When I was 5, I wanted to be nothing more than a Disney character.

5歲時,我想成為迪士尼卡通角色

I used to walk around the living room draped in old curtains

我會披著窗簾在房間走來走去

pretending I was the Evil Queen from “Snow White”.

幻想自己是白雪公主裡的壞皇后

I mean, the Evil Queen just because she's more fabulous than Snow White, obviously.

為什麼是壞皇后? 因為她顯然比白雪公主迷人多了

My heroines were Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella and probably

我喜歡的角色還有睡美人和灰姑娘

my most favorite Disney character of all time was Ariel, the Little Mermaid.

但是小美人魚才一直是我的最愛

Now as I was 5, I think her character kind of spoke to me

5歲時,我喜歡她的原因

because she had this long, luscious hair and those big, sparkling eyes.

只是她香香的長髮和亮亮的大眼

But as I look to it now, her story might actually also relate

但是現在再看她與我

a little bit to my own story, because she was a girl

好像還真有點關聯

who needed to change her body in order to be herself and I am a transsexual woman,

她需要魔法變成真的女孩 就像我動過變性手術一樣

which means that I was born biologically as a boy,

也就是說,我曾經是個男孩

but as you might see, that didn't exactly turn out the way it was supposed to.

如你們所見 這件事有了出乎意料的發展

So, actually this started when I was very young,

其實從我很小的時候就開始了

my earliest memory, probably, is when my mom was driving me home

有一次我和我媽在回家的路上

from a birthday party of a girlfriend of mine and I remember telling her that

剛從1個女孩的慶生趴回來 而我記得我就這麼跟他說

"You know, mom, that pee-pee of mine, I'm going to cut it off someday."

媽媽,我跟你說 總有一天我要把我的小弟弟切掉

Since then gender has become sort of a mystery to me.

從那時候起,性別就困擾著我

I remember looking to the world and seeing all these people

我常常看著各地的人們

who fell so naturally into either one of two categories,

那麼自然地分配在男女2類

you know, male or female, and I remember being so intrigued

而我記得我是多麼好奇

and feeling so astonished at how comfortable everybody always felt

還有多麼驚訝

with their allotted place in the world.

對於大家都能接受自己的腳色

As for me, gender always seemed like a big insider joke

對我而言,性別是個大笑話

that everybody else but me seemed to get.

但只有我知道這點

So, on the topic of gender let me ask you a couple of questions.

對於性別我想問你們幾個問題

What makes a person male or female?

什麼決定一個人是男或是女?

You know, is it just that one person has a penis and the other one has a vagina?

就只是因為有陰莖或陰道?

Or is there something more to that?

還是有比這更深層的原因?

And I think, in general, the answer would be,

而我想,普遍的答案會是

“Yes, the body does matter in determining what gender you are.”

是的 身體的確是決定性別的重要因素

I think if I would do a little experiment with you guys, where I would ask you

如果做個小實驗

to put your hand on the part of your body that determined

請大家把手放到某個身體部位

if you were a male or a female,

來決定你是男是女

most of you guys would go ahead and put your hand in between your legs,

大多數的人 會像這樣把手放到兩膝之間

but I think we can also look at other examples.

但我想我們也能看看其他例子

For example, women who undergo breast augmentations,

像是去動豐胸手術的女人

and say about that, that it would make them feel so much more feminine.

認為這麼做會讓她們更有女人味

Now, does that mean that, you know, women with bigger boobs

所以說那些胸部比較大的女人

are more feminine than women with smaller boobs?

比胸部比較小的還有女人味嗎?

I don't think it does, but I think this shows us

我不覺得是這樣 但我認為這件事情告訴我們

that there is also a realm of feeling involved when it comes to gender.

感覺與性別是有一定的關連的

I feel that we all have a voice inside of us that tells us

我們內心的聲音告訴我們

whether we are male or female, no matter what,

究竟我們是男生還是女生

and me, I never really had that voice, I never really had something inside me

但是我從來沒有聽到過

that told me what I was, or what I was supposed to be.

沒有聲音告訴我我是什麼

So, during my process of transitioning from a boy to a girl,

因此,在我轉變成女生的過程中

I actually kept wondering about these questions

我一直思索著

of what the body mattered to my gender and in the end I found out

身體對我的性別到底有什麼重要

that I actually wouldn't be able to say this about myself

但我發現我永遠不會知道

if I didn't actually experience it, if I didn't actually change my biology.

如果沒有真的體驗過 沒有真的改變過我的身體

So I underwent gender reassignment surgery,

所以,我動了變性手術

and that was 3 years ago.

在3年前

And, as I woke up from my surgery, I mean, I was in a hell of a lot of pain,

手術後醒來時,那真是痛得要命

obviously, because my pee-pee had gone bye-bye.

理所當然,因為我的弟弟不見了

I was left with a heavily bruised and brutally tortured vagina.

我所剩的是充滿瘀血的陰道

I will spare you guys the gory details, but imagine that it looked a little bit

我沒有要讓你們想到那血淋淋的細節，但稍微想像一下那畫面

like 2 stone-cold, raw hamburgers just slapped together and stuck to my body.

把2片生肉排合起來 再硬生生塞進我的身體裡

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

But as I started my recovery, the bruising went down

當我慢慢回復後,瘀血退了

and all of a sudden my life seemed to pick up where it had left off

突然間,我的生活又回到正軌

and seemed to continue as normal.

而且似乎就像平常一樣

And in this period I kept wondering to myself, you know,

這段日子理,我不斷自我思索

“Why don't I feel different? Why aren't the questions

為什麼我沒有變得不同?

about gender magically answered?" And then it hit me.

為什麼性別問題沒有被解開? 於是我才恍然大悟

I can cut off anything I want to from my body

我可以從身體上切掉任何東西

but that doesn't mean that it's going to change anything inside myself.

但這不表示我的內在會因此改變

Now as we look at Ariel, you know, the Little Mermaid,

我們再來看看小美人魚

and I'm sorry I keep using her as a reference point, but there we are,

很抱歉我一直拿她當例子

she threw her fishtail in the trash

她把她的魚尾巴丟進垃圾桶

and she grew a pair of beautiful, slender, pale legs.

長出一雙美麗,修長,白皙的腿

But it didn't actually change her, you know, inside she still was

但這並沒有改變她

the Little Mermaid that used to swim through the ocean.

她內心仍是在海中悠遊的美人魚

And now, of course, just like in Ariel's case

就像小美人魚一樣

my surgery gave me a way to live my life the way I wanted it,

手術給我機會過我想要的生活

because all of a sudden to the world my body seemed to match the image

因為對這個世界而言

that I presented of myself to the outside world.

我的身體終於符合我的形象

So, to the world I seemed figured out, but to myself I wasn't figured out at all.

對世界而言,問題好像解決了 但對我而言,仍是一頭霧水

I had no idea, and the questions that I had remained hovering

那些問題仍令我毫無頭緒

in and out of my mind as it did before.

就像之前不斷進進出出我的思緒

But does that mean that I regret getting my gender reassignment surgery?

但是這意味著我後悔動手術嗎?

No, the answer should be definitely, “No.”

不,一點也不

If I had to make the decision again, I would in an instant.

如果再選擇一次,我也不會猶豫

You know, it might seem strange that in order to understand

這對你們而言也許很奇怪

that there is no such thing as being a woman, I had to become a woman.

我必須變成女人來瞭解女人

But that way, my surgery became, not a way of getting in

但是手術並沒有解決我的問題

on the big insider joke, but of creating a little insider joke,

反而又開了另一個玩笑

for myself, for me alone.

針對我的玩笑

And that was probably the point where I just gave up

這也大概是個轉捩點

on trying to figure out gender and try to answer questions

我放棄去思索性別的問題

that I knew I couldn't answer.

開始試著想曾經無法回答的問題

And I started focusing on what I did know about myself,

我開始探求自己的內心

and what I found out, kind of shocking, actually, I found out that that was happy,

而我得到的答案也令我驚訝

I was so happy with who I was.

原來我有這麼喜歡自己

So gender actually didn't really matter anymore to me.

於是性別對我再也不重要了

You know, whatever label you would put on me,

不論你們怎麼看我

male, female or transgender or whatever, I would always be myself.

男性,女性或變性人,我就是我

You know, I'm actually kind of proud to stand here before you

其實我很驕傲今天能站在這裡

and be able to say that about myself,

並且分享我的故事

you know, that despite everything, despite this entire process

儘管中間經歷許多過程

of trying to figure out gender, which started off with me as a little boy

從我小時候就開始的性別疑惑

playing with Barbie dolls and progressed into

一直到後來

a very heavy gender reassignment surgery,

我動了變性手術

I can now stand here before you and say about myself, that no matter what,

現在我可以在這裡跟你們說

I will always be myself.

無論如何,我就是我

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

(掌聲)