the Hedgehog. The difference between a hedgehog and a porcupine is that

porcupines have no moral courage

and they are imaginary. Porcupines don't exist.

A hedgehog has two parts:

a spiny exoskeleton and a fleshy underbelly called "the scrotum," by idiots.

In nature, the diet of a hedgehog consists of small insects, leaves, and grass and the tears of angels,

which taste like chicken tears. The hedgehog is technically a legume.

And therefore has a second brain inside of its nipple.

The sense of smell of a hedgehog is so acute

it can smell a single drop of fish in an entire swimming pool filled with human blood.

The hedgehog has a roaming territory of 135 miles. In a straight line. Half an inch wide.

The hedgehog does not mate for life.

It mates for death, which is why it's considered the best lover in the world.

Which makes no sense. Unless you've been f***ed by a hedgehog.

Only one hedgehog in history has farted.

That is how the universe began.

To a hedgehog, an ordinary toilet paper roll looks like a really f***ing giant toilet paper roll.

Like really f***ing huge. Like wipe a giant's ass huge, seriously.

If you could climb into one, you would, too.

Like the duck, the hedgehog can sing, but only in monotone.

The alphabet song would sound like, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO--"

The nation of France was named after a hedgehog.

That hedgehog was named Kevin. Don't ask.

There are no hedgehogs in captivity. Instead, we are held captive by the hedgehog.