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  • -[ Whispering ] Alright, be really -- Alright.

  • Do you want to go get mommy now? -I want to.

  • -Tell her we're shooting the show.

  • Say, "We're shooting the show, Mom."

  • -Mama? -Yeah?

  • -We're taping the show.

  • -Winnie, are you gonna sing? -Yeah.

  • Alright, is Franny gonna hold the cake?

  • -Mm-hmm. -Alright.

  • -♪ Happy birthday to you

  • -Alright, grab the cake. Get the cake.

  • Okay, perfect. Get the cake. -Give it to me.

  • -There you go. Go.

  • -♪ Happy...♪

  • -You guys!

  • What?! -Be careful, be careful.

  • -♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ -What?!

  • In trouble.

  • I love this!

  • -Finish. Sing it. Finish. No, don't --

  • -Oh, wait. We have to do some wishes.

  • Okay. Okay. Going in. -Happy birthday!

  • We love you so much! -Yay! I love you guys.

  • -We love you so much. -Thank you. Mwah!

  • -Happy, happy, happy -- -Thank you.

  • I love you so much. -And I love you, little ones.

  • ♪♪ -♪ We in the house

  • -Come on!

  • -Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests...

  • Arnold Schwarzenegger...

  • Cole Sprouse...

  • musical guest Billy Corgan...

  • and the legendary Roots crew.

  • It's "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • -♪ We in the house, y'all

  • -And now, here's Jimmy.

  • -Hey, everybody.

  • Welcome to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • It's special day here, because it is my wife's birthday!

  • The producer, camera operator, location scouter, editor.

  • Yeah, we love you, honey.

  • And I know you don't like surprises.

  • Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it.

  • You'll get another cake later on, too.

  • But I won't tape that one.

  • I will say, I did -- My dad got you a gift.

  • -Stop it. -Mm-hmm.

  • -[ Gasps ] No!

  • The best gift. No. Stop it.

  • Oh, my God! Graber Olives.

  • -My wife loves these olives. -Best tradition in the world.

  • -Yeah. Right?

  • I guess my mom started doing it, too.

  • -Yep, she did.

  • -Graber Olives is your favorite. Why do you even -- They're good.

  • -Oh, don't! Don't speak. -[ Laughing ] Don't speak.

  • -Unless you love them, no right to opinion.

  • [ Both laugh ]

  • -I do love them.

  • But, anyways, that's from my dad.

  • Happy birthday.

  • And, you know, I have gifts.

  • I have things for you and all that stuff.

  • But I think you got the best gift.

  • -I think I did.

  • -From -- -You can't even talk about it.

  • -I can't even talk about it.

  • I'm so angry. Yeah. Liza is awesome.

  • Yeah, but she knows -- She's a producer.

  • -She makes this show that we love.

  • -Yes, called "The Challenge."

  • We love MTV's "The Challenge." We are the biggest.

  • -Yeah.

  • -And is our favorite -- It has to be Bananas, right?

  • -Yeah. -Without a doubt.

  • -I mean, not even -- -Yeah.

  • -We have others we love. -Yeah.

  • And there's others we do not like.

  • -Yes, there are others we dislike as much as we love --

  • -Some human that we look forward to seeing every single time

  • is Johnny Bananas.

  • I think he is funny. I love him. I've always liked him.

  • And, so, it's something -- But, anyways, you go,

  • "Dude, wait till you see this!

  • This is the best gift." -I could not even teach today.

  • -For homeschooling? No. -Yeah.

  • -Yeah, you were so geeked out.

  • Our friend got Johnny Bananas to do a personal message

  • for Nancy, for her birthday, which is just untoppable.

  • Anyways, here it is.

  • -Alright, this is a very special happy-birthday

  • shout-out going to my girl, Nancy,

  • coming to you from your boy, Bananas.

  • Nancy, may you live, may you love,

  • and may your birthday in quarantine

  • be absolutely bananas.

  • -Thank you, Johnny Bananas! -Whoo-hoo!

  • -Come on! This is a lucky year.

  • -It is bananas. -It's going to be a great year.

  • It's going to be a bananas year.

  • Thank you, Johnny Bananas. Gosh. -Thank you, thank you.

  • -And happy, happy birthday, honey.

  • I love you so much. -I love you.

  • -I couldn't see you from behind the camera, so...

  • Anyway, everybody, here we are. This is Monday.

  • And I want to thank everybody for staying at home

  • and for washing your hands and wearing a mask

  • and doing all the right things.

  • I know some states have been slowly opening, which is great.

  • And I want to say those states, thank you

  • for not rubbing it in to the states

  • that have to still stay home,

  • because we want to do this the right way.

  • And it's baby steps and it's small steps,

  • and for those states that have to stay in lockdown,

  • we're going the get there.

  • And this is -- The hill is already over.

  • We're over the hill. We're coming down.

  • This is like -- This time is just

  • be safe and do it right, get tested.

  • There's lots of testing out there.

  • If you can't get tested, complain to someone.

  • I'm sure there's someone that can do something

  • and get you all tested so we all can move forward.

  • And I think I can see a light

  • at the end of the tunnel here, guys.

  • But thank you, everybody, for doing what you're doing.

  • I know it feels like no one is thanking you, probably.

  • And it's probably 'cause no one really is.

  • But I am saying thank you on behalf of my family --

  • my wife and my kids.

  • Thank you so much for doing what you can to -- I don't know.

  • It's a tough thing. This is rough.

  • But, you know, we're all doing it together, right?

  • In experiencing this stuff.

  • So I like to support whenever I can.

  • Anyway, thank you for doing that.

  • And thank you for supporting me and watching the show.

  • Thank you, NBC, for airing this. YouTube. Who else?

  • -Thank you, thank you, Johnny Bananas.

  • -Johnny Bananas -- thank him again.

  • Graber Olives, we want to thank. -Yeah.

  • -Fudgie the Whale making a cameo.

  • Fudgie the Whale making a cameo, straight out of Carvel.

  • Alright, here we go.

  • Guys, here's some potentially great news.

  • Scientists working on the coronavirus vaccine

  • announced positive results in an early trial.

  • It's exciting.

  • From here, the vaccine will go through the blind auditions,

  • the battle rounds, and then it does well there,

  • it's going to Hollywood!

  • During his briefing yesterday, New York governor Andrew Cuomo

  • got a coronavirus test live on TV

  • to show that it's no big deal.

  • That's right -- they did the nasal swab,

  • and he said it was totally fine.

  • Although, for the rest of the briefing,

  • he did speak with a British accent.

  • [ British accent ] New Yorkers are tough.

  • New Yorkers have to stay together.

  • [ Normal voice ] Today, Governor Cuomo said

  • New York sports teams should plan to reopen without fans.

  • It will be so quiet, the only sounds you'll hear

  • are the crack of the bat, the pop of the glove,

  • and the adjusting of testicles rattling inside a cup.

  • Come on. Come on.

  • This weekend, during an interview with Jeanine Pirro,

  • Eric trump accused Democrats of milking coronavirus lockdowns

  • to win the November election.

  • Jeanine Pirro was like, "Yeah, I totally agree with you.

  • It's definitely a hoax.

  • Which is why we're doing this interview

  • from the basement of our homes."

  • Some TV news.

  • The last two episodes of Michael Jordan's --

  • Oh, gosh. This happens to me all the time.

  • The last two episodes were last Sunday's.

  • I do this all the time. -Mm-hmm.

  • -Do you remember the biggest game in the world? Game 5?

  • It was, like, LeBron.

  • Everyone talked about his best game ever?

  • And I missed it because I watched "Driving Miss Daisy"?

  • -Oh, yeah, that's right.

  • -No one e-mails me. I don't have any sports friends.

  • The world watched it.

  • They said it's the best game they ever seen in their life.

  • They could make an ESPN docu-series of that.

  • I missed that because I go, "You know what?"

  • Oh, maybe you were here or something.

  • You weren't at the apartment. I go, "I got a night to myself.

  • I've never seen 'Driving Miss Daisy.'

  • I heard it's good." It is great, by the way.

  • Fantastic. -It was a great movie.

  • -Yeah. -Mm-hmm.

  • -Was Patti LuPone in there? Make a little cameo in there?

  • Maybe?

  • It was a great movie, though.

  • Dan Aykroyd, props. Anyways, loved the movie.

  • Missed the best game in the history of basketball.

  • Anyway, so, I missed the Jordan thing last night.

  • I watched Spade's movie.

  • But, hey, I got time. I have nothing but time, right?

  • -There's always tonight.

  • -Well, tonight, it's birthday time.

  • Just tomorrow. -So "Dateline" it is.

  • -[ Laughs ] Oh, gosh.

  • I can't watch "Dateline" before I go to bed.

  • Anyways, sorry. TV news.

  • Last two episodes of the Michael Jordan docu-series

  • "The Last Dance" aired last night.

  • That's right.

  • There was a lot of unexpected moments,

  • especially at the end, when Jordan was caught

  • on a live mic in the bathroom confessing to three murders.

  • "I did it."

  • That's a little "Jinx" reference.

  • Little "Jinx" reference. Timely.

  • Our monologue, you know, sometimes is not necessarily

  • the funniest thing you've ever heard,

  • but boy, oh, boy, is it topical.

  • You know?

  • A little "Jinx" reference.

  • In the documentary, Jordan revealed that in his

  • legendary flu game, he actually had food poisoning

  • from eating an entire bad pizza.

  • Yep, the food poisoning was really rough on Jordan.

  • Here he was before the bad pizza.

  • And here he is after.

  • Come on. Papa John!

  • Everyone is talking about this.

  • Over the weekend, Nelly and Ludacris tried to go

  • head-to-head on Instagram Live,

  • but Nelly's Wi-Fi was bad, so he kept cutting out.

  • It was like listening to a Lil Wayne song on Radio Disney.

  • ♪ I'm gonna...you up

  • Then...your...face

  • Wow. That's right -- the Wi-Fi issues

  • were really frustrating for fans.

  • When Nelly got cut off, they were like,

  • "It's getting hot in where?

  • What? It's getting hot where?

  • It's getting hot in..."

  • I saw that Graceland is reopening this week.

  • That's cool.

  • When they heard that, tourists were like,

  • "After sitting on my couch for two months,

  • I want to see where Elvis sat on the couch for three years."

  • I read that some states, like Hawaii,

  • are asking tourists -- I love this.

  • Some states, like Hawaii, are asking tourists

  • to help them handle the coronavirus outbreak

  • by not visiting.

  • That's right -- after years of trying to attract visitors,

  • now they're hoping to keep them away.

  • A few states even unveiled some new tourism slogans.

  • Check it out. First, Colorado.

  • Their slogan is, "You can buy weed everywhere else now, too."

  • Next up, North Carolina.

  • Their new slogan is, "Trust us, South Carolina is way nicer."

  • Then there's South Carolina.

  • Their new slogan is, "No, no, no.

  • North Carolina is by far the best."

  • Then there's New Jersey.

  • Their new slogan is, "Get outta here!"

  • Next is Minnesota.

  • Their slogan is, "It takes 40 hours to drive here

  • no matter where you leave from."

  • That will deter tourists.

  • And, finally, there's Washington, who says,

  • "We're basically Canada's armpit."

  • Well, that will keep tourists away.

  • Well, listen to this.

  • A new study found that Jonah Hill

  • has cursed in movies more than any other film actor.

  • Yeah, at 376 curses, Jonah slightly edged out

  • Samuel L. Jackson and Dame Maggie Smith.

  • Congratulations, Jonah.

  • I read about a new line of nail polish

  • that smells like taco, pizza, and cheese puffs.

  • Meanwhile, Americans are like,

  • "We've been quarantined for over two months.

  • Our fingers already smell like tacos, pizza, and cheese puffs."

  • And, finally, a man in North Carolina just won

  • $10 million on a scratch-off ticket

  • and said once the pandemic is over,

  • he's taking his family on a cruise.

  • When they heard, his family grabbed his ticket

  • and ripped it up.

  • What's wrong with that man?

  • That is our monologue, everybody.

  • Thank you very much.

-[ Whispering ] Alright, be really -- Alright.

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