Season three, "Thumbs Up." What's up, everyone?

My name is David Choe.

I'm here with the son of my uncle's cousin, Harry Kim, AKA

Guam Cruise, AKA Horny Kim, AKA Harry Kim.

Gettin' down.

Got ribs.

Anyways, "Thumbs Up." This is a show about hitchhiking,

riding trains, riding airplanes, riding boats.

Any means necessary to get across whatever

country that might be.

Today that country happens to be China.

That's where we are right now.

In BJ, Beijing.

A city known for Peking Duck and hand release.

And it's the art capital of the world right now.

We're going to hitchhike across this country.

We're going to go someplace, maybe warm, someplace

hopefully where there's gambling and some

nice looking ladies.

We're going to start that adventure today.

But before we start--

you know, in a perfect world, I would make a living from

hitchhiking.

Unfortunately, I make my living from drawing pictures,

and painting stuff, and pushing pigment around.

And that's what brought me here.

I have my first art show in China.

So come on America, come on China.

Come see what I do for a living.

Why don't you get to know me a little bit?

Let's check out some art.

"Thumbs Up" season three.

Hey.

Let's go to look my room.

Oh.

Look who we have here.

So, this is basically where I've been living for

the last two weeks.

Three weeks, now.

And this is where I stay, where I put my whole show of

art together for China.

I never been here before.

And the skies were grey, there's soldiers, there's

dirty ass street markets.

And all this stuff was amazing for inspiration for all the

paintings and stuff, but it's bleak.

There's nothing out where I am.

And I was painting like I was a monk.

And I got really fuckin' horny.

I wanted to fuck so bad.

But I don't speak the language.

I don't speak one word of Chinese.

From here, we went to the mall.

It was the first time I had been around

women in three weeks.

So I was looking pretty much how I look now, sleazy as

fuck, holding a bucket of KFC, eating the chicken, going down

the elevator, trying to look up skirts.

Trying to hit on girls.

Ni hao.

Not having very good luck with it.

I just got a raging boner at the Chinese mall.

I couldn't [INAUDIBLE]

to any of these girls.

So I came back to this room right here.

Harry was pretending to be sleeping.

And I fucking jacked off day and night for 36 hours.

And in this angle right here, after my my penis was stuck to

my leg like this and I couldn't fucking

touch myself anymore.

I looked up his metal ceiling beams right here.

And there's like a metal rust pattern on there.

And in my zapped out state, that pattern of the old man

popped out at me.

So I grabbed my sketchbook and I started drawing this old man

staring at me.

This sort of became a catalyst for the new shit that I did

out here, which was this old pervert, hanging out at the

mall, staring at chicks.

Everyone always asks me what my art's about.

And it's about the gigantic pervert that lives inside me.

Scumbag.

We're all scumbags.

So this is the old man.

This is the oil painting I did from that little sketch from

the old man on the ceiling.

And I did a ton of these outside.

FEMALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

DAVID CHOE: I tried to talk to many girls today so far, and

none of them speak English.

Mia seems to speak perfect English, so we're going to

talk to her a little bit.

MIA: And I'm such a fan.

DAVID CHOE: You're a fan?

MIA: Yes I am.

DAVID CHOE: Oh, cool.

Me and Harry are going to leave tomorrow on a

hitchhiking trip.

you Do you think anyone's going to pick us up?

Do you think it's a good idea, a bad idea?

MIA: I just think it's going to be tough, because

hitchhiking is not really part of Chinese culture.

Are you just going to do this?

Or are you going to have a little board?

DAVID CHOE: If we make a sign, what should the sign say?

MIA: Say, pick me up, I'm an artist.

DAVID CHOE: Pick me up, I'm an artist?

Other signs we've had in America, we just write, we

have vaginas.

And we toss salads.

And that's the signs we have.

MIA: Wow.

Good luck.

DAVID CHOE: Good luck, OK.

So, Harry's sister lives in China.

And I told him, no hoes on the road.

We got to keep it bros only.

And this fucking guy.

And his sister's the most fucking annoying--

why did you do that?

HARRY KIM: I don't know.

We're in the same city, dude.

I don't know.

DAVID CHOE: Shh.

Here she comes.

Hi, Stephanie.

STEPHANIE: Hey!

HARRY KIM: Hi, Stephanie!

Hey!

DAVID CHOE: Hi, hi.

So.

How's China?

STEPHANIE: It's good.

What the fuck?

You guys going to try and go on a roadtrip without me?

DAVID CHOE: All right.

You really want to come?

STEPHANIE: Yeah, please.

DAVID CHOE: All right, so I have had fun talking to people

in Chinese that don't speak Chinese.

But Stephanie speaks a little Chinese, so she can help us.

This might fuck up the combo we have.

The equation.

All right.

Let's do it.

What else do we need here?

HARRY KIM: Just a suit.

DAVID CHOE: I gotta look sharp.

I'm going hitchhiking.

I gotta look slick.

How's that look?

HARRY KIM: It's sharp.

DAVID CHOE: All right.

We've got cabbage.

We got mad cabbage.

All we need is a ride.

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

DAVID CHOE: Thumbs up!

HARRY KIM: Thumbs up.

DAVID CHOE: Me, Stephanie, and Harry, we just got a ride from

the darkest Chinese man I've ever seen in my life, with the

most beautiful smile.

He just dropped us off in this bombed-out building.

The gallery kicked me out.

I'm in Beijing still.

I think this is a good place to set up camp for tonight and

the get ready to head out.

I wasn't ready for our new addition, but let's see

how it works out.

Let's check out the spot.

HARRY KIM: This looks nice.

DAVID CHOE: Goodnight, America.

Thumbs up.

Thumbs up, China.

I love you, even though you don't speak English.

Engrish.

See you tomorrow.

"Thumbs Up," China.

It's our second day on the road, our third day filming.

So I guess, officially, "Thumbs Up" China, season

three, day three.

Horrible sleep last night.

The smell of petrified shit filling our nose.

We ended up waking up super early.

Beijing's cool, but I'm ready to see the rest of China.

I guess in China you can walk right on to the freeway.

We're trying to get a ride.

I'm pretty tired.

Let's see if she can get something going.

I've never traveled with a female companion.

Harry's always been enough woman for me to get a ride.

Stephanie's working her magic.

We'll see if her female charms work against the gruff Chinese

truck drivers.

In America, the truck drivers almost never pick up because

of insurance reasons.

I don't know if it's the same out here.

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

DAVID CHOE: All right.

There's one more truck right there.

Stephanie's first try, fail.

But don't be mad.

There's another truck.

Let's give it another shot.

There's another truck, too.

I think our chances are going to be good here.

They said nobody picks up hitchhikers, but we'll see

what happens.

Tell him he's very handsome and I want to interview him

while he's driving.

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

DAVID CHOE: Yeah?

All right!

Yes.

A lovely couple, empty bus, our first ride.

Thumbs up, China.

Hey, tell them I'm going to sing a song for them.

STEPHANIE: She can understand you.

[INAUDIBLE]

DAVID CHOE: Oh, you understand?

STEPHANIE: [INAUDIBLE]

DAVID CHOE: What?

It doesn't get [INAUDIBLE]

than this.

America, look.

We just got our first ride.

Look, a completely empty bus.

There's no one in here.

And we got fruits, snacks, and a gold mic.

Stephanie, you want to take a song?

Stephanie failed on her first try.

Her second try popped her cherry.

You got a ride.

Man, fuck everyone that said we're not going to get picked

up in China.

High five, everyone.

Come on.

High five, high five, high five.

High five, come on.

Is she mad that her husband picked us up?

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

DAVID CHOE: She's pretty pissed.

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

DAVID CHOE: Oh, no, no, no, she's not pissed.

I would very much like to find a Chinese wife for

myself or for Harry.

But all the Chinese go so far say they don't like us because

we play around too much.

A Chinese girl?

STEPHANIE: She says how can Chinese people

not like you guys?

DAVID CHOE: That's what I'm saying.

[WEIRD HUMMING]

DAVID CHOE: Whoa, what's going on back here?

Something's happening.

Oh, whoa.

HARRY KIM: [SINGING]

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

HARRY KIM: [SINGING]

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

DAVID CHOE: You'll be rich.

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

HARRY KIM: [SINGING]

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

STEPHANIE: Oh, Badaling.

We're almost at the first stop of the Great Wall of China.

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

STEPHANIE: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

MALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING CHINESE]