- What are you doing?

- I bought this goose call for today's video,

but it doesn't even work.

(honks)

- Here, let me try.

(honks)

What the? (wings flapping)

Ah!

- Hey you did it!

Now we can show the lovely audience at home

"How 2 Survive a Goose Attack!"

- [Pear] Ah!

- Hold on to your tail feathers, folks,

'cause this goose video's goin' down.

(laughs)

- Ugh.

So Step 1 is to try to prevent the attack

before it even happens.

- Right!

Remember, keep your distance from the goose,

and do not call the goose a duck.

They hate that.

(honks)

And if all else fails,

give the goose another person to bite instead

of you!

(laughs)

- Hey!

Ah!

(honks)

- Wow, Pear, are you okay?

- Of course I'm not okay.

I just got bit by a goose!

And you threw me at it!

- I'm very sorry to hear that, Pear,

but the silver lining is

that this is a great opportunity

for us to explain Step 2.

Take some time to heal emotionally.

- What?

Dude, I want a band-aid.

I don't wanna waste time on--

- Pear, Pear, Pear, Pear, Pear.

You just got bit by a goose.

I mean, how embarrassing is that?

- Well, I guess a little bit.

- So you need to get over this extremely,

extremely, extremely humiliating situation

before we can move on to Step 3.

- Get a band-aid?

- Make sure the goose is ok.

(record scratches) - Seriously?

- Yeah, seriously!

This poor goose has been probably biting stuff all day.

His jaw's probably tired.

(sad honks)

- Oh for crying out loud.

- Well, apparently Mr. Goose is fine.

You're in luck.

(excited honks)

Hey, hey, hey, no, no!

I said "luck!"

I said "luck!"

Oh man, he thought I called him a duck.

- Can we please get to the next step?

I have a goose tooth sticking out

of my rear end, Orange!

- (laughs) Right!

Sorry.

On to Step 4.

Reconsider your life choices.

- [Pear] What?

- Take a moment and ask yourself,

"What did I do to annoy that goose?"

- I didn't do anything!

You threw me!

Move on to Step 5 now!

- Okay, okay!

Step 5.

Clean and dress the wound.

- Now that's more like it.

I can't believe I let you make me wait around

like a total schmuck.

(honks)

Whoa!

- No no no no no.

He said "schmuck."

He said "schmuck."

Not "duck."

(repeated honking)

- Aw, you shouldn't have "duck!"

- Why do I keep saying "duck?"

- Ah! - No!

Ah!

Bite him instead!

Bite Pear!

- Hey, oh!

Ahhhh!

(upbeat music)