Being dead, or anything else.

And why aren't you in uniform?

It's about time you got here!

Hey, Patrick!

You all ready for the big night out tonight?

Yeah, it's gonna rock!

Are you ready to go crazy?

I'm already hearing voices!

Are you ready to--

SpongeBob, Patrick! Do you mind?

If you think I'm gonna spend more than five minutes on this dumpster,

then you're crazy.

I mean, look at this place.

It's disgusting.

Hey Sandy, watch me do the grouchy Squidward.

Stop naming moves after me.

Everybody's an idiot except for me.

Well, it's true.

Here. Pleas hit me as hard as you can.

Psst, Squidward.

I'm working in the kitchen...

at night.

Don't hold back.

I think we should keep our voices down in case of avalanches!

- What should we keep down? - Morons.

Cause you and me, we're like brothers, only closer.

[screaming]

Another day. Another migraine.

He-he.. mi--

On time percentage...

Twelve percent.

Graine... he-he.

Here you go. It's alphabet soup.

I made it special.

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.

Horseradish is not an instrument, either.

There's something I've been wanting to say you since the day we met.

Goodbye.

Welcome to our club! Welcome to our club!

Welcome, Squidward! Welcome, Squidward! Welcome, Squidward! Welcome, Squidward!

Shut your half-wit pie holes!

I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with SpongeBob and Patrick.

Oh, why must every eleven minutes of my life

to be filled with misery? Why?

Oh, cheer up. Squid. It could be worse.

Yeah, you could be bald and have a big nose.

Well, this is the end.

- Arr... - Aw...

Meow.

Could we please stop this?

Hey Squidward, do you want me to cast out over here so you can watch me?

How about you cast out over there so I can ignore you?

Okay.

How does it feel to be the most hated thing

in Bikini Bottom, Plankton? It hurts, doesn't it? I know.

That's fine. No one has any experience.

Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.

[laughing]

All of you...

[laughing]

When do we get the free food?

Rage, fury, irritation, humiliation.

Holy fish paste! Get it off me!

Get it off me!

[panting]

Don't you know how to work that thing?

Uh, I can do it.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[whimpering]

Here lies Squidward's hopes and dreams.

What a baby.

Hey, watch where you're swinging that--

SpongeBob, be careful with--

[screaming]

[screaming]

Mr. Krabs, listen, I work with SpongeBob all day long, so I know

what I'm talking about when I say you are completely out of your mind!

[laughing manically]

Get us out of here!

- Could I have something to eat? - No.

- Could I have something to eat? - No.

- Could I have something to eat? - No.

Can't you say anything else but no?

Try asking again.

Can I have something to eat?

No.

[grunting]

Squidward, are you alright?

[grunting]

Maybe we should ask the shell if he's OK.

Okay, try to repeat after me.

[clarinet playing]

Brass section, go.

[brass instruments playing]

Good. Now the wind.

[brass instruments playing]

And the drums.

[blowing]

Too bad that didn't kill me.

[babbling]

Squidward, we already played babble like an idiot.

Why are you still here?

Well, since we finished everything on the list, I thought I'd make up a new one.

I already filled up this book with ideas.

- We should be able to finish by January. - Forget the book!

[groaning]

Huh?

- Customization! - Genius!

[grunting]

- He's tenderizing the ground. - Of course.

[grunting]

Write that down! Write that down!

Huh?

Voila.

Whoever told you hanging oil lamps next to hardwood paneling was a good--

Oh, now what? I suppose you're going to-- Oh, gee, that's very nice.

Oh, what is this? Some kind of magic act?

[screaming]

What are those Neanderthals up to?

Don't they know I'm busy spoiling myself?

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

People talk loud when they want to act smart, right?

Correct!

So if we play loud, people might think we're good.

Everybody ready?

And a-one and a-two

and a-one, two, three, four!

[loud blast of music]

Okay, new theory.

Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.

You don't know how happy I am to see you, I have been stranded out here

for weeks with... with... with these two barnacle heads

and their magic conch shell.

Magic conch shell?

You mean like this?

The magic conch! A club member!

[screeching]

[groaning]