(head laughing)

(brains bubbling)

(brains squelching)

(creepy laughing)

(brains squelching)

(dramatic music building)

(creature roaring)

(creepy laughing)

- Don't say it.

- I'm gonna say it.

- Don't.

- But I wanna.

- Orange, you know the moment you say it

he's gonna pop out of the shadows or something.

So don't say it!

- Don't say what?

- The word creepy pasta, 'cause the moment we say it-

- Did someone say creepy pasta? (laughs)

(fruit screaming)

Oh, it pleases me that you wish to hear

another of my world-famous creepy pastas.

- We actually don't. We just said that-

- My latest creation is entitled "Spider Cap." (laughs)

- Oh cool, is Spiderman in it?

- Is Captain America in it?

- I am afraid we couldn't afford them,

but there is a hat, you like hats don't you?

- Um, I guess.

- Of course you do.

Now then, where was I? (clears throat)

Once upon a time there was a young pear

who was obsessed with fashion

when he heard about a new hat shop in town.

"Speederman's Hat Shoppe" read the sign out front.

The pear could tell it was a fancy establishment

because of all the extra letters in the word shop.

Excited, he rushed inside and was greeted

with shelves and shelves of every type of hat

he could possibly imagine and even some he couldn't.

Across the store the purveyor of the shop, Mr. Speederman,

spied the young pear perusing the rare hat section.

Mr. Speederman asked the young pear

if he was interested in seeing

the most expensive hat in the store.

Intrigued, the pear's eyes widened as Mr. Speederman

produced a beautiful black and red box

with what appeared to be air holes punched in the top.

The pear was perplexed

but his hesitance quickly turned to excitement

as the shopkeeper explained that the hat within

was all the rage in Paris and Milan.

The young pear could not wait to try on the hat within

until the lid was opened

and he saw what was inside:

a gigantic living, breathing spider.

Now the young pear was beyond confused.

This spider was a hat?

Mr. Speederman explained that yes,

the spider cap was the most cutting-edge

hat wear money could buy.

The pear looked around the store to find a number

of particularly fashionable patrons

wearing spider caps as well.

Fearing he might miss out on a smashing new trend

the young pear quickly handed over the considerable sum,

signed a contract of some sort,

then proudly placed his brand new spider cap upon his head.

At which point it plunged its fangs

deep into the pear's head.

The shopkeeper assured the pear

that this was all perfectly normal.

This way the spider cap wouldn't blow away in the wind.

The pear looked around and sure enough,

the other spider caps were secured

in their owner's heads the same way.

Soon Pear began to feel strange.

He felt a slight itch on his back

and so he scratched it.

And at that moment he realized

he was scratching his own back.

This of course was surprising to him

because he had no limbs.

He rushed to a mirror only to discover

that he had sprouted a long,

hairy spider leg out of his body,

then another and another.

As Pear gazed into the mirror

he saw that he no longer had two eyes,

he was growing additional eyes by the second.

He again asked the shopkeeper if this was typical.

The shopkeeper replied yes,

everything happening to the young pear

was covered in the contract he had signed.

The young pear opened his mouth to reply,

but his tongue was gone.

It had become (indistinct) juice.

Pear darted for the door trying to escape,

but the shopkeeper was too fast.

Mr. Speederman quickly and expertly trapped the young pear,

or should I say the young spider

inside a familiar-looking red and black box

with air hose punched in the lid.

Outside the box he could hear voices.

A new customer had just walked into the shop

and was asking to purchase a new spider cap.

(fruit screaming)

- Well that was a good one Creepy Pasta.

- Yeah, you should definitely post it

to the worldwide web. (laughs)

(Creepy Pasta groans)

- That story really freaked me out.

Just the thought of turning into a spider and wait,

where's Pear?

- Who cares? He was boring anyway.

- Hmm, that's true. (laughs)

(Apple laughs)

(Creepy Pasta laughs)

(creepy circus music)