Whew, it's warm, all right.

So, you like to wear black.

Good, you look great.

But if you do like to wear black, you know the sacrifices

you make for your wardrobe, including but not limited to

being a heat magnet on a hot sunny day.

Lint is public enemy number one,

followed by loose powder,

followed by cat hair.

Pussy cat.

Got 'em.

And when someone wants to borrow something--

- Ooh, I love that, can I borrow that for tomorrow?

- Finding things in your closet can be a challenge.

- Where do we begin?

- Where does anyone begin.

At the beginning.

And that terrifying moment when you think you're wearing

your trademark all-black, but your shirt

doesn't exactly match your pants.

Dammit!

And then there's laundry day, where you may be forced

to wear those dreaded shirts at the back of your closet.

- Green?

Are you okay, are you feverish?

- I ran out of quarters, okay.

I ran out of quarters.

And also, the worst color known to mankind.

- Ooh this one's cute.

- That is supercute, does it come in black?

- Yeah, right here.

- That's navy.

Navy blue.

Damn you navy, damn you.

And then there are those that would try

and crimp your style.

- Are you almost ready to go Soph?

- Yeah.

- Seriously?

It's a baby shower.

- The baby hasn't even been born yet.

You don't know its sense of style.

(groans)

- But you wouldn't trade your funereal wardrobe for anything

because nothing will ever be the new black.

- What about this one?

(hisses)