what happens in the New Hampshire primary

could go a long way toward determining

which Democrat will get to face the Cinnamon Cyclone

-in the general election. -(laughter)

And for the last week, the story has been the epic rise

of Pete Buttigieg, former South Bend mayor

and human ventriloquist dummy.

-(laughter) -Right now...

people are saying that Mayor Pete

won the most delegates in Iowa,

which is why, during Friday night's Democratic debate,

everyone was gunning for him.

NEWSWOMAN: High stakes in New Hampshire.

Buttigieg the primary target on the stage.

I don't have 40 billionaires, Pete,

contributing to my campaign.

We have a newcomer in the White House,

and look where it got us.

Senator Warren, is that a substantial answer

-from Mayor Buttigieg? -No.

Hey, Pete, fundamentally you are missing the lesson

of Donald Trump's victory.

We need people with experience.

That's why I'm worried about Mayor Pete.

Yeah, that's right. the whole debate

everyone was coming for Mayor Pete.

Which was insane. Like, I haven't seen

that many people mad at a small-town mayor

since that dude left the beaches open in Jaws.

-(laughter) -Hell, at one point

Marianne Williamson beamed in from the astral plane like,

"We should love all of earth's creatures,

but this dude ain't shit."

(laughter)

Now, if Pete Buttigieg is on the rise,

Joe Biden is on the ropes.

From being the clear frontrunner just a couple of weeks ago,

he's now struggling to stay relevant in the polls.

Which is why the former VP is going after Buttigieg

harder than anyone.

NEWSWOMAN: Joe Biden sharpening his attacks

on a rising Mayor Pete Buttigieg.

Former vice president Joe Biden hitting out

at any comparisons between Buttigieg and his former boss.

This guy's not a Barack Obama.

Barack Obama had been a United States senator

from a really large state.

NEWSWOMAN: Buttigieg firing back on Sunday.

Well, he's right. I'm not.

And neither is he.

Neither is any of us.

Ooh.

Yeah, right now Obama's sitting at home like, uh,

"Goddamn, you're damn... you're damn right.

That's right, America, there's only one Barack Obama."

And then Michelle walks in like,

"Barack, did you leave the toilet seat up again?"

"He's like, "Uh, you must be mistaking me for Mayor Pete."

(laughter)

Now, Biden... Biden's attacks didn't stop there. All right?

Because in the buildup to New Hampshire,

he released a campaign ad, coming after Buttigieg,

minimizing everything that the mayor has ever done.

WOMAN: Joe Biden helped lead the passage

of the Affordable Care Act, which gave health care

to 20 million people.

And when park-goers called on Pete Buttigieg,

he installed decorative lights under bridges,

giving citizens of South Bend colorfully illuminated rivers.

Joe Biden helped save the auto industry,

which revitalized the economy of the Midwest

and led the passage and implementation

of the Recovery Act, saving our economy from a depression.

Pete Buttigieg revitalized the sidewalks

of downtown South Bend by laying out decorative brick.

We're electing a president.

What you've done matters.

-Wow. That was so bitchy. -(laughter)

That was a really bitchy ad.

"Look what I did, and then look what he did."

-(laughter) -And, look, I get why Biden

is going after Buttigieg's lack of experience,

but I'll be honest--

to me, experience doesn't matter anymore

when it comes to being President of the United States.

If there's one thing Donald Trump has shown America, it's...

well, how not to apply makeup.

But if there's another thing he's shown America

it's that you can run this country without experience.

Right? I know it sounds crazy, but if you think about it,

none of the shitty things Trump has done

were because he didn't have experience.

They're because he's a dick.

Which is ironically the one thing

-where he has decades of experience. -(laughter)

Now, Mayor Pete did respond to Biden,

but he hasn't released any ads attacking the VP.

And maybe that's because he doesn't need to,

because Biden keeps attacking himself.

At a campaign event, Biden had a bizarre response

to a voter who asked whether he can win a national election.

Watch this.

How do you explain the performance in Iowa,

and why should the voters believe

that you can win the national election?

That's a good question.

Number one...

Iowa's a Democratic caucus.

You ever been to a caucus?

No, you haven't.

You're a lying, dog-faced pony soldier.

You said you were, but... now you got to be honest.

I'm gonna be honest with you.

(gasps, laughter)

Yeah. Biden didn't like that woman's answer.

And he didn't just call her a liar,

he called her "a lying, dog-faced pony soldier."

And those-those are strong words that...

that I don't really understand at all.

(laughter)

Like... what-what is that? Is it a pony that's a soldier

-with a dog's face? -(laughter)

Is that what that is?

Or is it a soldier with a dog's face on a pony?

-(laughter) -Also, why is this creature lying?

Is it catfishing people?

Who are you? "I'm a girl in Ohio."

You're a lying, dog-faced pony sol...!

Like, what does that mean?

And everyone, everyone's been wondering

where this phrase came from.

And Biden's campaign said that it's a quote

from an old John Wayne movie.

But here's the thing: nobody has been able to find this

in any John Wayne movie.

And I guess that's the beauty of quoting something

from before the Internet was invented.

That shit isn't google-able. You could just make it up.

FDR said that chlamydia killed the dinosaurs. Prove me wrong!

But look, wherever the line came from,

it's not a great look for Biden

because it's yet another example

of him beefing with a civilian on the campaign trail.

In fact, that's becoming his trademark.

And who knows? Maybe he should lean into it, you know?

Like, forget those anti-Buttigieg ads.

Biden should start making ads

that look a little more like this.

MAN: Joe Biden is tired.

Tired of you.

All the questions.

All the bullshit.

You don't want him in your face?

Then get the (bleep) out of his.

So vote for Joe Biden.

Or don't.

BIDEN: I'm Joe Biden, and I approve this message.

Now, that's dog-faced bologna pony.