Comedian and podcast host and I want to talk about the icon,

Queen Victoria.

Born in Kensington Palace in 1819, her father died when she was a baby

leaving Victoria to a lonely childhood,

where she was groomed for the throne.

In 1837, aged just 18, she became Queen.

She married her cousin, Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha in 1840.

Victoria fell in love with Albert, his Christmas trees

and his unusual... [CLEARS THROAT]

...down below jewellery.

Albert died of typhoid fever in 1861, but not before Victoria had

squeezed out nine children.

But guess what? Turns out she was an awful mother.

She was disgusted by babies and she resented them keeping her away

from her beloved Albert. All she wanted to do was spend time with him.

She said this...

That's from one of Victoria's letters - so not a fan.

And when her daughter Alice got married

it was, according to one of her letters...

She didn't want Beatrice to marry either and when Beatrice got engaged,

Victoria used notes to communicate with her at mealtimes.

Wow, Victoria using notes instead of talking to her - that's cold.

Now I feel guilty 'cause I only ever drop my mum a text.

But here's a positive you maybe weren't expecting.

Victoria's diaries reveal she unashamedly loved sex.

She wrote...

But is it so shocking?

Everyone loves sex, maybe we're just shocked because it's coming from

the woman we remember as the grumpy old monarch in her mourning clothes.

Maybe we're just shocked because it's coming from a woman.

For all her ramped up sexiness though, there's a rumour that

Victoria wouldn't pass laws on lesbianism

because she didn't believe it existed.

Fun and games aside, there's one dodgy fact you cannot dodge,

when you're talking about Queen Victoria.

She was the figurehead of the British Empire.

While Victoria was Queen, 1,000,000 people died unnecessarily

in the Irish Potato Famine.

Africa was carved up by Europeans, scrambling to take advantage

of the continent's natural resources.

There were concentration camps in the Boer War.

Men, women and children died in the 1857 Indian Rebellion.

Perhaps worst of all, millions of Indian people died in famines

while she was empress.

A couple of points in Victoria's defence here and I promise I'm not

just pathetically grovelling for a knighthood.

First of all, how involved could Victoria have been

in The Colonies in real terms?

She only had updates every couple of weeks

and she was surrounded by advisors who did the nuts and bolts

business of administering the Empire.

Something else, she once made a personal donation of £2,000

to those starving during the Irish Potato Famine.

So that would suggest she wasn't entirely comfortable with what

her Empire was doing.

And remember, she also condemned atrocities on both sides

during the Indian Rebellion.

And add to that, she was firm in her belief that there should be

religious freedom in India.

So can she be held responsible? You decide.

Anyway, there's some facts, do what you will.

She was an emotionally repressed nookie addict who was also

the figurehead of the British Empire.

I'm off for a piercing.

Thanks for watching.

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