Theo Von Fights the Dark Arts While Eating Spicy Wings | Hot Ones

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hot towels are these hot?
Everything's hot, man.
How you doing, Theo?
I'm good.
Hey, what's going on?
Everybody.
First we feast on Shaun Evans and you're watching hot ones.
It's the show with hard questions and even hotter wings.
And today we're joined by Theo von You didn't catch him on the dark arts tour.
Coming to a city near you is special.
No offenses on Netflix now.
And he has a podcast this past weekend which is available on Apple Spotify, YouTube and wherever else you get your pods.
Theo von.
Welcome to the show.
Thank you for having me here.
I'm happy to be here with you in the ER and this poultry daddy.
And I know that you're a Louisiana boy.
Do you practice the dark art of eating spicy food or No, actually got a pepper stuck in my ear when I was young, and, uh, you know, there's a lot off.
There's a lot of ways people naturally take peppers into the body, right?
Right.
When you take it through that, you know past that Loeb over that frickin low baby, that's that's, um, absorbing tissue.
You know, you never really hear the same And you always hear fire trucks after that.
Your people crying.
You hear the double walk?
You know, once you've had that burn inside of you.
Okay, It's already on there.
It's already on there.
Oh, wow.
I thought they put it on there.
Oh, this is cool is behind the scenes.
So you've described your childhood in Covington, Louisiana, as white trash.
And it's clear from watching your stand up that it has a big influence in your comedy.
What's the story behind having to track down infected monkeys when there was an escape at a primate research facility in your hometown?
Yeah.
1994 70 infected monkeys got out and they the cops came and got us.
Got the tallest kids.
Help him find him.
So I was out there, you know, fucking wrangling.
Chips when you look at him in the idea outside of a Wendy's off a fucking highway 1 90 brother, they don't look at you like you guys have ever met.
How'd you capture him?
Did you use like, fruit traps or something?
Or just your bare hands?
A lot of nerve, huh?
Damn you looking for fucking death?
You'll die if you go near a jump in your hands out like this.
So we knew we'd little pieces.
Shaun Evans on here.
Does Covington acknowledge the fact that it's the birthplace of Lee Harvey Oswald?
A.
Is that a fun fact that try to keep to themselves?
I think it's kind of low key.
I mean, I know he used to live in our street.
It's not.
There's not a lot of relics or anything like that.
You know, we actually have stalled the tallest statue of Ronald Reagan.
So Big Ronnie, if you like them, you know something you can hang your hat on.
Are you ready to move on, Theo?
Yeah.
Got a ladder?
You can.
I'm ready.
Oh, wow, boy.
So one of your more ridiculous free time hobbies is crank texting random numbers and sometimes having these months long conversations with total strangers.
Have you ever developed romantic feelings for somebody that your crank texting or vice versa?
Vice versa?
I think they did.
I don't know if they did, because I couldn't see him, but I believe that they did do the funnest thing, though I would text like nine numbers in a group of random numbers and I would be like Like Randall just won first place, brought up, just found a picture of just Google like Asian boy with trophy and find like a random bits of like, an Asian kid with the trophy.
And I sent it to everybody, And people would be, like, good for him.
And then somebody like this, Who the fuck is Randall and somebody else, like, Take me off of this, Jane, You know, you know, like, y'all fuck y'all, y'all weren't there.
Do you guys to support this kid?
So you have all these people like it?
Are you about this fictional Viet with this trophy?
You know, beautiful.
That's my America, really, you know, but thanks for asking about it, but yeah, I mean, it was you know, I quit doing it, because now the laws are a little bit different.
I think now it's more risque.
And there were some times, maybe that I'm not, like, super proud of, but anyway, I don't know what I'm just ran, but I'm kind of nervous.
I guess you are.
Yeah.
The Spicer's at me.
It's this cream colored hoody, right?
Christa?
Leah Flashbacks.
Right here.
Does he dress you.
You know what?
Me and Chris ran into each other at Equinox yesterday.
We had a nice chat that you did, and he straight up fucking Voldemort of that shirt on to you.
That guy you know, his his dogs on his instagram they're not even really is.
A lady brings him over and these pictures and takes him home.
Damn.
Let's break in.
News.
Roommate is crazy, bro.
You just got exposed.
Look good.
Somebody has to, man.
Somebody has to take that tall fella down and, you know, used to manage a macaroni grill, and he didn't talk about that.
Really?
Yeah, I made that up.
Is the clothes has ever been like on a date with a man?
It's good.
So being from New Orleans and know that you're a huge ST Span, and I don't mean to dig up any old wounds, but is it true that you had an ex girlfriend cheat on you with one of the offensive lineman damn boy either?
Good.
Yes, I did.
At least one of them, you know, she's prolific woman.
Uh, damn.
One time she took me to a game, he got that he'd given her the tickets, and she took me to the game.
We're sitting in this seat, and I was just sitting there cheering for me.
I don't even know.
Do you think that it was just a bad call that kept the Saints out of the Super Bowl this year?
Do you think it's possible that there is something more sinister at play?
I still blend the play calling.
You know, Sean Payton wants to be cute all the time.
Do you have a favorite Manning brother?
What about the one with short arms?
Cooper?
Who's that one?
With the short, it's gotta be hoovered up.
He's fucking throwing mortgages to people, bro.
I went to a party one time when Eli was in college and I went to a party at his apartment and he wore a cowboy hat, and I thought it was the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life.
Dude, do it, huh?
We haven't even had to touch this milk, huh?
What's your beef with Denny's, bro?
You lose?
You nice a joke?
That Whoa.
Something called me.
Mmm.
Him bruh gets really like some of this fucking broken the back door.
You know, like I should have left that key under the pot.
Brought something fucking caught me head on a swivel.
Yeah, um, it just started to get to the point where it was like I just felt like a victim every time I left there.
And I didn't feel good about myself when I would leave Denny's.
It doesn't even taste like food.
It's like you're just programmed to go in there.
People are always fistfight.
If it were anything else, they'd shut it down.
If you noticed this trend of fast food chains putting together comedy Twitter accounts, Yeah.
Do you have a take on that?
You have the arbiters.
One is the best luck with the Arby's one.
I love to see that big hat bucking, fistfight grimaced, Brooke, I say these people should get out on the street.
You know, I say, Take it from the tweet to the streets, son.
You know, I love to see that big Arby's hat.
Fucking this pipe.
A couple of them fry guys.
One of the little fella's name's are, you know, the Wendy's chick on the top rope the elbow just comes into just an angry redhead just fucking flying.
And then Carl's Jr gets in there, Whatever he is, you know, doing so far, Theo, I feel like very good.
Yeah, I feel good too, man.
I was so scared.
Really.
Oh, dude, I was so scared, man.
And I felt bad.
My mom's putting her husband in the hospice days like 90 something.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Me too.
Sorry.
Should have said that.
But I'm trying to tell her about this Hot Wings.
About Theo.
It was so selfish.
Problem like mama can fuck.
Like he's got 48 hours.
So you're like, I know, I know.
But I know you like I'm not to kill these chicken wings.
Yeah, I'm looking very nervous about eating these look and condiments, but so far so good.
Yeah.
So far, so good.
I feel we every kind segment on our show called Explain that, Graham.
We do a deep dive under guests and store ample, interesting pictures that need more contacts.
I'll bust out the laptop.
I'll show you the picture.
You just tell me the bigger story.
Does that sound good?
Yeah.
Alright.
Laptop, please.
All right, Theo, what was your biggest challenge and climbing Mount Kilimanjaro?
Probably doing duties outdoors at that altitude.
You know, I'm used to operate my ass and basically sea level when you know below sea level, even from Louisiana.
But you gotta hold it from fucking vulture inside of you.
That altitude, it is different, huh?
Yeah, it is.
And you almost have a have a buddy.
You could have, like, a little like a shit shaman.
Yeah, Ugo.
But I recommend Kilimanjaro anybody, because it's not that hard to do.
And it could be a nice time to spend with other people.
Where do you have a better time at the run Fair or Field of Dreams?
House.
Wow.
You guys have good questions.
Did I forgot about my own life?
Do the ren faire is really a front for people doing drugs.
It's like a drug sex orgy over that.
The run fair.
It's kind of out of control.
Yeah, you have a lot of people that you can tell they've been up all night doing sex or sweat, and some of if you really listen, you can hear him fighting about his regular shit.
You know, Owen each other money for grams and all of this shit, and it's like I pick up on that stuff, You know, the subtleties going on.
You know, I'm like, you see these two dudes fighting with wooden swords and one of those fucking really in it.
You know, one of us fighting is trying to fight his way back and 1/2 of an eight ball.
The people that go there, you see a lot of big tits tied up, you know, which I like singing.
Um, but that field of dreams you've never been there.
Dyersville, Iowa.
Man, you're just driving along, and it's definitely worth driving off the interstate.
I feel bad, man.
It's like I'm doing all the talking, you know?
But that's how it goes.
You know that guy?
Do you feel do you feel like when you're hosting a guest?
Like what responsibility do you think you have?
Um, that's a good question.
You know, I just want to keep the conversation just honestly, just as comfortable as I can.
These days, I feel like people like that.
What do you think is different about when you're a guest versus when you're hosting?
Like sometimes I go on other shows and I feel this ridiculous anxiety because I feel like I have todo the whole tent up, right?
You know, And that actually makes you kind of annoying guests.
Yeah.
You know, when you're should just kind of just sit there and they'll put a ball on a tee for you and you just smack it and then you just load up and smack another ball.
But I I always feel like, you know, I'm taking over, like, encroaching responsibility.
And then you might feel bad, even if you do sometimes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is it is uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable.
Kind of doing both sides of some of the stuff.
Would you do before this man?
I was ah, copywriter.
Where you really you ever go on like this Subway was like Visit Wyoming and there's, like, a picture of a bison or something.
I was like doing that for Chicago.
Then, like in a cubicle or whatever.
Really?
Yeah, But that doesn't keep my eye of the tiger.
I would do like freelance articles for different magazines like Chicago Guy.
It was kind of a crazy time in my life because I'm working, like, 80 hours a week every week, and I was already working this job that was kind of demanding in its own right.
And then I'd have all these deadlines floating above me constantly, so that was a time in my life.
I don't regret it because I wouldn't be where I am now about it, but I don't think I could ever relive it.
That was where you got that work ethic from.
That's a lot of work to do.
You know, it's probably looking at myself and maybe feeling like I could do better or be better.
You know, like sometimes you'll see somebody who's got like, a 12 pack or whatever.
But it's like they're kind of perfecting on the outside what's broken on the inside.
You know, it ends up creating this drive in them like this spot that they didn't even know they have right, And I think maybe professionally, I was experiencing the same thing.
I feel like it's well packing.
You're like I couldn't put down stakes in this cubicle and just wear khakis, toe work Monday through Thursday and then have the Friday where I can wear jeans and then I'm like a slave to this Microsoft Outlook inbox and getting like G chats and like working on things that I don't give a fuck about.
It's like that was like death to me.
Like I started getting really into the Chicago Bulls and I was like, Oh, that's how that happens.
You know, like bulls.
Because like, I'm like, I'm like a signing my own sense of self worth to how good this team does.
And I was like, That's how this shit happens when you're eating every fuckin anniversary overhead tube ethics or whatever that place is.
Yeah, and I'm getting like the cupcake with one, and that would be the rest of my life and you're fucking killing yourself in a car outside of Hardy's brothers, who didn't know how that happens.
That's how that spirals actually love parties.
What's it tolls girl he ever dated.
Be honest.
Well, when I was eight grade, I did it this valuable chick that was like 5 10 But I was like 53 years on and then on the cover than on the cover of Like the eighth grade paper.
There's like a picture from the eighth grade dance and were slow dancing on it, and I'm around her hips is like I'm at like her waist.
My mom bought every cop I graduation, came home with just a box of papers.
She was so crowd.
That's the most ridiculous picture.
Fucking structure, Sweater vest had structure.
Bra?
Yeah, structure was awesome.
Dude, that's awesome.
Round like you're like her son.
You know, e had bronchitis, but it's not contagious.
But, dude, my first girlfriend, Really short hair, you know, Kind of like a young man like a Frenchman.
And she when the bus would come.
Dude, she was much stronger than May.
She would lift me up and fucking hit me or kiss goodbye and all my brother and his friends would be on the bus.
Is it?
Picked him up first.
She was literally bucket.
I couldn't stop.
She played second base, Man, wait.
Molested?
She might have been into it.
Yeah, man.
Fucking better so much.
This one's heat not going as a southern boy who ended up in Hollywood.
What's one way that l A.
Has changed you for the better in one way, That's changed you for the worst.
The scary thing.
You start becoming a straight up wiener out here, you know, Dude, it's like if you start worrying about everything you eat.
You know, like you just start everything like it gets a little windy.
You fucking get scared.
You know, the yoga this morning Had some green juice recently.
Aussi beaux.
Well, yesterday, dude.
I mean, Jesus, bro.
You know, if I even fucking show that to a friend of mine at home, Daddy fucking probably just put me in a, you know, just choke me out.
Booth Air feels different.
Whoa.
Boy was articular right out of the gate.
You keep looking at me like that.
Part of it's from a place of empathy.
Part of me sees, like, don't steal.
Oh, wow, I am, bro.
I just remembered some time ago.
Strong, huh?
Yeah.
Going fast, huh?
No, that's a ticket, idiot.
Fast.
That's the hack.
That's the tip.
Said he back.
All right, Theo von, you can see the mullet on top of your head.
It is a sight to behold if I've ever seen one.
You're really a connoisseur of the business in front party in the back.
Look.
So what I want to do is show you some of the other iconic mullets and pop culture history, and I just want to know if you can say who they belong.
Thio.
Okay.
Jesus Christ, Dude, up first.
Are you fucking talking to me right now, Parkman?
If l got fucking like a dam breach birth like I'm fucking coming out backwards, Feel von born again.
Okay, honey, that ass fucking, uh, Tony little gazelles.
Freestyler guy sells them.
Chuck Norris Norris, Right?
This Semen two careful around your eyes.
Oh, honey, that is Jonathan Taylor.
Thomas Ellen DeGeneres under generous.
So Yeah.
Wow.
Ellen Degenerate.
Didn't this guy Daniel, You don't know this guy?
This guy from hometown, is it?
No, it did not dig that deep.
I don't, uh I don't know.
Andre Agassi.
And then one more for you.
Sharon Osborne.
David Bowie.
Alright, Bring in.
Bring in him what we got you.
Sorry.
Some lifelines.
Is this gonna fucking help?
Food?
Jesus Christ, bro.
Get hurt.
Hey, you're drowning.
Here's a mop water.
Here's an eyedropper.
Hot towels are these hot?
Everything's fucking hot, man.
How you doing, Theo?
I'm good.
I'm sorry.
Get kind of aggressive, good, violent baby.
Young brothers should just feels like looking.
It's remodeling me bruh.
You know, it feels like it knows me at a core level.
Dude, call Mr Soto my fucking math science teacher.
When I was young, I feel like I'm doing something happening.
Let's go.
Here's Theo.
Oh, just got to get it fast.
That's a tip he had.
How do you find local spots to eat when you're on the road?
Like do you yelp?
I call Joey D s.
Uh, but he could tell you when you 70 feet away from a good Reuben brought anywhere in America.
The guy's like a g p s a m m I c h.
Brother guy could fuck it.
Oh, yes.
You're 40 yards from a fucking turkey on Wick or something.
You know, I'm in Buffalo, like, look across the street.
You see a bowling alley like, Yeah, you looked at her, right?
There's an old lady out there.
Say, Yeah, she's smoking.
Yeah, fucking going there like they were doing it isn't talking very bizarre, rock.
The dark arts store is going to Australia and Mai.
What are you looking forward to the most?
And what are you scared off?
Stand while I'm scared of the snakes.
You know, eight of the most 11 dangerous snakes ever live in Australia because they network.
I'm saying you think l just ended up there.
So stuff like that, they got animals over there, smoke weed I've seen on the Internet.
People talk, They sound, you know, everybody sound like they have, like, you know, like a little mini stroke or something.
You know, it's fucking great.
And they're excited.
Someone has traveled the country doing comedy.
What's one tourist attraction?
That was a huge disappointment when you saw it in real life for May Stone hand stone hand.
Really?
Yeah.
Dude, they don't give a fuck about stone in.
It's like a rest area is like a place to piss there like a little.
They're like, every time I give you the past like you really fucking here to see you go see it, it's really nothing, right?
So it's like some rocks and like, but we make it to be out this big thing, like it's kind of water slide at It's literally right off the side of the interstate like you think it's gonna be like this secret place and they don't give a fuck, man.
So I think they just made it exciting process, you know, all right, Theo Von, this is the way.
Call it the last dab.
Because it's tradition around here to put a little extra on the last week.
Brother, is it really?
Are you just making that up to, you know, it is?
You don't have to.
If you don't want to go, I'll go fucking go deep with, you know Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin.
Daddy Ready to fucking rearrange my chromosomes, dog.
You know what I'm saying?
All right.
He was autism, brother here in Haiti.
Hitter, baby.
All right, Theo Vibe.
Here we are at the end of our run.
We're at the top of spicy wing Kilimanjaro On is your fans know you've been leading this charge against the dark arts for years on your podcast.
It's on this wing Were hoping that you can shine some of that light onto our hot ones.
Viewers at home?
Yes, sir.
Is hot sauce a part of the bright arts are a part of the dark arts.
I thought it was a lot darker than I thought.
I was gonna be a lot darker.
Man, I think you really brighten it up.
Thank you.
So I think it depends on who your liaison is.
I think your leader is cause yeah, this could have gone.
Just gone.
Hello?
Sideways.
I think it was with someone else.
You know, Do the best you can.
Even sometimes, if you don't want to.
Well, that is great advice, Theo von and look atyou.
10 chicken wings up.
10 chicken wings down.
You're so proud.
And now there's nothing.
All right, Charlie, To Rop!
Charlie!
All right, Pete.
Charlie.
And now I'm gonna roll out the red carpet for you, my friend.
This camera, this camera, this camera let the people know what you have going on in your life.
Oh, um, I'll be doing the dark arts tour doing stand up comedy in different cities around America and the world.
And outside of that have a podcast called this past weekend and a new podcast in my friend Brennan shop called The King In the Stain on both time, I think of pretty enjoyable, and I'm just honor to sit in a sea where a lot of other people that admire have sat.
So I really appreciate you have any minutes is super cool is like there's been like, I remember seeing this and being like all man would be so cool to do that one day.
So thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Good job.
Good job, People vomit.
Wow.
Hey, what's going on?
Everybody, This is Shaun Evans checking in with a quick hot sauce update.
If you'd like to try the classic low scallion days of the last Abbott Ducks heat ms dot com weakness dot com has you covered?
If hot sauce isn't your thing, maybe check out a T shirt or hoody over at shop dot complex dot com.
And if none of that interests you, I have been really getting into macho lately.
Much a lot, as much as smoothies.
Much of putting.
I don't know how I went 32 years on this planet without discovering Macha, but now I have.
And it has been a complete game changer.