Canyouaskthemwhichprecisiontheyfreakedinso I canavoidit?
Oh, myfianceegetsbackfromdeploymentintwodays.
Howdo I getridofthese?
Makeloadsandloadsofmakeup, preferablywhite.
Coverthefaceareaaswelltomatchtheneck.
Getyourself a rednosetofinishthecoverup.
Thatwayyoucanlooklike a clownsinceyourrelationshipis a joke.
Wait, MariahCarey.
Okay, Thisshouldbegood.
MariahCarey, beginningwith I don't want a lotforChristmasandthenrevealingshewantsyou.
It's such a goodthing.
Brings a wholenewmeaningtothesong.
Wow, I'llactuallyenjoyitnow.
MarkZuckerbergalwayslookedlike a guyin a zombiemoviewho's beenbitten, butit's tryingtokeepit a secretfromeveryone.
It's funnybecauseit's soaccurate, MyGod, A wholenewmeaningtomyZuckerbergthat I'm sosadthatwescaredMarkZuckerbergoutoftheInternet.
Thatwassuch a beautifultimewhenhewaspartoftheInternet.
Youknow I wanthimback.
Zach, Policecomeback.
Youcanbepartofmeandreview, allright?
It's Facebook.
Stockwouldgorightup, please.
Zuk, yougotmynumber.
Justcallmeanytime.
It'llbethemostbeautifulredemptionofalltime.
I oftendaydreamaboutwinningthePowerBowlandbuyingthelicensingrightstofriendsjusttoeditoutthelaughtracks, thenreleasingitbacktothepublicforfreesoeveryonecanfinallyunderstandhowunfunnythatshowactuallyis.
I don't evenwatchfriends.
I don't evencare.
Yeah, I saidit.
I don't evenwatchfriends.
There's somanybettershowstowatch.
I agree.
Pleasedon't takebabiesintomovietheaters.
I didnotpay 30 buckstolistentoyourweekpulloutgamebra.
Yeah, Anddon't takethemtwoplaneseither.
Don't takeyourbaby's anywhere.
I justthought I don't wanttoseeyourstinkychild, bro.
ItSo I considerthis a complimentforDNAIfyourgirlfriendcheatson, youneedtounderstandthatyoulikesomethingthatmadehercheek.
Soinsteadofleavingherforanothergirl, findouttheairinyourself, apologizetoherandbe a betterman.
Welostthewrongstark.
Peopleactuallythinkthisblowsmymind.
ThefinalbosslengthenChadchampionChadchampionwith a greatalterego.
I have I haveanalteregobecausewhenever I don't wantpeopletorecognizemynamewhen I orderstuffonline, it's somethingsimilartoChadChampion, but I kindofwish I picked.
I don't thinkso, butJimmyFallonlaughslikehehastrainedmycookingme.
Forgetit, Carter.
Burnerabecauseit's mybirthday.
Sowhen I finishthisvideo, yourmomsolazyshetooknineyearstofinishthatthejokewhensomerandomintheInternetismorecommittedto a yourmamajokethanyourdadwastoyouractualmum.
TomLookslikeEminemisyoungerandlesserknown.
BrotherSkittles.
Ah, Tom, youprobablyhadtoshavehisheadfor a partyorsomething.
It's weird.
I thinkTomcouldactuallypulloff, butnowhedoesit.
I alwaysthought I shouldtryit.
Youknow, I'vealwayswantedtotryit, but I won't lookgood.
Have a weirdrelationshipwithmyhair.
I don't I don't likeit.
That's why I alwayswantedtoshaveit.
Do a bus.
Takethebuspill, man.
Forwhateverreason, doeseveryapartmentcomplexhave a dogweightlimitof £20?
Oh, myGod.
This I canpromiseyou.
My £90 goldenretrieveris a helllotbetterbehavedthanKaren's £7 pieceofdevilworshippingChihuahuaorchild, forthatmatter.
God, itpissedmeoffmeandmysaidwewanttotravelwithourdogs, butthateverycompanyhas, like a weightlimitforyourdog.