Player-turned-gaffer-turned- King-of-the-Jungle-

turned-national-treasure.

It's Harry Redknapp!

AUDIENCE: Harry! Harry! Harry!

And, wait for it, Sandra!

APPLAUSE

You are the First Couple of this nation now, guys.

So much love for you.

And who else are you here with tonight, Harry?

This is Fran and Peter, two friends of ours.

Are you nervous about handing over your phone tonight, Harry?

No.

I would think if you text somebody, they would be

in shock thinking they'd got a text from me.

Because I really... Honestly, it's... I don't.

What, you've never texted anyone?

I phone people and talk to 'em.

Of course you do, Harry Redknapp.

So, football, Harry.

Do you miss it? You miss management? Yeah.

I loved every minute of it.

You know, ups and downs, but that was great times.

I've got to tell you, Harry, because I'm a Spurs fan,

and I went down years ago.

Yeah, you used to come in my office, didn't you?

I was invited down to the dressing room

and I was so excited to see the players.

And then I went in the dressing room and suddenly realised

what "dressing room" means.

It was my heroes, and then it was my heroes naked.

It was the weirdest moment, because it didn't cross my mind.

I was like, "Hi..." HE SCREAMS

And I was so focused on not...

I didn't want to look, Harry, but when something's

just there, you're so worried that your eyes will just flick,

and I knew I was one flick down of literally being banned

from the stadium.

I was trying so hard.

I was walking around like this, "Hi, guys."

And I remember I said hello to one player who was completely naked.

And I went...

HE LAUGHS

I went to shake

what I THOUGHT was his hand.

LAUGHTER

Anyway, all I need you to do is pop your phone into the cushion

here, and we will get that down.

Ladies and gentlemen, what a wonderful sport,

allowing me to send a debut text on his phone.

MUSIC: Theme to Match Of The Day

AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG

Yay!

Here it is.

So, if I plug it in here, it should super-size your phone

for everybody to see.

All right. So this is the phone, Harry.

And the text we're going to pop in here is - "Just discovered..."

HE GIGGLES

.."emojis."

Do you know what an emoji is?

Yeah, I have one that I send all the time.

It's just a thumbs-up.

Someone could send me the longest message you've ever seen,

all I send back is...

A thumbs-up.

OK, I think we should throw some emojis in to start.

Ant, champagne, horn, handbag.

Ghost, lips, tooth.

And we'll make a little mistake as if you're dictating,

so they believe it's you.

"They hilarious.

"And there's a bloke in my phone called Siirry..."

LAUGHTER

.."who knows more than Sandra."

LAUGHTER

"I'm sure I signed him for West Ham once.

"Saw these emojis and thought of you."

OK, we'll go with the poo.

What else should we go...?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Peach!

Cheese?

Peach! Peach?

Does that mean something rude?

Peach, that's quite nice.

I like croissant. That's quite a fun one.

Shall we go with those three? Poo, peach, croissant.

"Let's have some fun.

"What emojis make you think of me...

"..and why?"

Cat, feet, brain, hand, face...

HE GIGGLES I'm just going...

All right, I think this is it. Star. OK.

"Text - I'm waiting."

Let's end with his absolute favourite.

Thumbs-up.

All right, we're going to send this crazy emoji text

to everybody in your phone.

Shall we do that, ladies and gentlemen?

AUDIENCE: Yeah! The text has gone!

APPLAUSE

One more time for the absolutely wonderful Harry and Sandra!

So, earlier tonight we sent a text to all of Harry Redknapp's contacts.

And the replies have been flooding in.

So we'll start with Richard Cars. Who's Richard Cars?

Richard sells cars!

LAUGHTER

So Richard Cars...

Quite simple...

"Are you OK, Harry? Been on the booze?"

And then he has put the emoji of a half-drunk glass.

That's Richard Cars.

Nick Knowles. Oh, Nick Knowles has come in huge.

A friend from the jungle? Yeah.

Nick Knowles has started with a bear emoji.

He says, "Bear because I've seen you bare naked in the jungle...

"..when you washed your crackers...

"..in the shower.

"I've not eaten cashews since!"

Quite funny from Knowlesy!

And then he's put the sweet two people with a heart in between.

And he says, "Because you and Sandra are everyone's relationship goals."

AUDIENCE: Awww!

APPLAUSE

And then he's ended with, "How the hell did you find the emojis

"when you can't use the phone?"

LAUGHTER

OK...

J Red?

Yeah, Jamie.

Jamie, your son. Jamie Redknapp.

Very exciting!

Oh, it's not from him.

"Hi, Pop. It's Beau."

Is that your grandson? Yes.

Aww.

"I have got Dad's phone."

This is very sweet!

How old is Beau? 10.

"I've got Dad's phone.

"I really think you need to get back into football management.

"Are you sure you're OK?"

And then the emoji of someone's face who's all over the place!

That's so sweet!

All right, Clive. Clive Tyrell.

Good pal. Golfing mate.

What he's done is he has cut and pasted the entire text

that we sent into a new text

and then he's texted you underneath it...

"Harry, this is Clive. This seems so weird."

"This has just come to me from your phone."

LAUGHTER

"Just wanted to let you know."

FIVE question marks!

Clive's very concerned. He doesn't want to play at all.

I'm going to text him back... "Come on, Clive, play the game!"

Poo emoji.

Emily Atack.

CHEERING

"Siri sounds like someone I got off with recently.

"This is the emoji that sums you up."

King emoji.

That's a lovely, sweet one from Atack.

"PS - should I be worried about the turd emoji summing me up?"

Very sweet from Emily.

Harry Baker?

He's the one who's organised all my theatre tours.

"I was in the cinema watching the Joker

"when your text was sent, Harry.

"It's nearly as bizarre as this film."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

"See you tomorrow."

Frankie Jn?

Frankie Junior. Frank Lampard.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

"Uncle H."

Aww, Frankie.

"When did you learn to sent texts?"

LAUGHTER

"Let alone emojis."

He said, "Anyway, your emoji would be..."

And he's put a diamond.

AUDIENCE: Aww.

"See you soon." How sweet is that?

Aww.

There's a brilliant one from Kammy.

An absolute Kammy classic.

Chris Kamara, yeah?

Of all the people so far, Kammy has just got it.

He's just got it.

Three emojis...

Old man, then money bag,

then a horse.

LAUGHTER

And then he's put, "No explanation needed!"

Go on, Kammy!

what an absolute legend

and what a wonderful Send To All.

It's Harry Redknapp and, of course, his beautiful wife,

Sandra!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE