you have when you're an RA.

你有當你是一個RA。

And I'ma let you know,

我會讓你知道的

the list is extensive.

列表是廣泛的。

(intense music)

(激烈的音樂)

- Hey, my name is Erik.

- 嘿，我的名字是埃裡克。

I was an RA for a year in college.

我在大學裡當過一年的RA。

- Hey, I'm Laura

- 嘿，我是勞拉

and I was an RA for three years in college.

我在大學裡當了三年的助教。

- Hi everybody.

- 大家好

My name is Angel and I was an RA for three years in college.

我叫安琪兒，在大學裡當了三年的RA。

And today, we're gonna be sharing our horror stories.

今天，我們要分享我們的恐怖故事。

(door slamming)

(猛然間)

- What was that?

- 那是什麼？

(suspenseful music)

（懸念音樂）

I remember about eight years ago,

我記得大約八年前。

I was the RA on duty.

我是當班的RA。

And it was really, really wild

而且它是真的，真的很瘋狂

because usually things didn't happen.

因為通常情況下，事情並沒有發生。

But, this time I got a noise complaint.

但是，這次我卻被人投訴了。

And noise complaints are really rare

而噪音投訴真的很少

when you're an RA.

當你是一個RA。

Because I feel like everyone's being noisy.

因為我覺得大家都很吵。

But on this fateful evening,

但在這個決定性的夜晚

I remember someone called me and they were like,

我記得有人打電話給我，他們就像。

"yo, the dorm next to me is being super loud.

"喲，我旁邊的宿舍被超級大的聲音。

"Can you do something about it?"

"你能做點什麼嗎？"

So, I went over.

所以，我過去了。

And the music was really loud.

而且音樂真的很吵。

I was like, oh my lord.

我當時想，哦，我的上帝。

This is definitely a little louder than usual.

這絕對比平時的聲音大一些。

And I knocked on the door.

我敲了敲門。

No one answered.

沒有人回答。

But, people were definitely in there.

但是，人肯定在裡面。

I knock again.

我再次敲門。

Knock, knock, knock.

敲，敲，敲。

No one's answering.

沒有人回答。

Still loud music.

依然是大聲的音樂。

They probably can't hear me.

他們可能聽不到我的聲音。

So, what we do is we have a super skeleton key

所以，我們要做的是，我們有一個超級骨架鑰匙。

that unlocks every dorm.

這解鎖了每個宿舍。

The power of being an RA.

作為一個RA的力量。

So, I open the door and I walk in to an orgy.

所以，我打開門，我走進了一個狂歡的地方。

There were probably about seven people,

大概有七個人。

eight people?

八個人？

You know what,

你知道嗎？

I didn't really count 'cause there were other things

我不算，因為還有其他的事情。

that I was like, whoa.

我當時想，哇。

Look at that.

你看那個。

Look at that.

你看那個。

Oh my god, look at that.

哦，我的上帝，看那個。

It was so crazy,

太瘋狂了

'cause when I walked in the door,

因為當我走進門的時候

it was like a needle scratch.

就像針刮一樣。

'Cause everyone looked at me.

因為每個人都看著我。

I looked at everyone.

我看著大家。

And I was just like,

而我只是喜歡。

"you guys need to keep the noise down."

"你們要小聲點" "You guys need to keep the noise down."

And I just slowly closed the door,

而我只是慢慢地關上了門。

locked it,

鎖定它。

and then went about my way.

然後就走我的路。

I didn't really know what to do.

我真的不知道該怎麼做。

Didn't report it to my boss.

沒有向我的老闆報告。

But, I guess the lesson of the story is

但是，我想這個故事的教訓是

if you are throwing an orgy in your dorm,

如果你扔在你的宿舍狂歡。

play better music.

播放更好的音樂。

(playful music)

(俏皮音樂)

- So, my horror story happened about eight years ago.

- 所以，我的恐怖故事發生在八年前。

I was a junior in college.

我是一名大三的學生。

And it was my second year as an RA.

而那是我做RA的第二年。

So I felt like, I got this in the bag.

所以，我覺得，我得到了這個在包裡。

I had all girls again.

我又有了所有的女孩。

Super ready for it.

超級準備好了。

And I had one girl who was on a full ride.

而我有一個女孩，她是坐滿了車。

She was really great.

她真的很棒。

Honestly, we got along super well.

說實話，我們相處得超級好。

But, as the semester was going on,

但是，隨著這學期的進行。

she started gaining a lot of weight.

她開始增加了很多體重。

And as an RA, you kind of think,

而作為一個RA，你有點想。

okay, maybe that's related to depression.

好吧，也許這與抑鬱症有關。

So, we're trained to just kind of check in on that.

所以，我們被訓練成只是一種檢查。

So, I checked in with her and I was like,

所以，我檢查了她，我很喜歡。

"how are things going?"

"事情進展如何？"

And she just said, "oh, everything's really,

而她只是說，"哦，一切都很。

"really good.

"真的很好。

"I'm getting straight A's in my classes.

"我的班級成績是全A。

"I'm doing really well with my new-ish boyfriend.

"我和我新交的男朋友相處的很好。

"It's all good."

"這都是好事。"

I'm like, "great".

我想，"太好了"。

Not over.

還沒有結束。

By thanksgiving,

通過感恩。

this girl, my resident tells me,

這個女孩，我的住院醫師告訴我。

"hey, I'm pregnant."

"嘿，我懷孕了。"

What?

什麼？

Wow, that's a lot.

哇，這是一個很大的。

Okay, you're on full scholarship.

好吧，你在全額獎學金。

Let's figure out how to keep you going.

讓我們想辦法讓你繼續下去。

I knew that this baby was gonna come next semester.

我就知道這個孩子下學期會來。

So, spring break happens.

所以，春假髮生了。

We come back.

我們回來了。

Boom, baby.

嘣，寶貝。

♪ Hallelujah ♪

哈利路亞

Baby was now living on our floor in a dorm.

寶寶現在住在我們這一層的宿舍裡。

Not as a college student.

作為一個大學生就不行了。

As a newborn baby.

作為一個新生兒。

What?

什麼？

After about a week of this baby

經過大約一週的時間，這個寶貝

being one of my residents essentially,

基本上是我的居民之一。

I went down to my resident director and I was like,

我去找我的宿管主任，我當時就想。

"look, this is not okay."

"你看，這是不對的。"

So my boss goes, "okay.

於是我的老闆說："好吧。

"I believe you.

"我相信你。

"let's write a report and I'm gonna send it to

"讓我們寫一份報告，我要把它送到...

"the head of resident directing."

"駐地指揮長"。

And instead of kicking her out of school,

而不是把她踢出學校。

which is not what we wanted,

這不是我們想要的。

they did decide to put her in off-campus housing

他們確實決定讓她在校外住宿

that was safe,

那是安全的。

where she could still keep her scholarship

在那裡她還能保持她的獎學金

and have this child.

並生下這個孩子。

She got through pregnancy, birth and freshman year

她熬過了懷孕、生產和大一的日子。

with a smile on her face and straight A's.

臉上帶著微笑，成績直逼A。

If this girl can do that,

如果這個女孩能做到這一點。

we can all get through college.

我們都可以通過大學。

(light music)

（輕音樂）

- So, my most traumatic horror story

- 所以，我最慘痛的恐怖故事

is when I was an RA

是我當助教的時候

my junior year.

我大三的時候。

I'm with the other RA's and we're you know,

我和其他RA一起，我們... ...你知道的。

chit chatting, talking.

閒聊，說話。

And then all of a sudden,

然後突然間。

this girl who's five feet nothing,

這個女孩誰是五英尺什麼，

she bursts into the lounge

她衝進休息室

and she's just like,

她只是喜歡，

"oh my gosh.

"哦，我的天哪，

"oh my gosh."

"哦，我的天哪。"

She is panting and she's out of breath.

她氣喘吁吁，氣若游絲。

She's breathing like oxygen is going out of style.

她的呼吸就像氧氣要過時了一樣。

And I was like, oh she's in danger.

我當時想，哦，她有危險。

Somebody's after her.

有人在追殺她

Somebody's tryna' get her.

有人想抓她

So, I'm a little freaked out.

所以，我有點嚇壞了。

And she looks at me,

而她看著我。

and dead in my face she's like,

和死在我的臉上，她就像，

"there's a volcano of (beep)

"有一座火山的（嗶）

"coming out of my toilet."

"走出我的廁所。"

And I was like,

我當時就想。

"there's a what?"

"有一個什麼？"

And then she's just like,

然後她就像。

"there's a volcano of (beep)."

"有一座火山的（嗶）。"

Okay, somethings not right here.

好吧，有些事情不對這裡。

I'ma need you to take me to the problem.

我需要你帶我去解決問題。

Because at this point,

因為此時。

I just don't believe her.

我只是不相信她。

So, she takes me through the little apartment complex,

於是，她帶我參觀了小公寓群。

and I can already smell human waste.

我已經聞到了人類廢物的味道。

All of a sudden,

突然間。

I can literally see in her apartment hallway,

我可以在她的公寓走廊上看到。

gross water on the floor.

地上有毛水。

She really didn't lie to me.

她真的沒有騙我。

(laughing)

（笑）

I don't have training for this.

我沒有受過這方面的訓練。

I'ma let y'all know,

我會讓你們知道的

I don't have training for this.

我沒有受過這方面的訓練。

They sure don't pay us enough for me to deal with

他們肯定沒有給我們足夠的錢讓我去處理。

human waste in any way, shape or form.

以任何方式、形狀或形式的人類廢物；

I literally walked out of the apartment.

我真的走出了公寓。

I was like, I've seen enough.

我當時想，我已經看夠了。

I called the department of public safety.

我給警察局打了電話。

I was like, boop, boop.

我當時就想，boop，boop。

Hello?

喂？

Eventually, a maintenance man comes.

最後，一個維修人員來了。

It took him an hour apparently.

顯然他花了一個小時。

And so, I go to followup with the resident,

於是，我就去跟蹤這位居民。

and she's just like,

她只是喜歡，

"oh my gosh.

"哦，我的天哪，

"Thank you so much for helping me."

"非常感謝你對我的幫助。"

She's just like, "yeah."

她只是想，"是啊。"

She's like, "So, have a good night."

她說："那麼，祝你晚安。"

And I'm like, wait.

我想，等待。

I was like, "do you not want me to put you in contact

我當時想，"你不希望我把你的聯繫，

with one of my supervisors or something like that?"

與我的一個主管或類似的東西？"

You know.

你知道的

She was like, "no.

她很喜歡，"沒有。

"no thanks."

"不，謝謝。"

And she left.

然後她離開了。

And I never saw her again.

而我再也沒有見過她。

So, I don't know what happened to that girl.

所以，我不知道那個女孩發生了什麼事。

But, very low maintenance resident.

但是，很低的維護居民。

I guess the moral of the story here is,

我想這個故事的寓意是：

when you're an RA,

當你是一個RA。

you see some

你看到一些

(beep)

（嗶嗶聲）

and sometimes,

而有時。

it's a lot of

好多

(beep)

（嗶嗶聲）

(intense music)

(激烈的音樂)