states are trying their best to handle the coronavirus,

and they're doing it in different ways.

And New York has taken social distancing so seriously

that Mayor Bill de Blasio has now announced

that he's gonna start ripping down basketball hoops

out of all the city parks

so that people don't want to go and play there.

Oh, and, fun fact, de Blasio is the only mayor in America

who has to bend down when he rips out the hoops.

Oh!

So, that's what's happening in New York.

But other states are taking a different approach

to keep themselves safe,

uh, hanging up a "no trespassing" sign.

REPORTER: Fly to Florida and it will really cost you.

You're going to have to self-isolate for two weeks

before do you anything else.

Hopefully, that will be a deterrent for people.

If you're just simply trying to escape here,

uh, to avoid the restrictions that have been put in place

in your own state, that is probably not a good idea.

Meantime, both Alaska and Hawaii are now requiring

mandatory 14-day quarantines for everyone entering their states.

REPORTER 2: They say if you aren't able to comply

with the quarantine,

you will need to postpone your trip.

I hope that everyone complies and visitors do not come here.

We do want those who may have scheduled trips to the islands--

take the action to cancel or reschedule their trip.

Yeah, that's right.

If you try and get off the plane in Alaska,

Hawaii, or Florida,

instead of a guy with a sign

holding up your name at the airport,

people just have a sign that says,

"Turn around, dick."

And, I mean, I'm assuming your name is Dick.

I mean, they could write "Richard," if you prefer that.

They just-- "Turn around" and the person.

But if these states really want to keep people out,

instead of tourism ads, you know what they need?

They need to make some anti-tourism ads.

In fact,

we did it for them.

ANNOUNCER: Ah, Hawaii.

With its sandy beaches,

lush rainforests, and friendly people,

Hawaii is heaven on earth,

or at least it was until you dirty mainlanders

came and infected us.

From now on, just stay the hell away.

Remember, we've also got volcanoes,

and we're not afraid to throw you into one.

Hawaii.

Go to Florida. It's closer.

ANNOUNCER 2: Are you looking for breathtaking landscapes,

untamed wildlife,

and blissful solitude?

Well, tough shit.

We don't want you here.

And your tropical ass wouldn't last a day anyway.

This is Alaska, mother(bleep).

We're basically in Russia.

We still use dogs for cars.

Alaska. Come one step closer

and I swear to God we'll blow up all the oil.

♪ ♪

ANNOUNCER 3: Can't wait to visit Florida?

Sure, you can.

It's not all sunshine and Mickey Mouse down here.

-Remember that guy on bath salts -Bath salts.

who tried to eat another guy's face?

That happened here.

And you know where all those Florida men live?

In (bleep) Florida.

Plus, this is where all the old people are.

Does this look like a party to you?

You really need a list of reasons to stay away?

Fine. Angry gators,

frozen iguanas, Mar-a-Lago,

humidity, stand-your-ground,

hurricanes, Tim Tebow.

Florida.

Stay away from our penis-shaped hellhole.

♪ ♪