That's okay. I'm here to pretend like I do, for you.

(intro music)

It's time to learn geography

NOW!

Hey everyone, I'm your host, Barby.

All right, last episode, you saw the bigger, French-ier twin, Guinea.

Now we meet the feisty, passionate, Portuguese-influenced sister, Guinea-Bissau.

So much to cover...let's go.

(Political Geography)

All right, get ready, because this is "how" you find "Bissau".

ahehehehe

*slap*

Man, I missed doing that. Thank you.

Woman: You're welcome.

First of all:

the country is located in West Africa, off the coast of the Atlantic Ocean,

bordered by Senegal to the north and Guinea to the east and south.

The country is divided into 8 regions, with the capital, Bissau, being classified as an "autonomous sector".

The country is about the size of Switzerland, and is kind of shaped like 2 fingers sprinkling salt.

Guinea-Bissau is one of the only few countries that doesn't have a northenmost point,

as part of the northern border with Senegal just is a flat line that technically is the northernmost border.

Also, the southernmost tip of the Tombali region splits a peninsula with Guinea.

There are only six main airports with the occasional air strip inland,

the largest ones being: Bissau's Osvaldo Vieira International

and Bubuaque Airport located on Bubuaque Island.

Now when you look at the country, the most notable region would have to be off the coast.

These little beauties, the remote islands known as the Bijagos, are an archipelago of 88 islands and islets.

This is the sprinkled salt part of Guinea-Bissau.

No, I'm not gonna do a "Salt Bae" reference,

we don't cave into cultural relevancy too much on this channel, unless we absolutely have to.

But what about... Bob Sage-

*Tshhhh shshhh shhhhhhh*

He was never, ever relevant.

These islands are the crown jewel of Guinea-Bissau.

Only about 20 of the islands are inhabited year round,

the most populated one being Bubaque, which holds the administrative capital.

Otherwise, islands like Bolama, Carache, Formosa, Roxa, Uno, Caravela, and Orango

(where they used to bury all their kings and queens),

all have their own small towns and charm that draw in tourists.

And by tourists, I mean, like, 3 Portuguese people on a layover to the Madeiras.

Otherwise, some notable spots of interest might include places like:

Old town Bissau Velho,

the old capital, Bolama Polon Di Bra,

the statue of Amilcar Cabral,

Porto Pidjiguiti,

the old presidental palace with the bombed out roof,

people can visit but are advised not go in because there's like

a lot of bats there,

the National Ethnographic Museum

and Fortaleza d'Amura, which holds Mediterranean-styled buildings but is unfortunately

on military ground and therefore off-limits,

but if you make friends with the guards you can kinda sneak in.

Now the country is fascinating, but the problem is car travel.

Because the country is made up of one giant river estuary,

driving will always take you inland to get anywhere.

This also makes things interesting when it comes to economics.

Such we will discuss in:

(Physical Geography)

Now, in the latest episode, we mentioned how every country in West Africa

has like a coast nickname.

Ghana was the "Gold Coast", you have the "Ivory Coast",

Guinea was unofficially the "Aluminum Coast".

Well, if Guinea Bissau had one,

it would probably be the "Cashew Coast".

First of all, the whole coast is serrated with tributaries and river estuaries

that dump into the Atlantic,

mostly from the longest river, the Geba,

that flows more than 340 miles inland,

creating a complex notch disconnected coastline,

made up of mangroves and swamps, with a few beaches.

This means that although shipping ports and docks are available,

inter-regional land transportation has always been slightly hindered.

The whole country is generally flat, the highest point doesn't even has a name,

it's just a hill 300 meters high along the east border with Guinea's highland.

Go inland and you reach the forests and savannas,

about 71% of the entire country is covered in forest,

making it the third most forested country in Africa, after Seychelles and Gabon.

This is also where you can find typical West African wildlife,

like aardvarks, pikas, monkeys, giraffes,

and the disputable national animal, the West African elephant.

This area also harbors the core of the agricultural sector,

that employs over 80% of the entire population.

The most heavily produced crop: cashews!

No. Like seriously, over 90% of all their exports are made up of nut products,

and cashews being the largest supplier.

Now economically speaking, two-thirds of people live in poverty,

this is partially because after Suriname, it takes longer to register a new business here

than anywhere else in the world.

Averaging out at 33 weeks.

-Oh man, carrot cake cream pies are totally blowing up on Instagram right now.

-Excuse me, sir, I'd like to register to open up a carrot cake cream pie bakery!

-OK.

-Finally I opened up my carrot cake cream pie bakery!

-Excuse me, miss, would you like to buy a carrot cake cream pie?

-That is so 8 months ago. Grapefruits are in now.

-No.

-They got married!!

Speaking of food, the national dish would probably be Caldo stews.

Famous ones being Caldo Branco, Caldo Mancara and Caldo Cheben.

Top dishes include things like:

Avocado with Tuna, Yassa chicken, Egusi soup, and fried Cassava.

The Bijagos Islands though probably have the largest eco-diversity in the country,

classified as a UNESCO biosphere reserve,

you can even find the famous salt water hippos in Orango Island.

Otherwise, cool natural places include:

Jereberem and the sacred forest of the south,

where you can see chimpanzees,

the waterfalls and crocodiles in Bambadinca,

and of course the Bijagos beaches with the giant sea turtles that come to lay their eggs.

So that settles the land, now let's see who has settled the land.

Oh! That was such a good transition, I should've saved for a bigger episode like India or something. Oh well.

(Demographics)

Okay, so just to clarify, people here are not called Guinea Bissau-ians,

or Bissauans, they are just called Guineans,

or Bissau Guineans, to distinguish themselves apart from Guinea.

Otherwise, they usually refer to regular Guinea as Guinea Conakry, or just Conakry.

It's kind of like, "only one can have the title of true Guinea."

but usually Guinea wins.

First of all, the country has about 1.8 million people,

and over 60% of the population is under 25.

The largest ethnic groups are the Fulani at about 28%,

the Balanta at 23%, the Mandinka at 15%,

and the Papel at around 10%.

The rest are made up of numerous other tribes and groups with a small 2-ish percent

of non-Africans, including Europeans, and even a few Chinese,

that are mostly brought over from Macau. Yeah.

Portuguese-speaking Chinese immigrants from Southeast Asia in Africa.

What a world we live in!

They also use the African CFA Franc,

they use the type C outlet, and they drive on the right side of the road.

Before colonization, major parts of Guinea Bissau were under various African Kingdoms,

like the Gabu and the Mali Empire,

long story short, in 1450, the Portuguese came in, and then,

well, you know. They kind of started the whole Atlantic slave trade.

Fast forward to the mid-50s,

and they were fed up with the Portuguese, joined up with Cape Verde,

and started a rebellion.

Which is how Russia and China and Cuba got involved,

and tried really hard to push communism on them, it was like:

-OK, here's some weapons, we totally got your back Guinea Bissau.

-And if you have time, here is ideology manuscript.

-Oh that is OK, I am happy with just the weapons.

-D'ohhh! Who else can I find to influence around here?

-*gasp* Ooh, are those guns?

Finally, in the 70s, they gained independence,

but instability has always been an issue.

So far, no president has ever served a full 5 year term,

then there was a civil war in 1998 and 1999,

yadayadayada, it ended.

Like many other African countries, Guinea Bissau is made up of tribal and ethnic regions.

The Fulbe or Fulani inhabit most of the center and east areas,

with the Mandinka sprinkled in pockets amongst them.

The Papel and Balanta are mostly coastal-ful, along with the Felupe-Djola,

the Nalú people are in the south,

and finally the Bijagós people found on the islands.

Oh, and by the way, the Bijagos is known for being home to interesting matriarchal society,

in which women dominate the household and chose their husbands.

Speaking of which, we've talked about the Mandikas a few times before,

but never really talked about the Fula or Fulani people.

Basically, the Fulani are a major African ethnic group

of about 25 million strong, covering parts of West Africa,

mostly in the Sahel regions.

The Fula are known for being world's largest nomadic pastoral people group.

Famous for their bordado hats, braided and embellished hair,

and interesting customs in which men put on face paint,

and sort of put on a beauty pageant off to impress female judges.

Now Guinea Bissau is a Lusophone country, or Portuguese speaking,

however, only about a fifth of the population actually speaks proper Portuguese.

The majority of the people in the country speak, in addition to their own native tongue,

a form of Guinean Portuguese Creole.

For example, in Portuguese, you might say "Muito limpo",

when in Guinea Creole, you might say, "Limpu pus".

"Isso é muito quente" becomes "Isso é Kinti wit".

Then they just have a bunch of African derived words that have no derivative at all, like:

"Bagana", "Djungo", or "Singa Singa".

Faith wise, about 45% of the country is Muslim,

about 30% follow indigenous believes like Animism,

and about 20% are Christians,

with the remaining 5% being other or unaffiliated.

Now jumping on the controversy wagon,

yes, Guinea Bissau has some problems.

For one, development is slow,

and typically doctors, nurses and teachers go on strike.

This, in return, affects the health and education system.

Guinea Bissau is also kind of like the gateway for South American cocaine to enter into Europe.

Airport officials sometimes turn a blind eye and are easily bribed.

Many times, drug traffickers hide out their stashes on the Bijagos Islands.

Everybody knows about it, Interpol has been on your case for decades.

Otherwise some of the most famous Bissau Guineans might include people like:

Amilcar Cabral, the national hero from the war of independence,

João "Nino" Vieira, José Carlos Schwarz, Manecas Costa,

Talata Mbalo, Flora Gomes, Eneida Marta,

and numerous football players like Patrice Evra, Bafetimbi Gomis,

Bruno Martins Indi, and Eddi Gomis.

Keep in mind, a lot of these players are very lightly connected to Guinea Bissau,

and had either hardly ever or never even visited the country in the past few decades,

but their countrymen still take honor and pride in them regardless.

Speaking of people living abroad,

(Friend Zone)

Guinea Bissau is interesting because they're kinda like the Lusophone country that dislikes

engaging with Portugal the most, even though they begrudgingly still do.

Many Bissau Guineans still emigrate to Portugal,

and even though things got crazy during independence,

they are still economically dependent on them.

China kinda pulls off the whole relationship thing, that they do with pretty much all the other African countries.

"Hey, I'll build you a stadium and parliamentary building,

if you just pay back with exclusive rights to your resources like fishing and lumber."

When it comes to their best friends though, Guinea Bissau is part of the ECOWAS,

or Economic Community of West African States,

they're also part of the Lusophone nations as well,

so all their Portuguese speaking neighbors kind of get along with them pretty close.

However, of this whole group, they would probably say Cape Verde is their best friend.

Cape Verde was even at one point unified with Guinea Bissau

during the fight against the Portuguese.

They share so much in common, they love visiting each other,

and the two have been a happy married couple for decades.

In conclusion, Guinea Bissau is like Africa's small, relentless, developing, Portuguese speaking,

custom maintaining, cashew republic, with some cool islands.

Just toss your plans for opening up a bakery here.