I started this back in November

我在11月開始做這個

And I did roughly two to three sessions per month because my tattoo artist is pretty popular and busy

我每個月大概做兩到三個療程，因為我的紋身師很受歡迎，也很忙。

And end of March I was finally able to finish it so now I could share the meaning of it with you

三月底，我終於能夠完成它，所以現在我可以與你分享它的意義。

It's not so much a collection of different pieces as

與其說它是不同作品的集合，不如說它是...

Much as it's a story that I want to keep with me and never forget. Now just before warn before

就像我想把這個故事留在我身邊，永遠不會忘記一樣。現在就在警告之前

Continuing with this movie. This is not going to be a super-fun video

繼續說說這部電影。這不會是一個超級有趣的視頻。

I'm going to be dipping into some of the darker parts of my past so if you're not in a great place right now

我將涉足我過去的一些黑暗部分 所以如果你現在不在一個偉大的地方。

I wouldn't recommend watching it

我不建議看

There is a happy ending to it in the end, but the journey there was a little bit painful, so just be forewarned

最後還是有一個大團圓的結局，但是這一路走來，還是有點痛苦的，所以還是先聲明一下吧。

Here we go. So let's start with my first tattoo that I got when I was 18 it's on this arm right here

我們開始吧所以，讓我們開始與我的第一個紋身 我得到了當我18歲 它在這個手臂上就在這裡。

It's of space and it's suns and moons and planets

它是空間的，它的太陽，月亮和行星。

And meteors and life and color and vibrancy. And I find that a lot of the space tattoos that I've seen on other people are

還有流星、生命、色彩和活力。我發現很多我在別人身上看到的空間紋身 And I find that a lot of the space tattoos that I've seen on other people are

very bright and optimistic. You see space as teeming with

非常明亮和樂觀。你認為空間充滿了

opportunity and full of life and wonder and awe.

機會和充滿生命力的奇蹟和敬畏。

But space isn't really like that. Space is

但空間其實不是這樣的。空間是

mostly space.

主要是空間。

It's empty, and boundless, and bare and inhospitable and

它是空的，無邊無際的，光禿禿的，荒涼的，也是。

really dark and cold and shitty. And that's where this tattoo starts.

真正的黑暗和寒冷和低劣的。這就是這個紋身的開始。

I went through a really rough period of my life in university it was really rough.

我在大學裡經歷了一段非常艱難的生活它真的很粗糙。

I was once very hopeful. I was inspired

我曾經很有希望。我受到鼓舞

I was teeming with optimism at what the world and what the universe had out there for me.

我對這個世界和宇宙為我準備的東西充滿了樂觀。

But I couldn't find anything. I couldn't find a purpose I was

但我找不到任何東西。我找不到我的目標

profoundly

深刻

and

和

disturbingly

令人不安的

alone and introverted.

孤獨而內向。

I didn't have a single friend or

我沒有一個朋友或

anybody I could really talk to about anything. But I I saw it all around me

任何人，我真的可以談任何事情。但我... ...我看到了我周圍的一切

I saw people talking to each other going out with each other. Groups of people.

我看到人們互相交談，互相交往。一群人。

But I wasn't part of any of that and I was

但我不是其中的一員，我是...

abysmally depressed and I could look out there, and I could see glimmers of hope and possibility

極度沮喪，我可以看到那裡， 我可以看到希望和可能性的曙光

but all of its was out of my reach and what I was left with was bleak.

但其所有的一切都讓我望塵莫及，留給我的是淒涼。

I didn't have anyone I could talk to so I would spend my midnights, almost every midnight,

我沒有可以傾訴的人，所以我會度過我的午夜，幾乎每個午夜。

just talking to the sky and

仰天長嘯

memorizing poetry. I would memorize Shelley and Wordsworth and Milton and

背誦詩歌。我會背雪萊、華茲華斯、彌爾頓，還有。

Shakespeare. And I would try to find words I could better understand myself or the the human spirit or

莎士比亞我會嘗試著去尋找能更好地理解我自己的文字 或者是人類的精神或者是：

understand something that could make me feel better about why I'm

明白了一些事情，可以讓我感覺更好的為什麼我是。

here, and why I'm so alone.

在這裡，為什麼我是如此孤獨。

But I

但我...

couldn't really find any answers. And on my talks with the sky,

實在找不到任何答案。而在我與天空的會談中。

I would just look at the stars, and I would feel so much more alone and so much more empty. And

我只是看著星星，就會覺得自己多了很多孤獨，多了很多空虛。而

that's where this tattoo

紋在這裡

begins. I

開始。I

Remember the very last talk I had with the sky, and I remember telling it that were through.

記得我和天空最後一次談話，我記得告訴它，都是通過。

However this universe was made I

無論這個宇宙是如何形成的，我

didn't find a purpose in it. I didn't find any joy in it.

沒有找到一個目的。我在其中沒有找到任何樂趣。

I only found myself being very unhappy in it. So I

我只發現自己在裡面很不開心。所以我

decided that I wanted out and I made up my mind that night

我決定要退出，當晚就下定了決心

to make a decision that can't be unmade.

以做出不能不做的決定。

Told you this was going to be a shitty video. So that night that I had my last conversation with the sky

告訴你這將是一個低劣的視頻。所以，那天晚上，我有我的最後一次談話與天空。

was a very big change in my life because

是我生命中一個非常大的變化，因為

I'm not sure if somebody heard it

不知道有沒有人聽到

but something happened. And this is where things are gonna get slightly more nerdy for a bit.

但發生了一些事情。這就是事情會變得稍微有點書呆子的地方。

Simulation theory is

仿真理論是

Something that I engage with. If you're as old as I am think about how much

我參與的事情。如果你和我一樣老，想一想有多少人

videogames have changed in our lives. I went from

電子遊戲改變了我們的生活。我從

pac-man

太空人

To Skyrim. Computers have grown so much

到天際。計算機已經成長了很多

stronger over the past couple of decades and programming has followed suit. How much longer will it be until a computer is strong enough to

在過去的幾十年裡，計算機的性能越來越強，而編程也緊隨其後。還要多久，計算機才會強大到足以

simulate human consciousness. Maybe even simulate a universe and once it happens,

模擬人類的意識。甚至可能模擬一個宇宙，一旦發生。

how will anybody within the simulation be able to tell if it's a simulation or not. So that talk that I had with the sky,

仿真內的人怎麼會知道這是不是一個仿真。所以，我和天空的那次談話。

somebody listened. Whoever was play the game knew that I was about to stop playing the game altogether and

有人聽了。不管是誰在玩遊戲，都知道我快要停止玩遊戲了。

so they added a line of code. And that's this line of code right here. It's binary.

所以他們加了一行代碼就是這一行代碼。是二進制的

If you know a little bit about computer languages then binary is just about as basic as it gets.

如果你對計算機語言有一點了解，那麼二進制就是最基本的了。

It's just zeros and ones; zero represents off

這只是0和1，0代表的是關。

one represents on. And I felt that my life was all zeros.

一個代表上。而我覺得我的生活都是零。

I felt that I was all off.

我覺得我都不在了。

But this line right here.

但這條線就在這裡。

Changed the program of my life. And if you can't read binary, I'm gonna read it for you.

改變了我的生活程序如果你不懂二進制，我就給你讀。

It's M-A

是M-A

R-T-I-N-A

R-T-I-N-A

Martina became a big part of my life as soon as I had that talk with the sky.

瑪蒂娜成為我生命中重要的一部分，只要我和天空有了那次談話。

It's a great line of code might I add. Possibly the best line of code ever.

我想說的是，這是一行很棒的代碼。可能是有史以來最好的一行代碼。

I married that line of code,

我娶了那行代碼。

and I'll stay with that line of code as

我就用這行代碼作為

long as I possibly can because it rocks. On this part of my tattoo, I have a lot of waves.

只要我可能，因為它的岩石。在我紋身的這部分，我有很多波浪。

Tidal waves.

浪潮。

I haven't really told a lot of people this but every month or two months is so I have this recurring dream of

我並沒有跟很多人說過，但每個月或兩個月都會有這樣的夢，我經常夢見

tidal waves that I'm running away from as it destroys and wipes away

我正在逃避的潮汐，因為它摧毀和抹去了。

everything in my life.

我生命中的一切。

My neighborhood and my house and everything like that. And this is where the tattoo makes a very big change.

我的鄰居和我的房子以及類似的一切。而這就是紋身帶來的非常大的改變。

Martina and I have nicknames for each other. We call each other duckies so here we are, two duckies.

瑪蒂娜和我有彼此的暱稱。我們互相叫對方小鴨子，所以我們在這裡，兩個小鴨子。

She's the pretty one with all the color, and she's holding the umbrella above me, protecting me from all the shit

她是那個漂亮的，有著各種顏色的人，她在我頭上撐著傘，保護著我，不讓我受到傷害。

that's above it.

那是在它上面。

And we're floating calmly on very still waters together.

我們一起平靜地漂浮在很靜的水面上。

Oh, if that last part of the video was difficult to talk about so is this.

哦，如果說視頻的最後一部分很難說，那麼這個也是。

Okay, I don't know if you could see it as much as I can. You, you definitely can't see it as much as I can

好吧，我不知道你能不能像我一樣看到。你，你肯定不能看到它像我一樣可以

but Martina has

但瑪蒂娜已經

just the most beautiful soul in her that I've

只是最美麗的靈魂在她身上，我已經

ever come across.

遇到過的。

She's dealing with so much pain, more pain than

她要面對的是如此之多的痛苦，比起...

anyone I've ever met and she's still so vibrant and

我所見過的任何一個人，她仍然是如此充滿活力和。

so

所以

inspiring and it's

鼓舞人心，而且

because of her that I have color in my life.

因為她，我的生活才有了色彩。

It's

這是...

her color that

她的顏色

grows out of her and grows into my hand and lets me do something with my life that I feel

從她身上長出來，長在我的手裡，讓我用我的生命做一些我覺得

happy about, that I feel is worth it. I feel creative.

快樂，我覺得是值得的。我覺得有創意。

I feel like I can make something in this world and I can make something of myself

我覺得我可以在這個世界上有所成就，我也可以成就我自己

because of her.

因為她的緣故。

I really like the watercolors in this. It really reminds me of

我真的很喜歡這裡面的水彩畫。這真的讓我想起了

one of my favorite pictures that I have of Martina in our time in Chicago.

我最喜歡的一張照片，我有 瑪蒂娜在我們在芝加哥的時間。

It's a really pretty picture. So that's my story. I can't ever forget that and sometimes

這是一幅非常漂亮的畫面。所以這就是我的故事。我永遠無法忘記，有時

I do. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and then I remember

我是這麼想的有時候，我得到了壓倒性的，然後我記得

what I'm living my life for. Who I'm living my life for. And then I can get back to it.

我的生活是為了什麼我的生活是為了誰然後我就可以回去了。

From my point of view, the way that I look down at this. I could see

據我的觀點，我往下看的方式。我可以看到

everything that I came from and I could see where I am today. I chose to get this tattoo for

的一切，我從，我可以看到我今天的位置。我選擇這個紋身是為了

another reason as well because

也是由於

Martina, as some of you may know, lives in chronic pain.

瑪蒂娜，你們中的一些人可能知道，生活在慢性疼痛中。

Just every second of every day is

只是每一天的每一秒鐘都是

relentless pain for her. And she'll hide it on camera, and she'll hide it in front of others

對她來說是無情的痛苦。她會把它藏在鏡頭裡，她會把它藏在別人面前。

and she'll hide it in front of me.

她會在我面前藏起來。

But she's suffering and I know she is. If she's sitting or standing or laying down,

但她很痛苦，我知道她很痛苦。如果她是坐著、站著或躺著。

she could never actually be comfortable. So I wanted to

她永遠不可能真正舒適。所以我想

put myself through something similar because, for those of you that have tattoos,

把自己通過類似的東西，因為， 對於那些你有紋身，

you know that they're not fun to get. They hurt like hell. This wrist part was

你知道，他們是不好玩的。它們疼得要命這個手腕部分是

insane. The armpit area.

瘋瘋癲癲的。腋窩部位。

Sweet hell, But I put myself through this pain, through many hours of it,

但我讓自己經歷了這種痛苦，經歷了很多小時的痛苦

so I could try to put myself in Martina's shoes for a bit.

這樣我就可以試著把自己放在瑪蒂娜的位置上了

I tried to focus when I was going through this pain.

當我經歷這種痛苦時，我試著集中注意力。

I was trying to be decent when I was going through this pain. I tried to carry on a conversation

當我經歷這種痛苦的時候，我是想做個體面的人。我試著進行對話

with the tattoo artist. It was a stupid conversation

與紋身師。這是一個愚蠢的對話

I had mostly about how much pain I was in but I hope that through going through this,

我主要是有關於我有多痛苦，但我希望通過經歷這些。

I could empathize a little bit more with Martina.

我可以和瑪蒂娜多一點共鳴。

Ooo, this is the part that is gonna be tough for me to say. Our previous parts were tough, this is a tough part.

哦，這部分對我來說是很難說的。我們之前的部分是艱難的，這是一個艱難的部分。

Okay, here we go

好了，我們開始吧

Whoo. The last reason that I got this tattoo wasn't just for me to remember,

喔最後一個原因，我得到這個紋身 不只是為了讓我記住。

but for Martina to remember. Because

但要讓瑪蒂娜記住。因為

she's a lot sicker now than she was when we first got married and

她現在比我們剛結婚時病得更重了，而且

sometimes when she's

有時，當她

not doing well,

做得不好。

she feels very guilty

她感到很內疚

and she..

而她...

She apologizes...

她道歉...

For being so sick. For, oh boy.

因為我病得很重因為，哦，男孩。

She sometimes feels that she tricked me into marrying her.

她有時覺得是她騙我娶了她。

I want her to see this tattoo and to remember..

我想讓她看到這個紋身，記住... ...

That she didn't trick me. That she

她沒有騙我那就是她

saved me. And I need her to remember how much she's done for me.

救了我。我需要她記住她為我做了多少事。

I owe her my life, and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life trying to pay her back.

我欠她一輩子，我要用我的餘生來償還她。

Guess that's it. There's that video. I didn't want to cry this much. I didn't want to be this kind of video.

我猜就是這樣。有那個視頻。我不想哭這麼多。我不想成為這樣的視頻。

So I hope that she doesn't feel guilty when she sees this tattoo.

所以我希望她看到這個紋身的時候，不要感到內疚。

You can't cry yourself. Nooo! (Martina: I can't come hug you cause I'm wearing pajibers and I don't have a bra on)

你不能自己哭。不！（瑪蒂娜：我不能來擁抱你，因為我穿著睡衣，我沒有穿胸罩）。

Point is.

重點是：

I don't ever want her to feel guilty for being sick around me, but she's definitely gonna find

我不想讓她因為在我身邊生病而感到內疚 但她一定會發現的

another way to feel guilty But don't worry everyone.

另一種感到內疚的方式 但大家不要擔心。

I still have three more limbs that I could tattoo on.

我還有三條肢體可以紋在上面。

Actually. (Martina: Sailor Moon Duck it is)

其實。(瑪蒂娜：水手月鴨是)

I think it's more like four limbs. (Martina: DUCKIE)

我認為它更像是四肢。(Martina: DUCKIE)

Because let's admit it, It is pretty huge. Hold on, I gotta blow it right now

因為讓我們承認，它是相當大的。等一下，我現在要吹它

I was talking about my nose. Of course. Why? What were you thinking?

我說的是我的鼻子當然了怎麼了？ - 你在想什麼？你在想什麼？

Get your mind out of the gutter.

把你的思想從陰溝里弄出來。

Okay, so that's it for this super happy video.

好了，這段超級開心的視頻就到這裡了。

Wasn't that great to watch? I'm so glad that I shared this.

是不是很好看？我很高興我分享了這個。

If you want to learn more about tattoos in Japan, we did another video about that. No sobbing,

如果你想了解更多關於日本的紋身，我們又做了一個視頻。沒有泣不成聲。

no crying in that one. Super lighthearted video.

沒有哭的那一個。超級輕鬆的視頻。

So click on the link here if you want to learn about tattoo culture in Japan. (Martina: Hey duckie) I'm a wreck. Yes my love. (Martina: Let me just say something important, okay?)

所以如果你想了解日本的紋身文化，請點擊這裡的鏈接。(Martina: Hey duckie)我是個廢人。是的，我的愛。(Martina: 讓我說一些重要的事情，好嗎？)

(Martina: Getting a tattoo done that had meaning is wonderful, and you sharing with people was really hard)

(瑪蒂娜：做一個有意義的紋身是很美好的，你和大家分享真的很辛苦)

(Martina: You know? You're always captain, mister tough. You know. Oh I lost this challenge,)

(瑪蒂娜：你知道嗎？你永遠是隊長，強硬的先生。你知道嗎？哦，我失去了這個挑戰，）。)

(Martina: I want these cookies, but I know you're a big softie.) I want to cry every time I lose in cookie battles.

(Martina：我想要這些餅乾，但我知道你是個大軟蛋。)每次在餅乾大戰中輸了，我都想哭。

(Martina: I know you do.)

(瑪蒂娜：我知道你會的)

Okay. That's it.

好了，就這樣吧就這樣吧

I'm sweating. From the eyes. And the nose. And the pits. Thanks for watching.

我出汗了。從眼睛裡。還有鼻子和坑。謝謝你看我的節目