[Meemers voice] It's a very special Christmas TL;DR with me, the grumpy Christmas Meems!

You put me in a sweater or I'll kill you, I'll kill all of you!

- Ooh! It is brisk today in Tokyo. - Ooh!

- We are gonna be filming a video today all about... - Christmas in Japan.

I paused because they were like BANG BANG BANG BANG!

Okay, we're trying again, ready?

- I can't do this, girl. - Yes, you can. Okay, ready?

- Gosh golly, it is cold! - Yep.

Ducky, I think today is the day that we should do a video on Christmas in Japan.

It's only right.

Let's tell people what it's all about on the coldest possible day in Tokyo.

We could have filmed this a week ago when it was warm, and 18.

- It was 20 degrees a few days ago! - It was 20 degrees!

But we were like, "Let's wait until almost Christmas to freeze our butts outside".

Let's warm up with some coffee!

Okay!

- Here! - Thanks.

It's for your lap.

Thanks love!

Love youuuuu.

- We even got samples. - Ooooh! - It's filled with Christmas Cheer!

What we got here, girl?

[Martina] It looks like... green slime, and red slime, and Halloween.

This doesn't feel like Christmas at all!

This is feels...sad!

So we're gonna try to warm up now with some Starbucks drinks, which

again, if we just shot last week it'd be really nice weather.

But now we're cold, and hunched over, and the Christmas cheer is lost on us.

[Simon] Well, what I have is a gingerbread latte which a lot of you might know, and you have a green...

sludge latte. What is that? - Okay, so...

Where's the Christmas of that?

Looks like it's got blood seeping down.

[Simon] It looks like a murdered Shrek.

- Okay, hang on. - All right.

Oh my god, it's like, so good.

(sad music)

Merry Christmas to the ground.

Merry Christmas to the GROUND!

Um, this is supposed to be something pistachio related. Like pistachio Merry Christmas.

And it took me a surprisingly long time to figure out why

pistachio would be part of the Christmas theme.

koo-ris-a-mas-u pan-keh-kee

THAT'S NOT CHRISTMAS.

That's just normal pancakes!

And then you drew a face on the whipped cream, that's it, look!

Normal.

Christmas.

Normal.

Chris- what is this atrocity?!

So, what's happening here? Pistachio seems to be the theme this year.

What's with pistachio with Christmas? Is it because it's green?

(gasp)

That's it, green and red.

[Simon] You solved it, Sherlock!

You broke the case, yet again!

I tried to use my pipe, and I'm like "how do you..."

What- what is a- how do you smoke a corncob pipe?

- Because I'm not used to having pistachio for Christmas. - Yeah.

- At all. So when we talk about

Christmas flavors with each other,

what are things that come to mind for you like if you were to describe it to somebody?

You mean what I grew up with, or what I saw in the media that I thought I was supposed to have?

Because you're supposed to have gingerbread, you're supposed to have like warm cinnamon, and apples,

and mulled wines, and I had none of that sh*t growing up.

But I saw it in movies, and I thought that's what people are supposed to have for Christmas.

Okay, so... uh...

I thought that was like regular...

This is the Ghost of Bitter Christmas Past!

No, you know, my flavors of Christmas were like turkey, and mashed potatoes, and cranberry.

- Yeah, same with me. - It's just like Easter.

- Yeah. - The only difference is that my dad would buy

Oh Henry bars from the Bulk Barn,

and he would hide them in the garage...

Yes.

Up until like Christmas Eve, because he knew that if they were in the house beforehand that I'd eat them sh*ts,

and then he'd bring them into the house.

Frozen solid! Like you were chewing on chocolate bones.

- Volume needs to go way down here, has some excitment. - That's my Christmas memory.

- It's still soundin' like the Ghost of Christmas Past. - I love it.

I still asked my parents if they could mail me some, because I missed that Christmas flavor.

Okay, so... that got really specific.

- Yes. Christmas flavors... - Most people...

I mean, I really have no relation for you except for turkey, and cranberry sauce, and gravy.

Eggnog, which our family never drank. Hot apple cider, which our family also didn't drink.

It was only until I started like, working at Starbucks that I tried eggnog.

That's what I thought like, white America ate for Christmas.

'Cause I didn't know anybody that had that flavor for Christmas,

none of my friends even had it. - Oh, right. Right.

'Cause you didn't even grow up in a neighborhood that's...

That's what you saw in like, a Chevy Chase movie for Christmas, you know?

Is this one of those things where none of us actually eat that?

Has any of us done this? - Has any of us even had...?

Wow this doesn't taste like Christmas at all, what is this crap?

Oh no!

The point that we're trying to get at is that there are distinctive flavors that we think of, like cranberry,

cinnamons, nutmegs,

orange, vanilla, cookie - sugar cookies. But those

[Simon] But those

flavor associations aren't really that big

culturally for Christmas in Japan.

Right, because Christmas in Japan doesn't have a long history

because it's not a Christian culture.

And I just don't think they watched Chevy Chase movies like I did. -That's it.

I mean, if you grew up watching Chevy Chase, you'd know. - That's it. Right?

And that's not to say that there aren't Japanese Christmas traditions.

This is the one that's the most interesting to every foreigner that first arrives in Japan.

[Martina] It's the Christmas KFC special.

So basically what happened was KFC had some dope marketing strategies, apparently, in the 1970s.

They started campaigning that Christmas and KFC go together.

I mean, it makes sense, we usually do turkey, right?

Apparently it caught on,

and now everybody even preorders their KFC Christmas specials months in advance.

And I even asked my friends, I'm like,

oh, it must be like a special KFC Christmas recipe.

Nah!

It's just KFC chicken. There's no difference, the only difference is it's a Christmas combo,

so it comes with like a cake, or it comes with like a special thing for Christmas.

That's it! Well done, KFC.

My hats are off to you.

"Martina, you should go inside!" What's that you? You want me to go inside and try some KFC?

Nah, sorry, I ate.

I've had so much better chicken after living in Korea. You live in Korea and you're like,

What is this, KF C? And you like, smack it off the table.

So, I can't really go back.

Once you go Korean fried chicken,

that's it for life.

(fancy music)

(upbeat music)

(Christmas rock music)

Oh, um. These are face masks, and it has nothing to do with the video.

We are just so cold that

we came in here to stall, so... ooh. - Ooh.

Oh, here! This is amazing. This is what I was looking for.

Oh, it's a foam liner that sticks into your face mask so that your glasses don't steam up.

Because I wore my mask here, because I'm still sick, and I took it off for the video for you guys. But I've just been...

infecting the city!

[Simon] Category is "Grocery Store Realness".

Oh no...

Did she just go out in public like that?

With the... what?

-I'm sick. -Yes, you are.

(Martina fake cough-crying)

[Simon] What the *bleep* is she wearing?

Out in public.

- [Simon] Who's ready for a shitty Christmas? - Oh, yeah.

The only thing that's tackier than my jacket is this!

[Simon] Gachapin Mukku!

Well, we're getting it, sir!

Excuse me!

Look, I'm done with all this filming outside nonsense. I'm old, and I'm cold

I'm trying to convey information to you, but I'm not National Geographic.

We're gonna do the rest of us indoors, think of the penguin - (gasp)

Oh, killer whales. - No.

David Attenborough. - No.

Christmas cakes.

Christmas cakes are a thing in Japan.

Order them, you can either go to a grocery store and fill out a flyer you get

yourself a Christmas cake, or you can get it at convenience stores as well.

You can get them even at like little bakeries you

preorder your cake. There's not a distinct flavor,

uh, that you have for the Christmas cake. You could just be like,

Oh, I'm gonna get *a* Christmas cake. Kind of like a birthday cake, there are many different kinds of birthday cakes.

[Martina] Oh, that's a really good way to say it. It's more about having the cake than it being a flavor.

[Simon] It's the cake that's the really big deal of it.

[Simon] What is the point of these tiny ass forks?

Do I look like I want to nibble my cake, or do I want to shove it down my throat as fast as I can?

This is not the right utensil for the job.

I really like your choice of sweater, matches mine very nice.

Why are you eating my cake? - [Martina] The reason I came here to eat your cake

was to actually say that I heard strawberry and cream cake is a traditional Christmas flavor in Japan.

[Simon] Hmm.

[Martina] It's not like it is "the flavor". People get lots of different kinds of cakes,

but from what I heard was, "Oh, growing up as a kid my mom always got

like, this strawberry and cream Christmas cake"

Also what we're doing this video is kind of Japanese tradition for Christmas,

because it's less considered a family holiday, as much as it's considered a dating holiday

So for today's video Martina and I went on a date. - Check.

We had matching sweaters. - Check.

We went and had some cake together. - Check.

And we had some desserts and treats. - Check. Got food.

We took pictures of each other. -Check.

And now we're gonna go home...

(sexy music)

- [Martina] And edit this video! - And edit this video.

- [Martina] Just like dating holiday tradition! - Just like... just like going on a date!

Ahh, Christmas lingerie: the first thing that pops to mind when I think of warm Christmas cheer.

Putting on tiny skimpy lacy underpants. Mmm, perfect for this time of year.

Hmm, just like how delicious my hair is.

omnomnomnom

But for real, there is a lot of stuff

involving dating happening during Christmas time in Japan because

Christmas is actually more considered to be a dating holiday.

That really shook me when I first heard it, because to me

Christmas is very much like

family oriented. Even if you wanted to hang out with your girlfriend, or boyfriend

Your parents would be like "that's not happening" you might exchange gifts at

some point, but it was really, generally a Christmas holiday.

Here, it doesn't have the same associations, probably because...

no one's really Christian here.

I mean, there is Christianity but it's not like the number one hype choice.

There's like Shintoism, and Buddhism

Yeah so pretty much the way that I think of Christmas in Japan is it's a dating holiday.

It's the kind of thing where people go clubbing, and wear like,

Santa-type cute clothing, and meet other people.

And a lot of the hotels are apparently super booked on Christmas Eve, so it's a lot

more of like a Valentine's Day in Japan than it is so much a family oriented family holiday.

Did I say family twice? - You did.

Ugh.

[Meemers voice] I am the Meems of October Past!

That's gonna be Kichijoji's Christmas tree. It's October 16th.

You need to chill with your proactive decoration, Kichijoji.

It's not even Halloween, that's blasphemy.

I should climb that and pull that down!

That's offensive to my culture.

[Martina] I think that my fat, candy-eating culture

wants to say that I remember last year, like Christmas trees covered in pumpkins - - Yeah.

And I was like, "What the heck?" And then it became a Christmas Tree.

Mm-mm, not today! - They're trying to double up. You can't make a Christmas pumpkin!

[Martina] I've been trying to figure out why I've been recording my finger for the past 20 minutes.