Reporting for duty sir!

Private Luigi!

Ready to kick some Koopa Ass!

At 0500, Bowser's airships

dropped two atomic ba-bombs on Yoshi's Island.

Emperor Yoshi has surrendered unconditionally.

The Mushroom Kingdom is the last nation standing

between Bowser and complete annihilation.

Make no mistake men.

Most of you will die in this war.

But we have a secret weapon more powerful than the whole Koopa Empire.

Plungers.

Our freedom

Oh yeah.

Command has seen fit to send you on a special mission.

Gear up!

Yeah, this sucks.

What are you talking about, Luigi?

Look at us, the Mario Brothers…

fixing toilets in the Royal Palace.

This is every plumber's dream!

It's too bad pops can't see us now.

I didn't sign up to plunge toilets, I signed up to kill Koopas!

And here we are in the safest place in the Mushroom Kingdom!

It's about damn time…

Tango!

Luigi!

Mario, you're gonna be OK! It was just a flash bang!

Drop the weapon!

I said drop the - screw it!

You…bastards.

Put him in the truck. He's going to the Brothers.

What do we do with this one?

The Hammer Brothers said they only need one.

Waste him!

Sarge… Look out.

Mario… You've gotta get out of here.

But…

Forget the toilets… They got your brother.

Luigi? Where?

The… Hammer… Brothers…

Ugh, gross.

Hammer Base

Huh?

Well, well, look at you two ladies.

What, are you gonna give me a manicure?

Quiet!

Aw, look at the little camera. Isn't that cute?

Oops! I'm sorry!

What is wrong with you?

You're going to pay for that! Shut him up!

Did I hit your little - OOF!

Alright, alright. I won't kick it over.

Ohhh!

Would you stop that already!

Shut up!

Look, they give me the creeps. That's all I'm saying.

Watch your mouth soldier, or you'll end up in their next video.

Look, I just want to finish this mission and get home.

These two Shygirl… Well, they weren't so shy if you know what I mean.

Take this for a second!

Aw come one, I'm ready for my close up!

Stop it!

Ooh, my meatballs!

Stop laughing you idiot.

Action.

People of the Mushroom Kingdom...

for too long we've felt the oppression of your boots upon our backs -

BORING! Guys, guys, guys...

I don't mean to tell you your business here, but

this movie sucks!

Quiet!

Shutup!

Don't use that part.

There he is! Get him!

Wait wait wait!

(fight noises)

Who's out there?

It's me, Mario - OHH!

Luigi?

LUIGI!

Now you will all witness the fury of Bowser's Army.

Guys, guys… What's my line again?

I can still kick your ass with my other leg!

Ow!!!

Luigi?

Game over, plumber.

Hold on, Luigi.

This man was foolish enough to defy us.

Now he will pay the ultimate price.

Down with the Mushroom Kingdom.

All glory to Bowser!

Hey! You picked the wrong plumber, pal.

Mario, lookout!

Mario, stop messing around.

Oohhhh! My meatballs!

I got him! I got him, Mario!

You get the other one!

Yeah, that's right!

Come on Luigi. I'm getting you out of here.

I was just about to kick their asses.

I know you were. Come on, let's go.

Luigi, come on!

I'm sorry brother. This was a one way ticket for me.

What are you talking about?

I can't feel…

I can't feel my balls!

I'm not leaving here without you.

Now you listen to me! You got to get out of here.

I ain't losing a brother today!

That makes two of us!

Hurry up, Mario. Can't you go any faster?

Luigi…

Um, not so much jiggling. My balls…

I swear to god, Luigi. I swear to god!

(ferocious growls)

Careful, Mario. This is Donkey Kong Country.