This is Devi Vishwakumar, she's a 15-year-old Indian-American girl from Sherman Oaks, California.

And it's her first day of sophomore year.

And I am legendary tennis player, John McEnroe.

[Never have I ever: best narration from John McEnroe.]

Devi has what you might consider a short fuse, and sometimes she's a straight up psycho.

Which I find pretty admirable.

Paxton Hall-Yoshida, the hottest guy at Sherman Oaks high.

I know it's a little weird for me to be saying that.

But come on, look at this kid's jawline.

As much as Devi wanted to be a chill girl that you could have sex with, she knew the truth.

She was a weird loser and a member of the UN.

And today was certainly not gonna change that.

The hot pocket, it was where all the best looking guys in school ate lunch.

We're talking Marcus Jones.

We're talking Eddie Tan.

Hell, we're talking Trent Harrison!

But Devi was determined.

Paxton's chiseled face actually worked a miracle.

But even though she told her friends that Jonah was the one she was after, Paxton Hall-Yoshida just seemed so much more, I don't know... hot.

That's why she wanted to post this thirst trap in the first place.

So Paxton would like it, and maybe like her.

So the next morning, Devi took her dad's advice and decided to fight back with her spirit, AKA she would be serving a damn lewk.

Did he just say she looked good?

Holy shit!

Maybe she wasn't as friend-zoned as she thought.

Oh God, get outta there Devi, this is a classic brush off.

Uh, cool.

Well, this certainly was not the walk of shame Devi was hoping for.

Oh, you finally figured out you're a Gryffindor like me?

No, I'm obviously a Ravenclaw like Eleanor.

They're all Hufflepuff.

So Devi was grounded and forced to become a house servant.

Currently, she was on ironing duty.

Man, this is boring.

I'm a tennis commentator, not a golf commentator!

Dr. Ryan and her friends were so wrong.

Devi wasn't lost, she was a frigging sexual conquistador who had just snagged her first kiss from a teenage Adonis!

And as far as she could tell that Jeep ride just solved all her problems.

Are you okay, kid?

Oh fuck, you're John McEnroe!

I am.

Whoa, it's me, small world.

Thank you so much, Mr. McEnroe!