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  • Hey, Conan O'Brien here.

  • A lot of people out there are concerned about the Corona virus.

  • Some people are even starting to panic.

  • Well, that's why I'm here.

  • I emanate calm and reason.

  • And people in these situations tend to look to me for the answers.

  • There's a lot of simple ways that if you work in an office, you can get around spreading the Corona virus or contracting it here to help me.

  • Now is a good friend of the show.

  • Been working?

  • Come on in, David.

  • All right, David Hopping.

  • You've been working here about, I think, about a month now, Right?

  • Three years I'm gonna show now.

  • Use you to help demonstrate many ways that one can avoid using handshakes.

  • For example.

  • Go to shake my hand.

  • No, I don't want to shake your hand.

  • You might have the Corona virus.

  • You understand?

  • Okay.

  • Now say I'm pretty sure I don't I'm pretty sure.

  • How do you know you don't?

  • How do you even know?

  • All right, I have another idea.

  • These are called grabbers.

  • Hello.

  • Good to see you.

  • Good to see you too.

  • You like a Kleenex?

  • Okay.

  • Did you make some pecans?

  • No, thanks.

  • There you go.

  • No, thank you.

  • Blended almond milk.

  • Almond breeze wants a moment breeze A lot of almond stuff.

  • Do you want some home and breeze?

  • Do you want some help?

  • Breathe.

  • I get a Thank you.

  • Thank you.

  • I emanate calm and reason.

  • Ah, look.

  • My trusty assistant, Sodom obsessing.

  • How are you so stressed right now?

  • Would you like a massage?

  • Isn't that nice?

  • There is.

  • We can also fix your hair style.

  • You very nicely.

  • Okay, look, you got a telephone call here.

  • Here you go.

  • Thank you very much.

  • I do love America.

  • My God, Show yourself.

  • Hey, don't touch yourself.

  • Salute yourself.

  • Using that.

  • Here you go.

  • Unfortunately, surgical masks are in short supply right now, but I've got a talk show.

  • So we have a costume department, and I found all these old rubber masks.

  • Hey, Erin, would you mind putting this on?

  • Sure.

  • Okay.

  • Aaron has been with us For what?

  • About about a year, Right?

  • Eight years?

  • Eight years.

  • Okay.

  • Just wear that until the Corona virus is gone.

  • All right?

  • You are now Mike Myers.

  • Why don't you put this on?

  • Okay.

  • There you go.

  • Fantastic.

  • How does it smell?

  • in there?

  • No.

  • Great.

  • Not great, right?

  • The mask has not been cleaned, and it's very, very dirty.

  • Kramer, congratulations.

  • You get to be top show host Conan O'Brien.

  • Yes.

  • Just put that on.

  • And where?

  • That until the Corona virus is gone.

  • Man, are you going to get laid?

  • Well, there you have it on entire staff.

  • Look this way, everybody.

  • Did you take your mask off?

  • What you're put your mask on.

  • Why don't you take your mask off?

  • Who wasn't on the phone call?

  • Shoo in accounting.

  • Wait.

  • Your life is Laurie This'll my associate producer of Kelly.

  • Are you worried about this corner virus?

  • No.

  • Not too worried about it, right?

  • I don't think it's gonna kill people my age.

  • Think it's Do you wash your hands a lot?

  • Everyone says you have to wash your hands.

  • Yes.

  • Okay.

  • You gotta wash your hands.

  • And what they say is you have to sing the song.

  • Happy birthday Twice.

  • Have you heard that?

  • Yeah, I've heard that.

  • Yeah, but it's a boring song, right?

  • Yeah.

  • That's why I wrote a song that's informational.

  • That you can sing.

  • Wow, You're washing your hands And it's a song I own, so I'll make the money.

  • Pretty cool, huh?

  • Yeah.

  • Fall while holding a sword, you can crack your skull on a diving board.

  • You can drown in the tub or lake or a swimming pool.

  • You can eat a poison birthday cake.

  • You can die from the venom of a common snake choked.

  • Gone a carrot in the cafeteria.

  • Be stupid.

  • Why?

  • Because there are so many things that can kill you besides Corona.

  • So you hear things that can kill you, Manny.

  • All things that can you raise that cool.

  • You really think it's cool?

  • And of course, our most germ infested area here at work is the office of Jordan Slansky thing.

  • I don't think you understand the way viral transmission works.

  • I've educated myself on viruses and viral transmits.

  • You've done no such thing.

  • You're full of shit.

  • I take probiotic supplements.

  • I built up my intestinal floor.

  • I take mineral supplements as appropriate.

  • I eat a balanced Good for you that you won't mind if I let your face right now.

  • What do you think of that?

  • I think it's out of place.

  • Socially speaking, but catching a virus and succumbing to the virus.

  • I'm tastes like bad cologne.

  • You were the greatest danger to everybody on this staff.

  • I don't agree with any of those things.

  • It is not for you to agree or disagree.

  • I have passed judgment.

  • I am judge, jury and executioner.

  • But I like it.

  • Not interested.

  • Jordan's any last thing you'd like to say before you are put in total seclusion in a prop warehouse.

  • Only that I hope you leave me an airboat saying always an air hole for an asshole.

  • So you'll be fine.

  • Congratulations.

  • Walk.

  • No.

  • Before that, you'd be carried out like a champ.

  • You are Be safe and sing the Conan and Washington sipping fall while holding a sword.

  • You can crack your skull on time Way!

  • Help!

  • No one!

Hey, Conan O'Brien here.

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