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  • (whirring)

  • (screaming)

  • (folk music)

  • - Wow, look at that sky, it is beautiful.

  • Hey, check it out Orange, there's Cassiopeia.

  • - Hey, hey Onion.

  • - What?

  • No, no it's name--

  • - Look Pear, it's Onion!

  • Hey, hey Onion hey.

  • - Dude, that's not an onion.

  • - Wow, Onion's the biggest star that I've ever seen.

  • - Dude, it's not an onion.

  • It's, what the?

  • (bangs)

  • - Whoa, what's that one called?

  • (mystical whirring)

  • - Wait a second Orange, that's not a star.

  • - Ooh, a light show.

  • (whirring)

  • - Oh, my God.

  • (screaming)

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Whoa, what the?

  • - Where are we?

  • - [Broccoli] Ah, the specimens are conscious.

  • - What was that?

  • - It's Broccoli.

  • (whooshes)

  • - Welcome to space, Earthlings.

  • - Space?

  • Hey, hey Broccoli.

  • - Quiet.

  • - Jeez, I don't like this guys altitude.

  • (laughs)

  • - Silence, the leader approaches.

  • - The Bieber?

  • (gasps) Is Justin Bieber here?

  • Yay!

  • - What?

  • No, I said leader.

  • - Take me to your Bieber.

  • (laughs)

  • (whirring)

  • (laughing)

  • - All right, minions, show me the money!

  • (laughing)

  • What do you have for me?

  • - Hey, you must be the Bieber.

  • Sing "Baby", sing it.

  • Do it now.

  • - Hold on there a second, my little fruit basket.

  • - Hey, look Pear, I've got the Bieber fever.

  • (laughs)

  • - Quiet!

  • You know Orange, you're acting glib right now.

  • - Hey, sorry about that.

  • Orange gets a little excited sometimes.

  • I think what he's trying to ask is why are we here?

  • - Why are you here?

  • You want the truth?

  • - Yeah.

  • - You can't handle the truth!

  • The truth of the matter is,

  • you're about to get the ride of your life.

  • (Broccoli laughs)

  • (Orange laughs)

  • (Broccoli laughs)

  • (Orange laughs)

  • (Broccoli and Orange laughing)

  • Silence!

  • Bring in the Vivisector 9000.

  • (mechanical whirring)

  • - Whoa, it's a giant BeDazzler.

  • - No, it's not a BeDazzler.

  • - Ooh, bedazzle my jacket!

  • Bedazzle my jacket!

  • - What the?

  • - It needs more rhinestones.

  • (laughs)

  • - No, this machine is for dissecting.

  • You see Orange, we are traveling across the universe

  • studying the most intelligent lifeforms we can find.

  • - Um, I think you might have the wrong guy.

  • - Yeah, Pear's not the brightest guy in the world.

  • (Pear groans)

  • - Silence!

  • It's time to see what you two are really made of.

  • Vivisector 9000, target the intelligent life

  • and fire at will.

  • (laughs)

  • - Hey, Pear, look what I can do.

  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.

  • You try.

  • Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

  • (beeps)

  • (whirring)

  • Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

  • - Oh, crap.

  • (exploding)

  • - Whoa, I didn't know the ship had cruise control.

  • (laughs)

  • - The leader is no more.

  • - No more?

  • - No more.

  • Long live our new leader!

  • - Yay!

  • - Yay, I'm the new Bieber!

  • - What is your first command, new leader?

  • - Hmm, ooh, I know what we can do.

  • - Oh boy, here we go.

  • (folk music)

  • - [Orange] Yay, now I'm a big star too.

  • (laughs)

  • - [Pear] Dude, that's not a star.

  • - Shut up, Pear.

  • I think I almost got it!

  • - What's going on?

  • - Orange is tryin' to learn how to whistle.

  • I'm rooting against him.

  • - As am I.

  • Can you imagine how he'll terrorize

  • the kitchen if he figures it out?

  • - One more try!

  • (groans)

  • Wow, that was weird.

  • Is that what whistling's supposed to sound like?

  • (groaning)

  • Oh, it was corn.

  • For a second, I couldn't believe my ears!

  • (laughs)

  • Get it?

  • Corn, ears!

  • - Yes, yes, we're all laughing super hard about it, Orange!

  • - It's a joke!

  • (laughs)

  • - More importantly, why are you glowing green, dude?

  • - Look, I know this is gonna sound crazy.

  • - Did somebody say, "I know this is gonna sound crazy."

  • - Oh great, you summoned Lou.

  • - Go on, someone was about

  • to say something was supposedly crazy.

  • I was trying to do air quotes there,

  • but I don't have fingers.

  • Imagine I did though, to emphasize

  • my disdain for the word crazy.

  • Now please, go on.

  • - Well, there are weird patterns

  • and knocked down corn stalks out in the field.

  • Me and my friends, well, we kind

  • of think they might be crop circles.

  • - Oh like, say from aliens?

  • - Whoa, did someone say aliens?

  • - Great, and now we've summoned Crackpot.

  • - Whoa, what's up Lou?

  • How you been, man?

  • I haven't seen you since the convention

  • about how the moon is like a hoax.

  • - I think you mean the moon landing.

  • - Um no, I mean the moon.

  • Think about it sheeple,

  • how does it stay up in the air like that?

  • Wires, that's how!

  • The same wires the government uses

  • to tap our phones, and our toilets.

  • - Oh good Lord, I don't know if I can handle two of 'em.

  • - What was that?

  • You can't handle double-dose of the truth?

  • Well, I feel sorry for you, pal,

  • 'cause you ain't nothin' but a sheep.

  • - Baa for me sheep, baa.

  • - Baa.

  • - Baa.

  • - Orange why are you baaing?

  • - I don't know, seemed fun.

  • - I think I'll go do, literally anything else,

  • than have a conversation with these two nutsos.

  • - That's it, go on, run away from the truth.

  • Secret societies control the world!

  • - Come on, fruits!

  • This effects all of us!

  • Chewbacca's still very much alive!

  • - All I want is for somebody to love me!

  • - What?

  • - Hmm?

  • - But, you just said--

  • - No, I didn't.

  • So, tell me more about these crop circles.

  • Let's see photos.

  • (humming)

  • - Notice the concentric circles here on the edge.

  • You thinking what I'm thinking?

  • - Sure am.

  • These aliens are definitely from the Sculptor Galaxy.

  • - What do you think corn?

  • Is there even a kernel of truth to their theories?

  • (laughs)

  • - Hey, guys.

  • What's all the yelling about?

  • - Wait, why do you reek of corn?

  • - Hey, we don't reek, jerk!

  • - Oh man, this is gonna sound crazy, but.

  • - Go on.

  • - Well, I got lost in a cornfield

  • in my monster truck last night.

  • Ah man, it took me like a full night

  • of driving in circles to find my way out.

  • - Well, this is certainly devastating to our theory.

  • - It disproves nothing!

  • Look how he's glowing green, for instance.

  • - Oh, am I?

  • Oh shoot, well that's part of the reason

  • it took me so long to get out.

  • My truck sprung a huge antifreeze leak.

  • - Antifreeze?

  • That's what the goo puddle was?

  • Aw snap, I got some of that in my mouth (gags).

  • - This disproves nothing!

  • Little Apple, surely you saw something

  • strange-looking out there, right?

  • - Yep, sure did!

  • I think I saw your mom!

  • (laughing)

  • - Aw man, I wish I could high-five you so bad right now!

  • - Come on, Lou, let's leave these deniers to their denial.

  • - Um, guys, don't look now, but flying saucer!

  • - Har-har, make the crazy guys look up

  • because they're so gullible.

  • I was attempting to do air quotes on crazy again, just FYI.

  • - No, really, flying saucer!

  • (yells)

  • - Well, I'll be dipped in chocolate sauce,

  • it's nice to be short sometimes.

  • (groaning)

  • - Um, guys?

  • My head hurts.

  • (cracking)

  • It kinda feels like I (groaning).

  • (yelling)

  • - Guys?

  • Maybe we should split.

  • (laughs)

  • - Yeah, good call.

  • - Does no one care that I drank

  • copious amounts of antifreeze?

  • (puking)

  • - Wow!

  • Now, that's a lot of barf!

  • (whistles)

  • Hey, I did it!

  • I figured out how to whistle!

  • (whistling) - No!

  • (whooshing)

  • (whirring)

  • - Star Log 1123, I'm approaching the planets surface now.

  • No signs of life.

  • - Blah, blah, blah, nah, nah, nah.

  • - Well, no signs of intelligent life.

  • (buzzing)

  • (gagging)

  • - I think I ate a fly!

  • - Just incredible.

  • Greetings, Earthling.

  • I am Astronaut Ice Cream.

  • - Whoa, cool helmet!

  • Can I wear it?

  • - No, no you cannot.

  • It's the only thing keeping me alive

  • from Earth's toxic atmosphere.

  • - Yeah, I see your point.

  • It can be pretty toxic sometimes.

  • (farts)

  • (laughs)

  • - Well, tell me, are there any other,

  • perhaps, smarter Earthlings around,

  • that I might be able to speak with?

  • - Nope, I'm basically the smartest fruit

  • in the whole kitchen!

  • - (sighs) Yep, I was afraid of that.

  • - Go ahead, ask me any question at all!

  • - All right, you're on.

  • What is the mass of Jupiter?

  • - I've written the mass of Jupiter under there.

  • - Under where?

  • (laughs)

  • (grunts)

  • I will say this, of all the planets I visited

  • in this galaxy, this is certainly the most annoying.

  • - Oh, what other planets have you visited?

  • - Well, I've visited Venus, Mercury--

  • - Have you visited Uranus?

  • (laughs)

  • - Yes, I've also visited a number of planets outside

  • your solar system, including my own planet.

  • - What'd you do on Uranus?

  • Did you sit on Uranus?

  • - So what if I did?

  • (laughs)

  • - Uranus.

  • - I can see we're gettin' nowhere here.

  • Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a mission to complete.

  • - Yeah, totally understandable.

  • It's Uranus on the line if you don't.

  • (laughs)

  • (groans)

  • (breathes out)

  • - Okay, keep it together.

  • I hereby claim this incredibly stupid,

  • primitive planet in the name of Planet Dessert!

  • - What's that supposed to be?

  • - This, it's just the flag of my planet, Planet Dessert.

  • We're conquering you.

  • Do you have a problem with that?

  • - Well, it's just, it's a weird looking flag.

  • - Oh, our flag's weird!

  • Well, you know what?

  • Maybe your flag is the one that's weird, huh?

  • Do you ever think of that?

  • - Okay, but--

  • - But, what?

  • Our planet is literally made of ice cream.

  • So, my apologies if it's not normal looking to you.

  • But you'd better get used to the culture

  • being imported from Planet--

  • - Dessert?

  • - Yes, from Planet Dessert.

  • - No, dessert!

  • - What the?

  • Hey!

  • That's not a real sundae, you dope!

  • Jeez!

  • Just when you think Earthlings couldn't be any dumber,

  • they go and confuse a sundae flag with the real thing.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • (clinks)

  • (Astronaut Ice Cream yells)

  • (Orange yells)

  • Hold up, stop the phone.

  • What are you screamin' about?

  • - I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

  • (laughs)

  • - This is no laughing matter.

  • The atmospheric pressure on my home planet

  • is 1,000 times that of Earth.

  • If this visor were to break all the way through,

  • I would get sucked out and vaporized immediately.

  • - Wow, so your mission is dairy, dairy dangerous.

  • (laughs)

  • - Yes, extremely dangerous.

  • Now, I must get back to my ship before my helmet gives way.

  • Have you seen my--

  • - Saucer?

  • - Yes, my flying saucer.

  • - No, saucer!

  • - Huh?

  • (dramatic music)

  • (yelling)

  • (gurgling)

  • - Whoa, that ice cream sure took some licks.

  • (laughs)

  • Sorry, too spoon?

  • (laughs)

  • (whirs)

  • My name's Orange.

  • - And my name's Pear.

  • - Which is a huge coincidence

  • 'cause I just so happen to be an orange and he's a pear.

  • (laughs)

  • - Yeah, har-har.

  • Welcome back everyone, to another episode of "How 2."

  • - This week we've got an Orange approved question

  • from Pink Master who wants to know,

  • "How 2 Survive an Alien Invasion."

  • - Yeah, not sure how we're supposed to do this episode

  • considering aliens haven't been discovered yet.

  • - Hoo-honkey, they haven't been discovered.

  • Step aside, Pear, I got oodles of experience with aliens.

  • - You do?

  • - Sure, I've been abducted at least 10 times.

  • Aliens aren't alien to me.

  • (laughs)

  • - Wow, that actually explains a lot.

  • - So, the most important thing to remember,

  • is if you see an alien, don't freak out.

  • At least not right away, anyway.

  • (laughs)

  • (groans)

  • Step one, before you freak out, see if they're friendly.

  • Lots of aliens are friendly.

  • They might just wanna poke you a bit,

  • or get some cotton swabs of your saliva,

  • or look at you with their mirrored eyes.

  • You know, the usual stuff.

  • - I most certainly do not know.

  • - All right, I keep forgetting

  • you're completely ignorant about aliens.

  • The friendly ones are usually

  • just here for scientific research.

  • All you gotta do is lay back, relax,

  • and let 'em shoot lasers at ya.

  • (clanks)

  • - Wait, wait, lasers?

  • - Oh yeah, lot of lasers.

  • - And, these are the friendly ones?

  • - Mhm, but they're not all friendly, believe you me.

  • - Um, so what do you do if they're not friendly?

  • - Step two, if they're not friendly,

  • fight back with everything you've got.

  • I'm talkin' karate chops, TNT, kicks, punches,

  • TNT, spitting seeds, TNT, and finally TNT.

  • Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya.

  • - That seems like a disproportionate amount of TNT.

  • - Nah, it doesn't matter anyways 'cause they got lasers,

  • and the unfriendly ones have really big lasers.

  • - Ah, whoa.

  • So, what are you supposed to (yells) do

  • if they have massive lasers (yells)

  • that can completely destroy us all?

  • (yells)

  • (explodes)

  • - Step three, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

  • I recommend a good costume.

  • Be sure to spring for the mirrored eye,

  • and the more tentacles the better.

  • Oh man, these guys are always fallin'

  • for the fake tentacles.

  • (laughs)

  • - Okay, I got the tentacles.

  • - Oh, and dunking yourself in onion juice is good too

  • 'cause they kinda smell like that.

  • (grunts)

  • - I got it, so am I safe now?

  • Are the aliens gonna kill me?

  • - One last step, you just have

  • to read this piece of paper out loud.

  • - Orange totally got me.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Totally got you, Pear!

  • - What the?

  • - I can't believe you fell for it!

  • - Yay, it was all a prank!

  • I love pranks!

  • (laughs)

  • - Are you serious, right now?

  • (laughing)

  • - Silly, Pear, aliens aren't real.

  • - So this was all fake?

  • The spaceships, the aliens, the lasers?

  • - Yeah!

  • - Well, almost.

  • The lasers were real.

  • We're gonna have to return these babies hot!

  • - (yells) Look out!

  • The laser beam is bouncing off the mirrored eyes!

  • (yelling)

  • (upbeat music)

(whirring)

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