[screaming]

[explosion]

[laughing]

Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it?

Is it true, Squidward? Is it hilarious?

Why couldn't the 11 year old get into the pirate movie?

- Why? - It was rated R!

[laughing]

Argh!

[laughing]

Because it's... about... pirates.

Hey, Little Squidward, what's grey and ugly and has six arms?

I dunno but have you looked in the mirror lately?

What--

[laughing]

And to think, I could be wearing a powdered wig right now.

Hey, Squidward, do you want me to cast out over here so you can watch me?

How about you cast out over there so I can ignore you?

OK.

How many of you have played musical instruments before?

Do instruments of torture count?

- No. - Is mayonnaise an instrument?

No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.

Horseradish is not an instrument either!

SpongeBob, I have a confession to make.

[screaming]

- You're bald? - No, I'm not bald!

I'm alive!

Let's hear what you've accomplished since high school, Squiddy!

Don't be intimidated, Squidward.

Try to imagine him in his underwear!

Oh, no, he's hot!

In the movie, the hero teams up with a buddy

and they get to poop on the robot!

They poop on the robot?

Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop,

ask questions, get information!

I never thought I'd say this, but SpongeBob, let's get that poop!

Uh-huh, I can't believe it's finally here!

There you go!

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thank you Mr... Tennis Balls!

That's Tentacles!

[door slamming]

Yeah, er, we're with the pet hospital down the street

and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises?

[door slamming]

[phone ringing]

Hello, you've reached the house of unrecognized talent.

Please start after the--

Hello, ladies.

♪ When my tear ducts give issue ♪

♪ I can't use just any tissue ♪

♪ I need four ply, four ply Four ply when I cry ♪

Huh!

- Hey, that is not Boy's Who Cry! - Yeah!

[splashing]

Are you ready to rock, Squidward?

- No. - Good, 'cause we've got customers!

Here, please hit me as hard as you can.

Psst, Squidward.

[giggling]

Don't hold back.

Could you pipe down over there, Iron Lung?

[laughing]

[sucking]

Looks like when it comes to having fun, you don't have a leg to stand on!

[laughing]

Try to repeat after me.

[music playing]

Brass section, go!

[music playing]

Good, now the wind!

[music playing]

And the drums!

[spluttering]

Too bad that didn't kill me.

SpongeBob, if I were trapped at the bottom of a well for three years

with nothing to eat but that Krabby Patty,

I'd eat my own legs first!

And not just the extra ones!

Oh, you mean this pie?

Let's eat!

Oops!

[explosion]

I'll have two Krabby Patties.

OK and would you like cheese on--

[splattering]

- Do you need a break or something? - Huh?

Oh, no, wha-- no, that was not me, I swear!

No, wait, really--

- But it's good for you! - Good for you?

That thing is a heart attack on a bun!

No, Squidward, I meant...

Good for your soul.

Oh, per-lease!

I have no soul!

[laughing manically]

Get that suit on, sailor, it's already been paid for!

Rage, fury, irritation, humiliation.

Day ten and non-stop service!

- Mr. Krabs, can I go home yet? - No one goes home!

Look at these bags under my eyes, even my bags have bags!

[screaming]

I'm warning you,

if you don't put my house back where it belongs

by the count of three...

Three.

I am gonna grind you into chum!

Squidward, you can't eat all those patties at one time!

Squidward!

What's gonna happen? Am I gonna blow up?

No, first, it'll go right to your thighs!

My thighs?

And then you'll blow up.

[explosion]

[music playing]