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  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.

  • WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW" ALREADY IN PROGRESS.

  • HI, JON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?

  • >> HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

  • I'M HANGING OUT IN THE HOUSE LISTENING TO MUSIC.

  • >> Stephen: GOOD, GOOD.

  • HAVE A HAPPY EASTER THIS WEEKEND.

  • >> OH, YOU, TOO.

  • YOU KNOW, I KNOW IT'S A STRANGE TIME FOR THE FAMILIES TO COME

  • TOGETHER, BUT WE'RE GOING TO THE BEST WE CAN.

  • >> Stephen: WELL, LISTEN, HAVE A HAPPY EASTER AND WE'LL SEE YOU

  • SOON, I HOPE.

  • >> SEE YOU.

  • MUCH LOVE.

  • >> Stephen: MUCH LOVE TO YOU, TOO.

  • COVID-19 IS IMPACTING EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE.

  • EVEN NON-HUMAN LIFE, BECAUSE LAST WEEKEND, A TIGER AT NEW

  • YORK CITY'S BRONX ZOO TESTED POSITIVE FOR CORONAVIRUS.

  • GREAT, NOW WE HAVE TO STAY SIX FEET AWAY FROM TIGERS, TOO?!

  • COME ON!

  • THE SICK TIGER IS GOING TO BE OKAY.

  • THE ZOO BELIEVES SHE WAS INFECTED BY A ZOO EMPLOYEE WHO

  • WASN'T YET SHOWING SYMPTOMS.

  • SO I JUST WANT TO SAY: "HEY, TIGERS.

  • CORONAVIRUS ISN'T JUST A HUMAN DISEASE ANYMORE.

  • SO YOU HAVE TO STAY SAFE.

  • THAT MEANS STAYING HOME UNLESS YOU ARE AN ESSENTIAL TIGER.

  • SAY, IF YOU'RE A TIGER DELIVERING GROCERIES.

  • OTHERWISE, IT'S NOT SO BAD: YOU CAN BINGE WATCH NETFLIX.

  • OOH, YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT "TIGER KING."

  • YOU'RE THE ONLY TRUSTWORTHY CREATURES IN THE WHOLE SHOW."

  • IN FACT, IT'S THE BIGGEST THING ON TV RIGHT NOW.

  • IT TELLS A TERRIFYING TRUE STORY FILLED WITH GUNS, DRUGS, ANIMAL

  • ABUSE, POLYAMORY, AND A BIZARRE MURDER PLOT.

  • IT'S JUST A HAPPY ESCAPE FROM REALITY.

  • AND IT ALL CENTERS ON A BIZARRE FORMER ZOO OWNER NAMED "JOE

  • EXOTIC."

  • HE'S THE GUY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT, INCLUDING THE PRESIDENT.

  • >> ONE OF THE BIGGEST RATING HITS OF THE CORONAVIRUS ASIDE

  • FROM THESE BRIEFINGS HAS BEEN A SHOW ON NETFLIX CALLED "TIGER

  • KING."

  • HE IS ASKING YOU FOR A PARDON, SAYING HE WAS UNFAIRLY

  • CONVICTED.

  • YUR SON YESTERDAY JOKINGLY SAID THAT HE, YOU KNOW, WAS GOING TO

  • ADVOCATE FOR IT, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD SEEN THE

  • SHOW AND IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON PARDONING JOE

  • EXOTIC.

  • >> WHICH SON?

  • MUST BE DON.

  • >> IT WAS.

  • >> I HAD A FEELING IT WAS DON.

  • >> STEPHEN: YES, I HAD A FEELING IT WAS DON, TOO.

  • BECAUSE ALL ERIC WATCHES IS "PAW PATROL."

  • THE PRESIDENT SAYS, AND I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP, HE'S GOING TO

  • LOOK INTO IT.

  • WELL, I BEAT HIM TO THE PUNCH.

  • BECAUSE I RECENTLY SNAGGED AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JOE

  • EXOTIC LIVE FROM PRISON IN TEXAS WHERE HE IS CURRENTLY

  • SERVING 22 YEARS WORTH OF COURT-ORDERED SOCIAL DISTANCING.

  • JIM?

  • >> THANK YOU THERE, MR. STEVIE, TO THE ICED COLD BEER.

  • I'M THRILLED TO BE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT AND ESPECIALLY THRILLED

  • TO BE YOUR MUSICAL GUEST PERFORMING MY NEW NUMBER-ONE HIT

  • SONG "A LIGER ATE MY SHOES"!

  • >> STEPHEN: OKAY, GOOD TO KNOW.

  • BUT I WAS ACTUALLY HOPING TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS

  • >> SURE, ABSOLUTELY.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD.

  • FIRST, I THINK AMERICA WANTS TO KNOW, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

  • SINCE THE RELEASE OF THE DOCUMENTARY?

  • >> I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU ASKED THAT, LITTLE STEVIE COLBERT.

  • IT HAS BEEN LIKE A POOP PARADE ON PRUNE AVENUE AND I AM THE

  • DANG ROUSTABOUT WHO GOT HANDED THE POOPER SCOOPER.

  • DON'T JUST WHIZ IN MY SOUP AND CALL IT MINESTRONE CHRIS

  • MALONEY, OKAY, BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR MANY MOONS THAT

  • A GREAT RAIN IS COMING AND IT'S GONNA BE A PURPLE RAIN.

  • A PURPLE RAIN AND PRINCE, THEM PURPLE PEOPL

  • EATERS.

  • AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE EATING, ASK CAROL

  • BASKIN.

  • >> STEPHEN: SO YOU'RE DOING WELL?

  • >> YES.

  • >> STEPHEN: GREAT.

  • NOW, THE SERIES HAS SPARKED A LOT OF CONTROVERSY.

  • DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WERE ACCURATELY PORTRAYED BY THE

  • FILMMAKERS?

  • >> I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU ASKED THAT LITTLE STEVIE B.J. AND THE

  • COLBERT BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU THIS, THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF

  • FUNKY RHUBARB PICKED IN THE TED SARANDOSPATCH

  • THAT PAINTS ME LIKE SOME KINDA CHICKEN-FRIED FREAK-AZOID WHO IS

  • CRAZIER THAN DOWNTOWN ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN.

  • BUT, IN FACT, THAT'S JUST A COLONEL'S 12-PIECE BUCKET OF

  • DEEP FRIED BALONEY BITES, AND I'M ACTUALLY A VERY

  • DOWN-TO-EARTH PISTOL-PACKING DOUBLE HUSBAND

  • HAVING MULLET MAN WITH JOIE DE VIVRE

  • AND A LOVE OF AMERICA'S GREAT CIGARETTES.

  • >> STEPHEN: SO YOU FEEL...

  • YOU WERE TREATED UNFAIRLY?

  • >> YES, SIR.

  • >> STEPHEN: AND HAVE YOU ACTUALLY BEEN ALLOWED TO SEE

  • THE SERIES WHILE IN PRISON?

  • >> YOU KNOW, I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED THAT 1985 CHICAGO COLD TO

  • THE CHAMPIONSHI BEARS, AND LET ME TELL YOU THIS, NO.

  • I HAVE NOT SEEN IT BECAUSE THE ARYAN NATION CONTROLS THE REMOTE

  • CONTROL IN THE SORT OF MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM.

  • THEY HAVE BEEN BINGE WATCHING RERUNS OF "THE MASKED SINGER, SO

  • I CAN'T GET ANYWHERE CLOSE IT TO SO I'M UP

  • CRAP CREEK WITH A PICKLE FOR A PADDLE AND A GRINCH UP MY CRACK.

  • >> STEPHEN: OKAY, GOOD TO KNOW.

  • THAT REALLY PAINTS A PICTURE.

  • LET'S CHANGE GEARS.

  • HOW HAVE YOU BEEN HOLDING UP DURING THE CURRENT PANDEMIC?

  • >> IT'S BEEN TOUGH BUT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HEAR THE

  • PRESIDENT'S PRESS CONFERENCES EVERY DAY, AND THAT STUFF

  • DOESN'T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE.

  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, JOE EXOTIC.

  • >> AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO DO ANY MURM ONE HIT SONG.

  • LET ME GET INTO MY SINGING VOICE.

  • ♪ A LOGGERT AT MY SHOES ♪ ♪ AND NOW I SING THE BLUES FOR

  • YOU ♪ ♪ I DON'T RUN ANY ZOOS FOR YOU

  • WHEN THE LIGER ATE MY SHOES, TOO

  • >> Stephen: I'M AFRAID WE'RE OUT OF TIME.

  • STAY SAFE IN THERE, JOE EXOTIC.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

  • >> YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING.

  • I'LL BE HERE.

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.

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