and that's usually when I catch up on some personal stuff.

I check my inbox, I return some e-mails,

and of course I send out thank-you notes.

And I was just running a bit behind,

so I thought, if you guys wouldn't mind,

I'd like to write out my weekly thank-you notes.

right now, I hope it's cool with you guys.

James, can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?

Can you, uh...

♪♪ God, is he --

♪♪

Is he animatronic? Is that a real...

[ Laughter ]

Oh, there. He moved his eyes.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

Thank you, Tampa Bay Lightning,

for winning the Stanley Cup on Monday night.

And for somehow doing it with less fighting

than we saw Tuesday night.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

Thank you, puffer coats,

for making me look like The Rock in a t-shirt.

[ Laughter ]

He's just jacked.

Puffer coats or puffy coats? What are we?

Puffer?

I don't think I've ever called them puffer coats.

What do you call them?

-Uh, puffer coats.

-You just made it up.

-No, I didn't.

Yes, I did.

[ Laughter ]

-I knew you did. I knew you did.

Okay. ♪♪

-Thank you, surprise "Borat" sequel coming out

before Election Day.

It's nice to know that no matter who wins,

we can all look forward to four more years of co-workers saying,

[ As Borat ] "My wife."

[ Laughter ]

Let him do it. Let him do it.

♪♪

Thank you, Microsoft Word,

for suffering a major outage this week,

or as Clippy put it, "Well, well, well,

look at who needs help now."

[ Laughter ]

He gets a bad rap, Clippy.

He always helped me out. I like Clippy.

-I love Clippy. -Right?

-He's my home boy. -Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

-But then you had the option to turn Clippy off.

-Yeah, but I liked him. -You bring him back, right?

-Yeah. -Yeah, you bring him back.

-Bring him back. -Come on, man.

[ Laughs ] Clippy.

-Yeah.

♪♪

-Thank you, knowing there's a mosquito in my bedroom,

for providing me with a fun night

of randomly slapping myself.

[ Laughter ]

-[ Imitating buzzing ]

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

-Thank you, scented markers,

for telling you all who the druggies

in the first grade class would be.

[ Laughter ]

-Yeah. Yeah. -"Jared, Jared, stop."

-Yeah.

-I like this one. ♪♪

This one you have to really look at the graphic.

-Really? -Yeah.

It'll be worth it. It'll be --

This is almost like it's -- this is like AR.

XR. Multi screen type of stuff. -Oh, okay, okay, okay.

-Yeah. This is like -- yeah.

Anyways...

Look at the graphic and also listen to me.

-Okay. -So it is like an --

it's an audio, it's an audible, it's --

-I get it. -Yeah.

-All right.

-Wait, at the same time, or --? -At the same time?

Was that -- Yeah, yeah. -Okay.

-At the same time, you're going to look and listen.

Yep.

-Right now?

-Soon, yeah. Soon as I -- Soon as I can.

-Okay. -All right. Thanks, Higgins.

-You ready? Let's do it.

[ Laughter ]

-Take that back, man. -Oh, my God.

Take it like this.

♪♪

Thank you, hammerhead sharks,

for being a fearsome predator that's also really good

at giving side-eye.

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

That's really good.

♪♪

-Thank you, London Marathon, for being held this Sunday

without spectators, or as I'll put it on Monday,

"Hey, everybody, I ran the London Marathon."

[ Laughter ]

There you have it. Those are my thank-you notes.