Boys that only talk about themselves will not do well with Japanese girls.

Hey guys on Ask Japanese it's Cathy Cat and today I am joined by my friend...

Hey guys ....... sorry!

Hey guys it's Hiroko from Hiroko TV!

And today we're gonna go and ask how to approach a Japanese girl!

We're gonna go through like chatting them up for the first time, finding a chance to talk with

them... maybe becoming friends, going on dates, that kind of stuff is what we are

aiming to cover. On that note let's go.

What is a way for males and females to mingle in Japan and say hi to each other in a

safe environment... I heard It's very different. You can't just walk up to someone on the street and say "Hey would you like

to go for coffee?" You can't do that. You can't do the American way.

"Wanna go for pizza?" - Do they still do that?

I am not American so I don't know. We Germans are a lot more awkward. We first become friends and sniff around

each other for a while. Once we feel comfortable we ask each other out. That's what it was...

I like that way. I like the way you explained. - What do...

Japanese guys and girls... where is a good chance to get to know a Japanese girl?

At least say hi to her.

Ah wait! Wait? Seriously?! We have been talking in English the whole time!! - OH!

Wait a moment

On that note, we will switch to Japanese. - Let's do that.

There are subs, don't forget to click them on. Anyways let's do this in Japanese!

I heard meeting people in Japan is really difficult?

I think so too. - Especially people you don't know...

You generally don't speak to strangers right?

We sometimes do. But chatting people up is seen as being easy

It's like you said before CathyCat

"He was chatting me up, so he just wants to play around" that's the image

This makes it hard to meet people. -Abroad it's ok

to talk with people while waiting at the bus stop, right?

You can say "oh the bus is late" abroad but you don't do that in Japan.

Talking with strangers. - TRUE! - So starting a conversation with strangers

is really difficult here. - Compared to abroad it is.

I would also be surprised if someone suddenly talked to me.

Japanese people don't start conversations with strangers.

You have foreign friends right. How did you meet them?

They were friend of friends. - You got introduced!

Yeah. - My American friends would go for drinks

and invite me to a place called "Hub".

I agreed and followed them in the group. We met another group

of people and became friends. We were a group of girls getting drinks

while waiting one said "hey girl what's up". I thought she was cute!

So we became friends. - Going to foreign pubs in Japan has the advantage

of meeting some Japanese who want to practice their English.

I guess that's an advantage of those places. - I think so

But I think the best is to meet people through a hobby!

That's the ideal! - I agree! Meeting people at bars has a negative image

for many people here.

The people I met in pubs and bars, even if a boy said to me...

"Hey girl what's up?" I wouldn't be able to talk with him.

I see. In our interviews I hear that a lot too...

Girls are scared of boys having other reasons for talking with them...

Ulterior motives. They're worried about that. - I see!

We can't really blame them, you know!

I am personally not scared of foreign boys that way.

I don't want to just play around. It would be a waste of both our times so it's best to ignore it.

I see. - So I just leave. But if I like that person,

or I think he is cool, I think it's ok to talk with him.

But all in all meeting in bars doesn't have a good image in Japan.

We often hear that Japanese girls are shy

-Yeah - And some say they can't communicate their "NO" well

Those type of girls will not even start a conversation

with boys. "If I should talk back with him... he might accept me in

but I might not be able to turn him down later, so I won't talk with him at all" there are girls like that.

Maybe apps like "Meetup" and such

where people get together and meet for their hobbies are good

I heard about those apps where people all gather to learn photography or such

or all go fishing together or something. - Yeah those meetups!

What I have seen a lot for couples in Japan is that they met through a hobby

Or they were introduced to each other.

What I can see a lot these days,

are those dating apps and "Machikon" meets

Can you explain "Machikon Meets" to those who might not know?

A machikon is a bigger version of arranged blind double dates

There will be 3 girls and 3 boys who meet for the first time for drinks

It's like a tripple date, you won't know who will match with whom

but there is an equal amount of boys and girls

There is a larger, a city version of that. Like the Shibuya Machikon meets

Where a huge amount of young people meet at the same time - Yeah

Can I suddenly ask a personal question? - Ok? - You had boyfriends

from abroad right. - Yes. - How did you meet? You said...

it was introduction by friends. - True! I was hanging out with my mates

and he was a friend of a foreign friend of mine.

We were all playing basketball and I was watching

We watched the match, went for drinks

and that's when we started

getting along. But we broke up quickly. - Sorry girl!

Can you give a hint how to start talking to a Japanese girl?

Like do and don'ts? - Boys that just talk about themselves,

won't do well. Girls want to chat right?

I guess that might just me. Boys who are like "I am great"

who talk a lot... Bad example would be...

Boy who boast like "I have done so well at work today, I am so great"

Better would be to bring the girl a coffee and say "Hey what's up, you look a little sad today."

"Are you alright? Want to talk about it?" Those boys are the ideal.

I see what you mean! Girls love it when boys show that their feelings are considered.

I understand that! - Japanese girls also love...

after you become REALLY close, to get head pats.

Head pats? - Like "You did a good job today" like that.

or "Well done gal" pat pat or "You are such a hardworker"

It's not too much. - So show don't tell.

Don't say "I am great, I am popular..."

or "I am a real catch".... rather than that

show that you are good person.

Don't just talk the talk, walk the walk.

What you're doing is important. Are you thinking of the other person

and their feelings? Do they look tired? Bring them a coffee.

Or a water. Think of the other person. - But let's be honest...

those kind boys are generally already married.

True. - Whenever I see a nice guy, his ring sparkles back at me.

WHAT YOU TOO!? - And you're like "Oh noo"

FYI: Many Japanese people marry around 23

The Japanese language is a barrier too. - It is. You don't have to be perfect at it but

show you're trying. - Yeah that would make girls happy.

Trying words like "arigatou" would make girls happy. "Oh he speaks a little!"

We would feel saver with him. Even just greeting like "Good Morning" and such

or "Are you ok" in Japanese. Or "you are cute"

we wanna hear that. Boys should at least know those.

Even when we should communicate in English, those Japanese words

make my heart beat faster.

I see. Have him show that he makes an effort.

I think what is also super important with girls...

Being able to read the other person. - Understand their feelings?

Yeah. I think if you meet strangers, it's hard to read the other

but be as kind as you can be. - But don't lie!

or such. Try to take care of...

that person. Have that attitude.

I think what's also important with Japanese girls...

they HATE boys who are too pushy. - YEAH that's a NO GO!!!

Because of the cultural difference it's not really anybody's fault

but if you are too pushy, girls will hate you for it.

If a girl says "Let's meet another time." Don't ask "When exactly?" - That's bad!

Be careful. If she turns you down with "another time"

foreigners often want to know when... but if she doesn't give you

a when.... don't push. They might dislike it.

And people who message too much too. Everything should be in balance.

Don't write "Why why why are you not replying?"

We use the app LINE instead of Whatsapp in Japan

"You read my message but didn't answer straight away. Why?"

"Why are you then posting on IG?" Suffocating people like that.

"You said to me you are too busy to see me but..."

"The other day you had food with friends!" boys who are like that even BEFORE dating

will probably be hated for it.

Even if you're just saying it as a joke, it's not cool.

Or sending a little sticker/stamp in the app

Just wait guys

So those were some first steps how to approach a Japanese girl.

There are different ways of approaching a girl, also

different types of girls, if you go out to a pub or your local chess club you're gonna

meet very different people but be careful. Don't be too pushy.

And good luck. - Good luck!!! - Thanks so much

for tuning in. Also check out Hiroko's channel she is doing a fitness challenge right now

And I hope I see you soon for more stuff here on Ask Japanese. Bye!

Bye! - Thank you Hiroko. - Thank's for having me!