Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • DAVID: You know, it's so funny, Beth, that we came to

  • the park to get away from the shallowness of everyday life.

  • And people around here seem to be more concerned about their

  • appearances than anybody.

  • When it's all about looks, you don't get a chance to know the

  • real person.

  • Like, what's underneath that bikini?

  • You know.

  • BETH: I know, exactly.

  • DAVID: No, seriously.

  • What's underneath?

  • Like, if you took off your bikini, what would I see?

  • BETH: Well, it's just like skin.

  • It's just skin.

  • DAVID: Oh, God.

  • BETH: Anyway, what do I know about you?

  • Who's the real David?

  • DAVID: Well, it's complicated.

  • BETH: Try me.

  • DAVID: I'm just a guy who wishes I could

  • have sex with someone.

  • I mean, there was Lucy Davis in high school.

  • And then ever since then, and now I'm 38.

  • And I don't know.

  • BETH: David, women don't care about what it is

  • you have down here.

  • DAVID: No?

  • BETH: No.

  • What women care about is what's up here.

  • DAVID: Oh, brains.

  • BETH: No, I--

  • I was pointing to your hairline.

  • Yeah, women like a man with a full head of hair.

  • You're balding.

  • And it's completely sickening me.

  • And I've got to go.

  • DAVID: Beth.

  • DOCTOR: You know, while you're here, we could fix up that

  • nose, highlight those cheekbones a little bit.

  • Would you like that?

  • DAVID: Can you do something about my chin, too?

  • DOCTOR: Sure.

  • We'll tell the insurance company

  • it's a deviated septum.

  • Jeremy, cancel my lunch.

  • I'm going to put Mr. Wain under and then molest him for

  • a little while.

  • Now, don't be shocked, Mr. Wain.

  • It sometimes takes months for the swelling to go down.

  • DAVID: [MOANING]

  • DOCTOR: Well?

  • JASON: It's beautiful.

  • Somewhere in that bar is the woman of my dreams.

  • I can smell it.

  • Yep, things are starting to look like roses for good old

  • David Wain.

  • MATT: All right, David.

  • Now look, don't get your confidence up too much.

  • I mean, after all, you are still just a man.

  • OK?

  • JASON: Have you seen how handsome I am?

  • MATT: David, handsome isn't just about a look.

  • It's about uh your spirit, your state-of-mind.

  • It's about--

  • JASON: Shh, shh, shh.

  • I can fake all that.

  • I'm David.

  • And I'm handsome.

  • If you need an extra pair of jumper cables, I happen to

  • have some in my trousers.

  • Don't get me wrong.

  • I like nipple hair.

  • I guess my favorite currency is first the dime, then the

  • quarter, then the nickel.

  • The new mortgage rate crisis is making it very difficult

  • for young people.

  • Ultimately, it's the best strategy that wins.

  • And that's why they call it backgammon.

  • Aw, ow.

  • MATT: Oh, Jesus.

  • David, come on.

  • JASON: My face.

  • My beautiful face.

  • They smacked the shit out of it.

  • Women hate me more than ever.

  • MATT: I told you, David.

  • It's not about the physical appearance.

  • JASON: Please explain.

  • MATT: Well, you see, David, they miss the

  • funny, sensitive David.

  • The David that, if they took home, he'd

  • be eternally grateful.

  • What you need to do is find your--

  • JASON: I get it.

  • I get it.

  • Wait.

  • Stop, stop, stop.

  • [GLASS BREAKING]

  • Hey, hey, I uh--

  • I'm sorry.

  • I don't have an appointment, I know.

  • But--

  • DOCTOR: But you want to go back to the way things were.

  • I've been expecting you.

  • JASON: How did you know?

  • DOCTOR: They always come back, sooner or later.

  • JASON: Oh.

  • ZANDY: It's great to have the old David back.

  • We all missed you.

  • DAVID: Well, it's good to be back, Zandy.

  • ZANDY: As Confucius said, "everything has its beauty,

  • but not everyone sees it.

  • DAVID: He also said, "before you embark on a journey of

  • revenge, dig two graves."

  • JENNIFER: He has Stephen Hawking's disease.

  • DAVID: Oh, the wheelchair guy.

  • JONAH: (ROBOTIC VOICE) Hello, Dorvid.

  • DAVID: Did he just call me Dorvid?

  • JONAH: Sorry, typo.

  • (ROBOTIC VOICE) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

DAVID: You know, it's so funny, Beth, that we came to

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it