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  • [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

  • TRACY: Hey.

  • Where were you?

  • STEVE: Swim class.

  • TRACY: Oh, that was like, a couple hours ago.

  • STEVE: Yeah.

  • But, you know, there's uh, traffic, and it's nuts.

  • TRACY: Oh.

  • STEVE: And he's really fussy, so I'm gonna put him down.

  • TRACY: Oh, no, I'll put him down.

  • I miss him.

  • STEVE: Oh, it's OK.

  • I got him.

  • TRACY: So fussy.

  • No, I got it.

  • Come on, bubby.

  • Come on.

  • STEVE: All right.

  • OK.

  • TRACY: Hey, Steve?

  • STEVE: Yeah?

  • TRACY: This reeks like cigarettes.

  • STEVE: Huh?

  • What smells like cigarettes?

  • TRACY: This jacket.

  • Smell it.

  • STEVE: What do you mean?

  • TRACY: It like, reeks like cigarettes.

  • Like, ugh.

  • STEVE: He's smoking.

  • This is unbelievable.

  • TRACY: What it is?

  • STEVE: Oh.

  • Classic laundry mishap.

  • TRACY: Oh, yeah.

  • Yeah, yeah.

  • This looks just like him.

  • STEVE: Calm and [INAUDIBLE].

  • TRACY: No, this is definitely not my thong.

  • Oh, god, it's-- it is wet.

  • STEVE: What?

  • TRACY: It's wet.

  • What is that?

  • STEVE: It's more moist than it is wet.

  • TRACY: What is this?

  • Where did you get this?

  • STEVE: OK, you know what?

  • Fine.

  • You ruined the surprise.

  • Surprise.

  • TRACY: What is it?

  • STEVE: I got you a child who goes pee pee in the potty.

  • Our son took his first pee pee on the potty.

  • He did it.

  • TRACY: Yay?

  • STEVE: Yeah.

  • TRACY: What?

  • How?

  • I don't understand.

  • Explain to m that has--

  • STEVE: He took a pee pee on the potty, and the potty

  • happened to be inside of a strip club.

  • TRACY: I'm sorry.

  • I'm sorry, what?

  • Did you just say a strip club?

  • STEVE: Whoa, lower your voice.

  • Our son is in REM sleep.

  • The developmental--

  • TRACY: You took our kid to a strip club today?

  • STEVE: Not--

  • TRACY: A smoke filled--

  • STEVE: Technically speaking, OK, yes, we

  • went to a strip club.

  • TRACY: OK?

  • STEVE: We were looking for a bathroom.

  • Da da, da da, potty, potty.

  • And I saw, it a lot of glare, and I

  • saw an unmarked building.

  • TRACY: Right.

  • STEVE: I thought it might have been a house of worship.

  • TRACY: But it was a strip club.

  • STEVE: It happened to be a strip club, yes.

  • TRACY: OK.

  • STEVE: It happened to be a strip club.

  • TRACY: OK, good.

  • So you went in, went to the bathroom, you left?

  • STEVE: We went inside, we went to the bathroom, we walked

  • out, got a lapdance, and we walked out.

  • We left.

  • TRACY: OK, what did--

  • Did you just say--

  • You just got a lapdance?

  • STEVE: Yes, we got a lapdance.

  • TRACY: You got a lapdance?

  • STEVE: You don't know what happened.

  • They're very intimidating at these places.

  • A gigantic black guy came over, looked me

  • right in the face.

  • TRACY: Oh, yeah.

  • And he put a gun to your head?

  • STEVE: He said, hey man!

  • Y'all gonna get a lapdance.

  • TRACY: Really?

  • STEVE: Yeah.

  • TRACY: Yeah.

  • STEVE: Even the boy.

  • TRACY: Oh, wow.

  • He just, just like that?

  • STEVE: Yes.

  • TRACY: He told you you're going to get a lapdance.

  • STEVE: Yes.

  • I was frightened for, for my safety, and for Jack's.

  • TRACY: So you're telling my baby got a lapdance at a

  • dirty, filthy strip club, just covered in smoke?

  • STEVE: I don't know.

  • I didn't see him.

  • He was in a separate room.

  • TRACY: In a separate room?

  • STEVE: Shh.

  • TRACY: You've got to be kidding me.

  • STEVE: You can't do it at the same time, babe.

  • You can't make eye contact.

  • There's a very weird thing with boners.

  • TRACY: I--

  • STEVE: And for the record.

  • TRACY: Yeah?

  • She had nice tits.

  • TRACY: Oh, OK.

  • STEVE: But her ass was zitty.

  • Your ass has got way better complexion.

  • TRACY: Oh, wow.

  • Thank you so much, Steve.

  • That's go great.

  • That makes me--

  • STEVE: God, you're making a mountain out of a thong.

  • You are.

  • TRACY: Yeah, no, really?

  • But then, you bring my son Jack.

  • It reeks like--

  • No.

  • Move your foot.

  • Move your foot, Steve.

  • STEVE: Why?

  • There's not underneath my foot.

  • What food?

  • STEVE: Steve.

  • TRACY: Move the--

  • I'm moving my foot.

  • TRACY: This foot.

  • Steve.

  • STEVE: Oh, god.

  • TRACY: Destiny?

  • Really, Steve?

  • Destiny?

  • STEVE: I didn't--

  • TRACY: You got a stripper's phone number.

  • Are you kidding me?

  • STEVE: I didn't get a stripper's phone number.

  • Have you been listening at all?

  • This thong was in his jacket.

  • That phone number was in his jacket.

  • TRACY: Mm-hmm?

  • STEVE: I think we see what the problem is here.

  • TRACY: Yeah.

  • STEVE: You've been raising, like a young Tony Soprano.

  • TRACY: And did he smoke a cigarette himself?

  • STEVE: No.

  • TRACY: Take him to Oprah, you now?

  • STEVE: Give me this.

  • I'm going to call this Destiny, and I'm going to tell

  • her A, we have her thong in case she's looking for it.

  • TRACY: Oh, yeah.

  • STEVE: And B, make sure she knows how inappropriate it is

  • to give a phone number--

  • TRACY: Yeah.

  • STEVE: To a young child.

  • She, she should wait until at least he's 15 years old.

  • TRACY: Great, yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • Why don't you do that?

  • You do that.

  • You be busy with that.

  • STEVE: Fine.

  • TRACY: And I'll be taking him to swim class from now on.

  • OK?

  • TRACY: You sure you wanna do that?

  • STEVE: Yeah, I do.

  • TRACY: You really think you're ready to get back into a

  • bathing suit?

  • I shouldn't have said that.

  • Wish I could--

  • TRACY: Just sleep out on the couch forever.

  • STEVE: OK.

  • I like the way cold leather fells on my--

  • TRACY: Yeah.

  • Good.

  • It, it's just unfair, you know?

  • Because I don't know what's--

  • STEVE: What did--

  • What was the last thing you saw?

  • [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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