Tom Segura and Christina P Roast Each Other While Eating Tacos | Tacos Con Todo

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day one Tom Segura starting comedy.
What advice would you give yourself that on and stop eating so much?
I don't know.
I was born ready for this.
You guys ready?
I'm gonna show you my crib, busting their butts and possibly control.
That's magic right there.
I'm about to make you the best alibi taco in America.
Dog.
Make this taco fly for you, homey.
You never see no tacos life.
Where you at, Bird?
I want to be ju where you had your Rogan.
Where you at joint?
Yes, I'm the greatest.
Get off all time.
Ain't no one better?
I'm the greatest.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome back to another episode of Bacchus Control.
Oh, the season finale this episode special Because we got Tom Segura and Christina P the Jay Z and beyonc?
Of the comedy world.
I'm gonna cure rate a nice date night.
I'm gonna take him out to some of the best taco spots in L.
A.
What's more romantic than a taco spot?
A throne for having that kind of pull out All the stops just reinvigorated Re sparked the love and I'm here.
What better place in tacos 1986 toe have some of the best world class world famous for tacos.
This city has no yo yo, yo, Ain't no ALPA store in this house, man on the other tacos from talking about, kiddo.
Me, your Nadia in 1986 finale.
Let's go back.
Was going What?
Hey, guys, we're here.
I'm fans of of you both, and you guys have a podcast together.
You guys raising a family?
When was the last time you guys went on a date?
Exactly.
So I'm here to take you guys out on the date night.
Nice.
So, what was the first date night spotlight for you guys Burst one.
We went to a bar, and back then she was like, Oh, I know this bar that you could still smoke cigarettes in.
Fine.
Okay.
I didn't smoke at the time, but I was like, I guess this lot lizard does.
So originally he wanted to go for a hike.
You wanna hike Runyon?
That's why I was, like, Good.
L a All right.
What do you think about a duck idea that makes it so special?
Like, do you think?
Do you think it's a good or a bad place to have a first date night.
First day.
I think this is dope for a date.
I love a place that specializes in 11 Tonto restaurants that have like a menu that folds out four times.
And then there's like Italian food and Mexican food.
Greek?
What the fuck do you guys pick something, right?
So I love that.
It's one thing, and you just do it really, really well.
It's something just romantic.
I mean, look at that.
Trump will spin it like an abstract heart and a guy flexing kissing previous decade alive.
Hey, you're not you, James way, Floyd Mayweather.
Way better, See?
And that's another sign of a great taqueria.
There has to be someone at the helm that's got a big personality.
Are you hungry?
All right, let's get some food going.
Already working.
Champ of the World.
He said that meat fat, sweaty like burger.
Do you hear me?
Can you tell me what I'm getting right here?
You got on and made tortilla with Jesu Laplanche A, which makes it a case of you with all the bother.
Onions, cilantro, guacamole and salsa.
You got the juice dripping down.
That's how you know it's what we Oh, what do you think?
Mr goes hard right back.
They don't mean you're not even a little trickery of the tackle.
Game 100 McGregor of it.
And we got off the menu item here.
This was not on the menu that's called Perrone this one cent burrito because it has no beans.
As my man, uh, Joey Diaz likes to say Fuck the points today you've been at the get go.
Now for how long?
Uh, 10 years.
10 years, And I and I feel like there's a lot of similarities between what Doc It'll do.
And what comedians do is like early on, I remember sending outside trying to pass out getting people inside Most your early days were outside barking, trying to get people in From that first day, it was just like trying to get attention.
And I just started posing and I'm the greatest and throwing kisses.
They're better than me.
Like I went the Mohammad Ali Road.
You know, I figured I had to make noise all the time talking shit, but you were backing up exactly.
Exactly.
This is so double again.
Look on Rocket's.
Either Rolling back was a dream come true Dog Wait for Luda.
What's your version of Ah, like a heckler?
Heckler is a guy that it's like we're busy on the guy's like a where's my food?
And I have to be like a home.
You get a kiss from your girl today or what?
You know what I like?
I put the pressure on here.
You know, you don't pressure me.
I used to work at a restaurant sunset back in the day and like sometimes do come in to be like a man Not like that.
Try to walk back into the kitchen.
You know, you have to make the things they hate me like you got it.
Can't be back there Like not tell you how to make it ever in my life and you work in the restaurant business Hinds I worked in a fancy French restaurant and I had to learn how to open bottles of wine and Russians used to always come and they always wanted Long Island ice tea.
Long I loathe Leave the bottles in the bushes and stop waiting tables and serving the public really teaches you about humanity and makes you humble as hey Thank you so much.
Pleasure.
Champ of the world.
Don't think.
Just get him for you know your name so much.
I don't know what you guys think is so perfect.
And inside everything is perfect.
I mean, look, podcast.
Almost 10 years.
You guys been together a long time.
It seems like you guys know each other pretty well.
I want to see how well you guys know each other.
You got down to play a few.
The echo sound.
How well do you know your partner?
Okay.
All right.
No question.
Number one is What's your secret?
Guilty pleasure that people don't know about that question.
Okay, what's your guess?
Yours is the melted cheese on a plate.
God damn it.
Yes.
Is it?
No watch team movies to all the boys I've loved before.
I like T o.
That's not guilty.
Pleasure.
That's gross things I when no one's looking.
That's exactly what I Okay, so I'm gonna get your guilty pleasure.
Shitty music.
Like forever 21 music that I make Funny.
You didn't get your answer, Sokka.
Super over one.
All right, you're watching porn.
What are your top three key words in the search?
bar.
Oh, you know, just talking.
But I don't know yours.
Yes, you do.
Okay.
I don't know the first.
We should have made a top 10 way.
Got our answer.
Yeah.
All right.
Kristina Blondes.
Ding.
Yeah.
Double ding.
Yeah.
Wait.
Okay.
So, Tom, what are the three key words that I'm putting in the search warrant?
Ready?
Yeah.
Ready, Gang bang gang.
Big.
Is that true?
Blacks?
Yes.
Wearing masks.
You said you want them in mass?
I was.
Oh, so you kind of got first thing being all right, man.
Hey, what do you guys say?
We chase these tacos down with more talk you down.
Go ahead.
Another spot.
Bye.
Thank you for a comment.
It's a dream come true.
So if you guys had a taco spot, right?
You guys are about to open up your taco restaurant.
What would you call it?
And what kind of tacos you dropping over?
Oh, jeans tacos.
Right.
You re in jeans back in the day.
Yeah.
Miss Cleo.
Cleo Taco wants Miss Kelly.
I think you need talkto and something.
You know, tacos, tacos and titties do like Hooters of tacos.
Yeah, like he's got a thing about About about tacos and ups like these tacos.
He's as big as he started.
Yes.
Come on down.
Get your B.
Uh oh.
Here it is.
On the right.
That's today, right?
The original taco.
It's gonna be dope man treats to treat that.
Got the sauce buffet, right?
Condiment bar.
And this key right here.
All right, estimate is your power.
That's what I mean in starting with drinks back out of it.
But I want to talk a lot of that.
See, Toto, I'll show you the top when you look at that, you're like that.
Tom Kristina, You got your glasses on?
Yeah, it's so soothing.
Watch that way.
Knows what?
Yeah, yeah, that's good shit.
So Good way, familia Amir Mano Train tangled in the little psycho Sarah was trump the casing the law's colonial Vanessa, and put a German on Taco Sara vis a percent.
Really?
There was no criminal purple.
Your lesson, Deborah, go better.
I don't have a battle.
No nothing that you have more to come on, Savannah.
But it's completely peanut that you need to know that you're about to sacrifice the most of your life If you don't put your all.
You're not gonna make it here, guys.
Second spot.
We're about to dive in.
This is a lot of we got cheese, avocado, the former tortilla.
We also got some more lotus, which is like a Mexican cow zone, if you will.
And then we have the best ideas.
So dig in, guys.
Doing ready?
This is heaven bythe.
It's so good.
I would drive down here just to drink.
This goes hard, right?
Oh, my God.
That's all right.
You want your kids on point the meat.
It's all about the meat.
What do you think about the cheese?
It's like a little like it was string cheese.
And there's a kid back there just pulling it apart.
I don't know.
We gotta sell.
That baby thing is a great man And the swarm of pieces, right?
Yes.
It tastes like bacon.
Almost to me.
It's so like those dick Temps like I like those burnt dick tips, burnt ends, burn town tips.
I think they call it a dictator.
And that dick ships not interracial.
So a lot of people Christina did not know that time spoke Spanish.
How long into the relationship did you find out that school Spanish, right when he took me home to meet his mom, and then the two of them were like like, Oh, you really should be on a ship like a dirty girl.
Mom, on my mom, like 30.
I'm gonna ask you.
So now you're touring in Spanish?
What does that feel like?
Are you starting all over again?
I mean, it's, uh it's really actually the most exciting thing that I've done in stand up.
I feel like my whole career because in English nothing you haven't figured out.
You're always trying to figure it out.
But it just was, like, kind of a rhythm that you get used to doing it.
I'm not doing it in Spanish.
It's the kind of nerves, but like excitement that I felt when you're like two or three years in, have you seen him nervous before The show's kind of thing.
The date that he was gonna do his first Spanish our I think you were really nervous.
I haven't seen that nervous since, like 2005.
It was like he was starting over, and I have so much admiration for him to even do that.
I mean I can't even imagine their lot.
What's the biggest difference?
You would say?
Like from English to Spanish?
You know, one of the challenging parts has been like dialect stuff because the Spanish I speak is mostly from South America from Brew Perfect.
Why I speak Casino.
If Harry Potter spoke Spanish, that's what he would sound like.
I just explained.
It's like if I was from Alabama, Mexico really like perilla.
He speaks good, Disgusting.
So I was gonna ask Kristina.
Yeah, you know, you have your podcast where my mom is that you talk about, like Mom comedy with hormones at Yes.
Can you tell me what that means?
That from people that don't know what it is, I guess it is kind of a new world lane of stand Up, where no women are really talking about the ambivalence of motherhood and not just like it's amazing, you know, But I, like talk about the real stuff that no one really wants to admit.
I think that's the juicy fund parts, the annoying parts, because everything I see so far is to bullshit.
It's like we're just a couple of soccer moms, mom great.
And it's like we drive wine.
What is this whole shit?
Like we're all alcoholics?
Like?
That's the only joke right now is like we're drinking wine, and that's fine if you dig it.
But this is an honest take on things.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I think social media, like, I think women especially, are conditioned to be polite, compliant and not complaining and never say anything that's remotely unattractive.
So, you know, once you get out of the Matrix is a woman you're like.
What?
It's fun to explore that stuff.
The landscape is 1000 times different.
Nobody wanted to hear me talk 17 years ago.
Now it's all the rage to hear a woman talk, right?
Great friend.
Comedian watching this, any piece of advice you would have you would have become an accountant.
Don't, do we?
Oh, don't do it.
Why?
Why?
Don't do it's not gonna work out.
Okay?
Don't follow your dreams since two out so well for you.
Don't do it.
You don't want this awesome life.
No.
I mean, the truth is is that it is It's an awesome ride, you know?
I mean, it's that it's like it's an awesome ride, but I would say my best advice to a young comic is ask yourself if you're obsessed.
Yeah.
If you're not obsessed, you really shouldn't do it.
If you are obsessed, just lean in, man.
Go, go for it.
You know, it's a marathon.
And I think what happened with, like, those those contests comedy shows this up is that it gave the illusion that there's a shortcut to stand up.
There is no shortcut.
It is a 10 year sentence minimum.
People was Fucking Tell me you're never gonna have the same career as a man.
You're too pretty.
You should be stupid or Jack Dumber in your act.
So, like people telling me what a ship for 17 years How you like me now, bitch.
Hey, man.
Thank you guys so much Force.
You guys were great genes.
Genes for lead all the way.
They're on the run.
A burrito in Toronto.
Baloney!
Ben, a little yell Peirong Company Hold Hey, what's going on?
Everybody for first we feast.
I'm Sean Evans and you're watching hot ones.
It's the show with questions and even hotter tacos Tacos row!
Hey, Soos Trejo is in the building.
Tacos con Toto, A new show on First we feast Tuesdays at 11 a.m. This is the initiation.
A last dab taco.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Soos trail.
Welcome to the family, man.
Thanks, man.
This is gonna hurt tomorrow.