Ainsley!

給我拍影片的點子！

Give me a video idea!

「為何你不拍個你幾年前就拍過的影片 短期內也不會有人發現」

Why don't you just make the same video you did a few years ago in short people are too dumb to realize

「你其實已經拍過一模一樣的影片， 這樣你就可以永無止境地推出影片了」

You already made this video, this way you can make videos forever and you can become unstoppable.

「這是個樣本」

Ainsley - This is a demo...

嗨大家，今天我們要來做「google我自己」

*happy* Hey guys, today we're gonna- I'm gonna Google Myself.

我從沒做過這件事(騙人)

I've never done this before

我真的很興奮

I'm pretty excited!

你們有試過「GOOGLE你自己」嗎?

Have you guys ever Googled yourself?

哈你真可愛，你又不有名

Huh that's cute, you're not famous.

好啦，如果你有當過YOUTUBER或任何一種公眾人物

Well, if you happen to be a youtuber, or any former- former public person

GOOGLE你自己有點像是在自慰

Googling yourself is kinda like masturbating

有剃刀片黏在你的手上

Wi- With razor blades glued to your hands.

呃你以為這會很棒，但說真的，這會變成一大綑的屎

Ehh- You know, you think it's gonna be nice, but really it's just gonna be uh- bunch of shit.

這對你來說是個的好比喻嗎--- 喔對我想這是一個很好的隱喻

Is that a good method for ya- Oh ya that's a good methaphor

今天，我要來GOOGLE我自己，我從沒有做過這件事

Today, I am going to Google Myself, I've never done this before

你知道的，這應該會非常的有趣， 另外，我正在舉行一個投票

So you know, it should be pretty interesting, also I'm doing a poll.

你們要來告訴我--你最喜歡這個月的哪一天...

If you can answer me what you favorite day of the month is.

來吧！

Let's go!

(鍵入)pewdiepie...

*typing* Pewdiepie... *suddenly quiet*

(鍵入)是...

*continue typing* is ...

小屁孩。

a child.

*悲傷音樂*

*and then pewds realizes*

*下起雨來了*

*dramatic music und background*

*Q___Q*

*autistic screeching*

喔喔喔，這就是原因， (下方影片標題)「Pewdiepie是個小屁孩強姦犯」

Oooohh, that's why, *reads* "Pewdiepie is a child rapist" *OH NO!!*

太棒了，太棒了

Great, gr8.

這就是會出現的東西

That's what shows up.

這種東西就是會出現的東西

This is what's shows up.

你可以想像嗎？有些家長不知道我他媽的是誰， 然後他們就：

Can you imagine somewhat's parents dunno wtf I am, and then like:

(模仿家長)「pewdiepie是誰?」

"Who is Pewdiepie?"

「pewdiepie是個--喔小屁孩！」

"Pewdiepie is a oh- a child!"

「強姦犯...」

"...rapist."

*嘻哈音樂* (歌詞：Pewdiepie是小屁孩強姦犯)

*3pac song plays*

之前是不是有個新聞說3pac死了? *3pac就是剛剛那首歌的作者

There was this news about 3pac dying *really?*

我不確定是真的假的

I'm not sure it's true or not.

3pac死於他在練習水球時， 他停止呼吸後，就沒有了生命跡象

*reads* "3pac died when he was taken off life support after he stopped breathing during water polo practice"

這是-這是真的嗎?

Is that- is that true?

我不--我是說如果這是真的，那真的很悲傷

I don't- I mean it's really sad if it's true.

這有點像某種「前5大死法的列表」你知道嗎?

It would have been somekind of "Top 5 death list" you know, like

(鍵入)前5大...

Top 5...

呃....

...uhh...

最悲傷的日本動漫死...

saddest anime deaths...

或是「2016年的5大悲傷時刻」，你知道嗎

or Top 5 saddest moments of 2016, you know.

這是什--我不--

What the f- , I don-

我對這整件事真的很困惑， 因為「前5大」並沒有被覆蓋過去

I'm really confused by the whole thing, cuz the Top 5 videos are not covering it.

(繼續念搜尋列其他選項)

*continue typing and reading*

Pewdiepie死了

"Pewdiepie is dead"

當然

Of course...

喔呃，「附帶證據」！

Oh uh, with PROOF!!

好喔，這很有趣

Alright, that's interesting.

(播放影片+快轉)

*music and video plays*

*WTF*

*EARRAPE*

喔對啦，這有點像流水帳啦

Yeah, that's pretty much settles the deal.

*搖滾音樂* 搜尋列寫「Pewdiepie很性感」

*rock music*

喔呵呵呵呵(́◉◞౪◟◉‵)

*laughs*

18！

18!

Pewdiepie是 kazoo小孩 (請上網搜尋kazoo kid)

Pewdiepie is the kazoo kid.

你知道嗎--這他媽的是什麼??

You know- What the fuck is this?!

最白癡的YOUTUBER？ 不！

The dumbest youtuber? No!

你竟敢這麼說！ 我至少有你一倍的智商

How dare you? I have an IQ of at least a couple.

喔，因為這個蠢影片

Oh because of this fucking video.

謝謝Sorsha(此影片製作者)，感激你

Thanks Sorsha. Appreciate ya.

他媽的老天爺啊

Jesus fucking Christ

Pewdiepie是最棒的YOUTUBER

Pewdiepie is the best youtuber.

好的，大家聽到了

Well you've heard it here first folks.

謝謝大家，感激你們

Thanks everybody. Appreciate ya.

「Pewdiepie成為youtube最多訂閱數頻道的10個理由」

10 reasons why Pewdiepie is the most subscribed youtube channel.

完全拜這令人驚嘆的粉絲作品所賜

Because of this amazing fan art.

Pewdiepie幾歲？ 27歲

Pewdiepie age. 27.

GOOGLE你贏了這個回合

You won that round Google

可惡

God dammit.

27歲，我也太老了

27. I'm getting too old for this.

有沒有個更年輕、更吸引人 然後真的很好笑的人來接替我的位置

Can someone like younger and more attractive and actually funny please take over

因為我有點---我很累了

Cuz, I'm getting a little- I'm getting tired.

「小朋友的玩具評論」的Ryan？ 快來接手

Ryan from Kid's Toy Reviews? Please. Come on.

你必須快點長大成人，好嗎?

You need to grow up faster alright?

很快你就完全不可愛了，你會看起來像這樣

Soon you're not going to be cute and adorable any more and you're gonna look like this

然後你就要來接手這裡， 來為我拍影片，懂嗎？

and you're gonna have to take over- gonna have to fill in for me alright?

我是說「拜託，他們是youtube最大的頻道」

I mean come one. They're the biggest youtube channel.

很明顯的

Clearly.

如果他們已經接手了任何東西

If anything they've already taken over.

我是說，去問問所有人

I mean, ask anyone

嘿，誰是最大的youtuber？

Hey, who's the biggest youtuber?

喔！

Ahh!

是P--P--P---「Ryan的玩具評論」！就是他！

That's P- P- P... Ryan's Toy Reviews! That's it!

(鍵入)誰是最大的youtuber？

Who's the biggest youtuber

這真的很奇怪， 因為最大的youtuber明明是「Ryan的玩具評論」

This is really weird to me because clearly it should be saying 'Ryan's Toy Review'

我不知道--我不知道為何會變成 「這就是答案」的這種結果

I don't understand why it came up like 'this is the answer' result

我需要回報這個狀況給google (選擇「這個資訊沒有用」的選項)

I'm gonna have to report this and send feedback.

「最大的youtuber應該是Ryan的遊戲評論.」

'The biggest youtuber is Ryan Toy Reviews'

「大笑」

'L-O-L'

「每溝人都朱道。」 (「每個人都知道」pewds故意打錯字)

'errybody kniows dat'

每個人，每~個人都知道

Everyone- everyone knows that!

他的收入？

His net worth?

4百萬(幣值可能是美金)

4 million.

呃(´_ゝ`)

*sighs*

還真可愛

That's cute.

2017年的收入，ok

2017. 'Worth right now'. Ok

這是什麼？

What is this?

好，好，好，結論是甚麼？

Alright, alright, alright, what is the verdict?

6千1百萬！

61!

喔！

OH!

♪ 火影忍者主題曲 ♪

*sings Naruto theme song n° 2*

♪ 我沒有那麼多錢 ♪

I don't have that much money!

我希望我有，那會很棒，說真的

I wish though. That would be great. Honestly.

真的超好，超讚

That would be great. That would be nice.

他們是怎麼算出這個數字的？我真的很好奇

How do they come up with these numbers? I'm really curious.

這是指我該賺得多少嗎？我做錯了什麼嗎？

Is that how much I should be making? Am I doing something wrong here?

你們這幫傢伙沒有點擊廣告嗎？

Are you guys not clicking on the ads? Like wh-

發生什麼事？

What's happening alright?

我們需要談談這件事嗎？ 我需要加入更多的插播廣告嗎？

Are we going to have to have a talk? Do I need to put more fucking mid-rolls?

三小啦

What the fuck

「由於他是瑞典人，需要課掉56%的稅率...」

Because he's Swedish and in a 56% tax bracket...

*悲桑的音樂*

*sad piano music*

謝謝你的提醒啦

Thanks for bringing that up.

謝謝你的...(難過)

Thanks for *blubbers*

不用你來提醒我

You didn't have to mention that!

不用你說這些話...

You didn't have to say that.

我其實有一家有限公司，所以是21%的稅

I actually have a limited company so it's 21% taxes.

你以為我怎麼沒開他媽的藍寶堅尼？ 你覺得我會付56%的稅金？

What you think I'm not driving a fucking lambo? Think I'm gonna pay 56% taxes?

人們還想「哇他還真謙虛跟溫和！」不！

People think 'Oh he's so humble and modest.' No!

不不不不不不！

No no no no no no no!

我只是不想繳56%的稅金！

I just don't want to pay 56% taxes!

還有可能更多勒！三小啦！

Could be even more! Fuck that!

你必須他媽的裝笨

You've got to be fucking stupid

我每天都他媽的開Nissan的車

I'll drive a fucking Nissan any day!

跟我不付稅金的時間一樣久

As long as I don't pay fucking that shit

我只付21%的稅金，非常謝謝你

I'll take my 21% thank you very much!

Pewdiepie ISIS.(恐怖組織)

Pewdiepie ISIS.

喔對我忘記這件事，真的有這則新聞

Oh yeah I forgot about this. This is actually news.

真的有這則新聞

This is actually news.

他們還貼了這張照片

They posted this picture.

新聞文章中貼了這張照片

A news article posted this picture.

喔對，還有這則新聞，我的推特被停權

Oh yeah, that was the news. I was suspended from twitter.

我被停權了因為他們覺得我被駭了

I got suspended because they thought I was being hacked

因為我的舉動像他媽的白癡

Because I was acting like a fucking moron.

Pewdiepie很性感

'Pewdiepie is hot'

這他媽的是甚麼？

What the fuck is this?

我是BG Kumbi，我拍這支影片

'My name is BG Kumbi and I am making this video'

是因為我不舒服而且很疲倦，由於一些負面的評價

'beacuse I am sick and tired of getting negative comments'

從Pewdiepie影片下面的兄弟軍團來的

'from the Bro Army on my Pewdiepie video.'

那些負面評價是你應得的

You deserve all those negative comments

你這白斬雞

You albino looking shit.

你們有意識到這是一種言論控制的霸凌嗎？

'Do you people realise that what you're doing is considered cybernetic bullying?'

*笑*

*laughs*

如果你很害怕言論控制的霸凌， 你為何不閉上眼睛？

If you're so scared of cybernetic bullying, why don't you just close your eyes?

你為何不就裝沒看到就好？

Why don't you just look away!

我只想說，兄弟軍團

'I just want to say, the Bro Army'

都是一大票的小屁孩

'is full of a bunch of children.'

這傢伙他媽的以為自己是誰？

Who the fuck does this guys think he is?

我比Pewdiepie還壯， Pewdiepie是個瘦骨精

'I'm more muscular than Pewdiepie. Pewdiepie is a lightweight'

三小啦？

What the fuck?

你們看到了吧？

'Y'all see this?'

嗯啊

Yeah.

這就是你付出努力訓練的會得到的成果

'This is what happens when you dedicate yourself to training.'

每一天

'All day every day.'

這就是你的乳頭分太開會得到的成果

It's what happens when your nipples are too far apart.

喔！σ ﾟ∀ ﾟ) ﾟ∀ﾟ)σ

OH!

而不是廢在你的房間裡，為了電玩遊戲大吼大叫的

'Instead of sitting in your room, yelling and screaming at video games.'

像個自私又被寵壞的孩子

'Like a selfish little spoilt child.'

喔是嗎？喔！

Oh really? OH!

影片男：這就是Pewdiepie所做的事 Pewds：喔你覺得這就是我做的事嗎？

'Which is what Pewdiepie does.' Oh do you think that's what I do?!

pewds：你覺得我又吵又叫？ 影片男：最棒的部分是...

You think that's what I- 'The best part is, er'

影片男：我打賭Pewdiepie正在看這個影片， 而且他覺得很忌妒

'I bet Pewdiepie's watching this video right now and he's feeling a little jealous.'

不！

No!

我才沒有忌妒！尤其是這個男的

I am not jealous! Of this man

雖然他的三頭肌真的很讚的說

His triceps do look very nice though.

因為，他知道我比他更像個真男人

'Because he knows that I'm more of a real man than him.'

*又在難過了*

*sad piano music*

這不是真的，不要聽這個男人說的

That's not true. Do not listen to this man.

我有更大的肌肉

'I got bigger muscles.'

*脫衣*

*rock music*

喔是嗎？

Oh really?

喔是嗎？

Oh really?

我向你挑戰BG Kumbi，來幹架吧

I challenge you BG Kumbi. For a fight!

看看這個「素食主義者」的身體

Look at this VEGETARIAN BODY!!!

我賭他甚至舉不起來

'I bet he doesn't even lift.'

老兄，我舉---我舉你他媽的屁股

Bro I lift- I lift your mom's ass

我喜歡這個，「10個youtuber的秘密技能」

I love this one. 'Top 10 Secret Youtuber Talents!'

Pewdiepie，我的秘密技能是啥？

Pewdiepie. What the fuck is my secret youtube talent?

這三小？因為---我才沒有什麼秘密--

What the fuck is it? Cuz, I don't have a secret-

我沒有祕密技能

I don't have a secret talent.

Alfie：我沒辦法動我的耳朵，你可以嗎？

"I can't wiggle my ears, can you?"

我可以

"I can."

你可以?

"Can you?"

對，雖然我看不到就是了

"Yeah, I can't see it though"

*動耳朵*

*wiggle ears*

我也想試試看，一定很刺激，動動耳朵

"I want to be able to try it, goin' to be excited eh, wiggling yer ears"

你是怎麼做到的？

"How do you do that?"

*關掉影片*

*clicks out video*

所以Alfie沒有任何技能，對吧？

So, Alfie doesn't have any talent, huh?

*上膛*

*gun cock*

*激動音樂*

*music*

Pewdiepie令人驚訝的擅長B-BOX

*video* "Pewdiepie is surprisingly good at beatboxing"

✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

*Pewds beatboxing*

*暫停*

*video pauses*

說真的，我只是沒梗不知道怎麼開場， 所以我就用嘴巴製造點噪音

Literally, had no idea how to make an intro, so I just make some fuckin' noises with my mouth

這才不是秘密技能

That's not a secret talent.

呃呃呃我有我的舌頭，我有個長舌頭

Ehh-uhh, I have my tongue, I have a long tongue.

*舔鼻孔中*

*Pewds lick his nose*

好嗎，這把大家嚇壞了

Alright, it freaks people out.

「我的電話號碼？」

*reads* "Phone number"

真的嗎？你們真他媽詭---

Really? You fuckin' wei-

你們這幫傢伙真他媽詭異！

You guys are fuckin' weird!

Pewdiepie這名字是甚麼意思？

*reads* "What is the meaning of Pewdiepie?"

真是個我一直會被問的問題

Such a question that I always get.

而答案總是非常的爛

And the answer always so shit.

去問每個人的帳號是什麼意思

Ask anyone what their fucking username means.

他們都會說「阿，就聽起來不錯這樣」

It's just like "Ah, it sounded good"

我想這就是我選擇它的理由

"I guess that's why I picked it"

謝謝你們看這支影片

Thanks for watching this video.

呃我幹嘛做這種事

Ah, why did I do that? (dunno)

如果你很喜歡這支影片

If you enjoyed it,

也可以看看另外一支影片，我想你會想看更多

Check out another one I think you'll enjoy more videos.

你不喜歡影片？

Don't you like videos? (yes i do)

看看這個

Watch this one!

跟這支影片一樣的內容

It's the same video as this one,

再看一次

◔ ⌣ ◔

Watch it again!