people are looking to their leaders

for reassurance and answers.

Unfortunately, we have him.

So, last night, the president held an emergency live address

from the Oval Office to calm the nation down

and to find someone else to blame.

NEWSWOMAN: Breaking news. Tipping point.

President Trump addresses the nation

on the coronavirus pandemic,

using just his second Oval Office speech

to announce the U.S. will suspend

most travel from Europe.

The European Union failed to take the same precautions

and restrict travel from China and other hot spots.

As a result, a large number

of new clusters in the United States

were seeded by travelers from Europe.

This is the most aggressive and comprehensive effort

to confront a foreign virus in modern history.

Okay, first of all, it isn't a foreign virus.

It's just a virus, okay?

Trump makes it sound like corona doesn't speak English.

(laughter)

And-and... And also, we can blame Europe for many things--

colonialism, skinny jeans, Piers Morgan--

but this virus is worldwide, all right?

It was gonna get here no matter what Europe did.

Honestly, it's beginning to look like shutting down borders

is just Trump's go-to solution for everything.

This is all he thinks about.

"What? Problem? Shut a border.

Problem? Shut a border."

Does he do this in his personal life, too?

Yeah? Is Melania just like,

"I don't love you anymore, Donald."

And he's like, "Close the borders.

No one's getting in or out of this marriage."

(laughter)

Now, Donald Trump's presidential address

turned out to be as calming

as a pack of fireworks dropped into a bag of cocaine,

because not only did he surprise everyone

with this announcement

but it turns out he almost got everything wrong.

NEWSMAN: President Trump ramping up his response

to the coronavirus outbreak,

but instead of reassuring the public,

he caused more confusion than calm, like this statement.

We will be suspending all travel from Europe

to the United States for the next 30 days.

NEWSMAN: The Department of Homeland Security

quickly clarifying,

assuring the travel restrictions

will not apply to U.S. citizens,

permanent residents and some of their family members.

The ban instead would only apply to foreign nationals.

Trump caused more uncertainty

when he said the restriction would apply to trade.

And these prohibitions will not only apply

to the tremendous amount of trade and cargo

but various other things.

NEWSMAN: But Trump took to Twitter

to clear up that statement, writing, "It is..."

(reading):

President Trump further jumbled the message

when he addressed the health care costs

associated with coronavirus.

Earlier this week, I met with the leaders

of health insurance industry,

who have agreed to waive all co-payments

for coronavirus treatments.

NEWSMAN: A White House official later corrected the notion,

saying co-payments would be waived

only for coronavirus tests,

not for treatments of the disease.

I'm-I'm sorry, but this is...

this is unbelievable.

Like, I would... I would understand

if Trump made mistakes, right,

if this whole thing was off-the-cuff.

But how is it possible

to get so many things wrong in a prewritten speech?

This is crazy. Watching an Oval address

shouldn't be a game of two truths and a lie.

(laughter and applause)

He's just up there like,

"The coronavirus is very dangerous.

"We need to be vigilant.

And my babysitter growing up was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar."

(laughter)

"God bless America."

And this misinformation that the president spread,

it caused actual chaos, right?

The European travel ban doesn't include American citizens,

but that's not what Trump said in his speech.

So Americans who are on vacation in Europe

rushed to the airport in a panic

to fly home before the ban took effect.

Yeah, there were even reports

of people shelling out thousands of dollars

for a last-minute ticket 'cause they were panicking.

Yeah. And then the ones who couldn't get them,

they just hung off the airplane

like one of those trains in India.

(laughter)

Trump caused so much confusion

that even the coronavirus was probably like,

"Okay, wait, can I fly to America or not?

"Like, I-I'm just gonna call Delta.

I don't know what's going on here."

(laughter and applause)

So, just to be clear, Americans...

Americans can fly home from Europe.

Which, if you think about it,

means they could bring corona back.

Yeah. It's not a fail-safe.

'Cause Americans always bring something back with them

whenever they come from Europe.

Yeah, it's a thing they do, whether it's a disease

or a dumb new way to say "croissant."

(laughter)

Yeah. It's a croissant, okay?

You're from Philly. Calm down.

And another thing. Another thing that doesn't make sense

is that although Trump banned travel from Europe,

he didn't ban flights from Ireland and the U.K.

And when Trump was asked about that today,

he gave one of the strangest explanations of all time.

And one of the reasons the U.K., basically, has been...

Uh, it's got the border.

It's got very strong borders.

And, uh, they're... they're doing a very good job.

They don't have very much infection at this point,

and hopefully, they'll keep it that way.

I'm sorry, what?

(laughter)

The U.K. is fine because it's got "the border"?

Other countries in Europe also have "the border."

Unless, maybe, does he mean the water?

Is that it?

What, does Trump think the coronavirus

doesn't know how to swim?

Because that's racist.

(laughter)

And also, also, I don't even...

I... Like, I can't believe I'm saying... It's not true.

The U.K. and Ireland have more corona cases

than many of the countries on that list that is banned.

So, let's just be real.

The reason the U.K. and Ireland are exempt

is probably because Trump owns golf courses there.

Yeah. Well, that's what I think.

You know, if-if Iran thought about it,

they would just put a Trump golf course in Tehran.

Yeah. They'd have a nuclear deal tomorrow.

Trump would just be like, "Now you're enriching me and uranium.

It's a win-win. Win-win."

(applause)

So... So, look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

President Trump's Oval Office address last night,

it was an absolute disaster, right?

But there was a silver lining.

Because, you see, for some strange reason,

the cameras were recording Trump

before he gave his address, all right?

But he didn't realize it was rolling.

And so today, we got to see the real Trump

when he's not acting presidential.

And honestly, this was pure comedy gold.

You want to do this for me, Alex, please?

(exhales)

What's our timing?

MAN: Two minutes and 20 seconds.

Do you like the book being on the desk or not?

Would you rather have it not be?

May-Maybe it looks better.

Gives you something up here, right?

Does it matter?

What?

Oh, (bleep).

(laughter)

Uh-oh. I got a pen mark.

Anybody have any white... Do you have any white stuff?

(laughter)

"Oh, (bleep).

Does anyone have any white stuff?"

First of all,

his name is Mike Pence, okay, Mr. President?

(gasping, laughter)

(applause)

But can I just say...

I can safely say,

this is the first time in my life

that I've seen the deleted scenes

of a presidential address.

Like, America's downfall might be scary,

but, you got to admit, the bloopers are hilarious,

you know?

And it was-- it was really weird

hearing a president in the Oval Office say,

"Oh, (bleep)."

Although I guess now we know what it sounds like

whenever he gets a call from Eric.

(groans)

Now, I'm-I'm gonna go out on a limb and say

that Donald Trump is as freaked out by coronavirus

as regular citizens,

which is wild, because he's the president.

And the reason I say that is because it turns out

the cameras carried on rolling

-after Trump ended his speech, -(gasping, laughter)

and-and his reaction was priceless.

God bless you,

and God bless America.

Thank you.

Okay.

Okay. (exhales)

(laughter)

Yeah...

That...

is not the sound you want to hear

from a president after a serious address.

FDR didn't reassure the nation by saying,

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

"Okay, Daddy needs a margarita.

"Can I get a margarita? Ha.

I need a drink. Oh, they still-- they're still here?"

So, look, this is all to say that,

despite the efforts of sports leagues,

amusement parks, state and local governments,

unfortunately, the man at the top

just does not seem to have his shit together.

And with coronavirus now in full pandemic mode,

all I have to say to that is,

oh, (bleep).