Welcome to another episode

of The Daily Social Distancing Show.

It is now day 16

of staying at home to prevent the spread of coronavirus.

And, uh, here's your quarantine tip of the day.

If you're at home and you're bored

trying to sterilize everything,

I've got a tip for you.

If you hold your cleaning product like a gun,

you'll feel like you're gangsta whipping every germ's ass.

Pop, pop! Pop, pop!

Break yourself, corona fool.

Anyway, tonight, we're gonna catch up

on all the latest coronavirus news.

New York is putting hospitals everywhere,

President Trump loses a trivia contest,

and we try to figure out what day it is.

So, welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show.

♪ ♪

ANNOUNCER: From Trevor's couch in New York City

to your couch somewhere in the world,

this is The Daily Social Distancing Show

with Trevor Noah.

-♪ ♪ -Let's kick it off with some good news.

According to thermometers,

social distancing might be working.

Yeah. The company Kinsa Health,

which makes smart thermometers

that upload users' temperatures to the Internet,

reports that fevers across the United States

are dropping dramatically.

Now, these thermometers accurately predicted

the rise in coronavirus hospitalizations.

So if they're showing dropping fevers,

that's a promising sign.

So, please, people, let's stay at home,

let's stay inside and keep flattening that curve

so that someday we can go back to our normal lives, you know?

Don't you want to go outside again?

Be out there, you know,

-cutting each other off in traffic, -(horns honking)

-complaining about your allergies, -(sneeze)

getting invited to your friend's improv show.

You know, now that I say it,

maybe-maybe quarantine isn't that bad.

Maybe we should just stay here a little longer.

Also, there are some positive signs

coming out of the epicenter of this pandemic, New York.

Recently, it has gone from being the City That Never Sleeps

to the City That Lays Awake At Night

Filled With Existential Dread.

But the good news is that,

faced with the prospect of overrun hospitals,

the city is adapting.

The enormous Javits Convention Center

has now been converted into a hospital with 1,000 beds.

There's an emergency field hospital

being constructed in Central Park.

Entire hotels will soon be rented out

and converted into hospitals.

And 5,000 new ICU beds

were recently installed inside one of Mayor de Blasio's shoes.

Basically, any giant spaces are being filled with beds,

even if they kind of smell.

Also-- some more good news--

the Navy has sent over the U.S. hospital ship Comfort--

great name-- which docked here in New York yesterday.

The Comfort has 1,000 hospital beds on board,

which New Yorkers are very excited about.

In fact, so excited that, yesterday,

a crowd gathered to welcome the boat to the city,

which is obviously extremely counterproductive

in Social Distancing Land,

but it also shows you how much New York has changed.

Yeah, 'cause, normally,

we hate it when people show up to the city.

Like, a month ago, New Yorkers would have gathered

to throw rats at that boat.

"Your mother says hello!"

And beds aren't the only reinforcements

New York is getting right now.

Over 76,000 doctors and nurses,

many of them who had already retired,

have volunteered to step up and help out during this crisis,

which is pretty amazing.

And a few days ago,

a flight full of health care workers from Georgia

flew to New York to help lend a hand.

And I'm really grateful to them.

And I also just hope that they didn't land at LaGuardia,

'cause they'd walk around the terminal like,

"We're too late. The city is already destroyed."

Be like, "No, this is what it normally looks like."

And I'm really grateful for those doctors from Georgia,

not only because their help is needed

but also because doctors from Atlanta will probably be

the most entertaining doctors you've ever had.

They'll be mumble-rapping their diagnosis.

(mumbling): ♪ You have the corona, the virus ♪

(mumbling) ♪ Stuff in the sinus ♪

(vocalizing)

So, thank you, Georgia. We're not gonna forget this.

New York will not forget what Georgia has done for us.

In fact, when this is all over,

New York is gonna send some of its subway masturbators

to your state just to say thanks.

And speaking of appreciation,

last night, the Empire State Building

lit up like a siren

to honor all the medical workers serving

on the front lines of this epidemic.

Now, this might have been a good idea when they first pitched it.

But I will tell you, as someone who lives in New York,

it was terrifying.

The Empire State Building--

giant light flashing around.

And can you imagine if someone was high in their living room?

They must have freaked out.

Just like, "Shit, dude.

I think we're getting pulled over by that building."

(inhales)

But, look, just because there are some signs for optimism

doesn't mean we should become complacent, people.

Because, remember, coronavirus is still growing

around the globe.

Worldwide, there are now 800,000 cases

in at least 171 countries.

You know, with the spread of coronavirus,

we're learning so many things.

We're learning how fragile our medical systems are.

We're learning that we need a stronger safety net in society.

We're learning we need to pay teachers more.

We're learning that thinking about exercise

isn't the same as actually doing it.

We're also learning which leaders around the world

deserve the title of leader.

For instance, in Hungary,

President Viktor Orbán has convinced his parliament

to let him rule by decree until the pandemic is over,

which essentially makes him a dictator

for as long as he wants.

Although, I'm not gonna lie, being a dictator

during coronavirus is a little less fun. Huh?

He's gonna be like, "I sentence you to torture!

"Which you need to administer to yourself

"because it is not safe for other people to touch you.

"So can you torture yourself over Zoom

and you can send me the video?"

"No, I-I don't have Zoom."

"Ah. Then I guess there will be no torture."

"Ah, I wish I... I wish I had Zoom."

And over in Belarus,

another leader is President Lukashenko.

He's probably one of the worst because he's refusing

to cancel public sporting events,

and instead, has been recommending

that Belarusians avoid getting the virus

by just going to the sauna

and then taking a couple of shots of vodka

two to three times a week.

That's a real thing a president said. Yeah.

And you know your medical advice is bad

when it makes Goop look reasonable.

'Cause, I mean, Goop may tell you

to put an egg in your vagina,

but at least they tell you to do it at home

and wash your hands first.

Now, if you're gonna talk about leaders

who don't deserve the title "leader,"

you would be remiss if you didn't mention the man himself,

the president of the United States, Donald Jericho Trump.

Every day, he shows us why he is not the right leader

for this moment, or any other moment.

And, look, luckily,

he decided to back off his plan

to quickly reopen the economy by Easter,

but he does continue to make a fool of himself.

Like yesterday, he tried to show off to everyone

how much he knows about South Korea,

and he failed spectacularly.

At one point during this press conference,

the president said that he knows South Korea better than anybody.

Mr. President, you said several times

that the United States has ramped up testing,

but the United States is still not testing per capita

as many res... as many people

as other countries like South Korea.

I know South Korea better than anybody.

It's a very tight. Do you know how many people are in Seoul?

Do you know how big the city of Seoul is?

-(woman speaks off microphone) -38 million people.

That's bigger than anything we have. 38 million people.

For the record, only ten million people live in Seoul,

not 38 million.

Wow.

Trump was so wrong,

but with so much confidence.

I would pay anything

to see him be a contestant on The Price Is Right.

"So, uh, what's your bid on this new dishwasher?"

"That's easy. $57 billion, Drew."

"What?"

"I know. I know it all."

See, this is why I don't really think Trump is a billionaire.

Not because he's a liar, not because he's a fraud.

Just because I don't think he understands how numbers work.

He's like, "Okay, Trump Tower.

"That's worth 80 billion.

"Plus Mar-a-Lago-- another 52 billion.

I'm worth 675 billion, folks."

But once again, this just proves

that if you say a number with confidence,

anyone will believe you.

98% of people know that.

So, look, there are many leaders

around the world who are failing,

failing, failing, failing right now.

But the good news is,

there are many other leaders who are rising to the occasion.

South Korea's leaders handed their coronavirus policies

to medical experts,

and it quickly brought the virus under control.

South Africa's president has been lauded for being quick

to shut down the country and laying out plans.

And here in America,

in the absence of leadership from the White House,

governors from California to Ohio are stepping up

to fill the void.

Basically, what's happening in America is

whatever happens when a family has, like, an alcoholic dad,

and then the kids just have to raise themselves.

That's what's going on in the U.S. right now.

Yeah, Trump is AWOL, so the kids are just like,

"All right, I-I guess I'm just gonna drive to the supermarket?

"Yeah? I'll just drive myself.

Kathy, do you want to make lunch?"

The one governor who's crushing it the most right now

is Andrew Cuomo. Yes.

Thanks to his handling of the coronavirus,

his approval rating

has soared to a seven-year high.

And-- and this is crazy--

he's even becoming, uh,

something of a coronavirus crush for many people.

Yeah. People online are falling in love with him

because of coronavirus and how he's handling it.

I'm not gonna lie. Those people include me.

My Tinder profile now lists me as a Cuomo-sexual.

And the thing that I've been enjoying

about Cuomo is that in these dark times,

he also provides us with some entertainment.

It's not just facts, it's not just plans.

It's entertainment.

I wait for his interviews on CNN that he has with his brother,