I canstillrememberlookingatthosepopularkids, andthinkingtomyself: "Howhappyandhowcompletemylifewouldbeif I couldjusthangoutwiththem."
Orhowexcited I wouldfeelif I couldgotooneoftheirexclusiveparties.
Andthen I couldpostpictureswiththemonsocialmediashowingeveryonethat I wasoneofthecoolkids.
Because I reallywantedthemtolikeme, I wasalwaysverycautiousnottosaythewrongthingaroundthem, ortobringupsomethingthat I thoughttheywouldthinkislameorstupid.
Thisbehaviorisknownaswalkingoneggshells, and I walkedonthoseeggshellsthroughoutmyentirehighschoollifegoingallthewayintomycollegeyears.
I didhavefriendsduringthistime, buteventhepeoplewhodidlikeme, didnotlikeallofme.
Theylikedthepartsofmethat I wascomfortableshowingthem.
I neverreallyopenedupaboutmyhobbiesthat I thoughtwerestupid, ormyintereststhat I thoughtwereweird.