I'm glad you're here.

-I'm very happy to be here, Jimmy. I love you.

-It's been awhile since I last saw you. How's everything going?

-Things are good.

I mean, I actually just had spinal fusion.

[ Laughter ]

Wow.

You're going to love this. There were a lot of complications.

[ Laughter ]

-Tig, they're not laughing at you.

They're laugh-- [ Laughing ]

Tig, I'm sorry about that.

-My intestines shut down.

-Okay. Ow. -Yeah.

-I'm sorry about that.

-That's okay.

-That's terrible. -As long as I get a laugh.

[ Laughter ]

-No, that's awful. That's awful news.

-I'm doing better. -Good.

-But I was hospitalized for a while with these complications,

and every day that they were adding more time to my stay,

I started to kind of have anxiety and panic attacks,

which I don't normally have in my life.

But I was in so much pain, and it was just being extended.

And they put me on Ativan,

which people take for those kind of attacks.

And of course I was allergic to it.

[ Laughter ]

I started -- Guys.

-I know.

-I started hallucinating,

but I wasn't on my phone much, to say the least.

And then my wife saw me reach for my phone.

And she was like, "Oh, wait. Wait, what are you doing?"

And I said, "Patrick is checking to see how I'm doing."

And she said, "Let me see what you wrote."

And I was like, "Pfft, fine."

I hand her the phone, and she said,

"Yeah, you can't send that."

And what the text said was --

and again, I wasn't trying to be funny.

I was just really responding to him.

I said, "Yeah, Patrick,

things have been getting worse to a towel."

[ Laughter ]

And then in parentheses it said, "I see tractor!"

[ Laughter ]

Exclamation point. And then also, CHB.

And everybody, when I tell them this story, always ask,

"What's CHB?"

-Yeah, what's CHB? -Yeah.

My question is, what is "getting worse to a towel?"

[ Laughter ]

I mean, how does nobody ask that question?

Everyone's like, "Well, yeah,

of course it was getting worse to a towel.

You had spinal fusion."

-What's worse to a towel.

-Yeah, that's when it's bad. -Yeah, I see tractor.

-Yeah, not "a" tractor, 'cause clearly I was in a panic.

It was coming towards me. [ Laughter ]

I didn't have time to write the whole sentence.

[ Laughter ]

-Yeah, you're just reacting -- I see tractor!

-I see tractor. -Tractor, in parentheses.

-I had the wherewithal to put it in parentheses.

And then of course, you know, CHB.

-CHB, what could that be? I have no idea.

-It was nothing, Jimmy. -No.

-I was hallucinating. [ Laughter ]

-Yeah, I got to be honest.

I went up to give you a little high-five earlier

and you didn't -- -I don't give high-fives.

-I didn't -- Did I know that about you?

-Well, it's on national television now.

[ Laughter ]

-Wow, I didn't know.

I thought we've high-five'd before.

-Absolutely not.

-I got excited. I haven't seen you in a while.

We've never high five'd?

-I never experience an emotion that calls for a high-five.

[ Laughter ]

-See, I live constantly in that emotion.

[ Laughter ]

I'm always about that.

-When people go to high-five me, here's what I do.

Go to high-five me.

Question?

[ Laughter ]

And then you say, "Can I high-five you?"

Let's start over. -Alright.

Can I high-five you?

-No, no, no. No.

No, you have to go to -- I said let's start over.

-Okay. -So, go to high-five me.

-Oh.

-Question?

-Can I high-five you?

-No. [ Laughter ]

-You make me do the whole thing?

Why would you be so cruel?

How about a fist bump? Are you a fist bumper?

Ew. [ Laughter ]

What'd you do that for? That was weird.

What would you do that to me for?

What's wrong with you?

-I think all the hand jive stuff is weird.

-Really, you kind of bummed me out a little bit.

[ Laughter ]

Is this on? -Yeah.

-Yeah, this is on, yeah. Of course.

-Is it really? -Yeah, sure.

-If it was turned off, would this show shut down?

[ Laughter ]

-It's kind of a little bit for show business stuff like that.

Old-timey microphone. -Yeah.

-I have used it before.

-I've done other talk shows, and nobody needs one of these.

[ Laughter ]

-That's not true. I mean -- -No, it is true.

[ Laughter ]

-No, it's not. -It is.

[ Laughter ]

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Because if you want to do -- -Hello.

-It's not working. It's not on. It's not on right now.

But they can turn it on.

It's usually good for if you do a wrestling intro or something.

-Are we about to wrestle? [ Laughter ]

-No, but I can give you an intro like --

-I thought you were setting me up to wrestle.

And I don't know if you remember,

but I just had back fusion.

[ Laughter and applause ]

I see tractor!

-No. Do you -- [ Laughter ]

-I see tractor! [ Laughter ]

-No, do you know what my secret move is?

-Finger in the hand hole?

-No. [ Laughter ]

No, it's the crazy head butt.

Also known as the CHB!

[ Laughter and applause ]

Can you hear this microphone?

-CHB! [ Laughter ]