HOW ARE WE ALL DOING TODAY?

IF YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE SLOW THE LAST FEW NIGHTS, IAN,

ONE OF OUR HEAD WRITERS WHO USUALLY JOINS US ON THE SHOW IS

NOT IN TODAY.

HE ATE SOME UNDERCOOKED SHRIM AND HAS FOOD POISONING.

NOT SURE HOW THAT HAPPENS.

ONE OF OUR WRITERS IS FILLING IN.

NATE.

HOW YOU GOING DOING?

HE LOOKS SO FIRED UP TO BE HERE.

>> GOOD.

>> James: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO.

>> BEING MY USUAL WILD SELF, YOU KNOW.

THREW ON SOME ROCK AND ROLL RECORDS THIS WEEKEND, GOT A

SIXER OF BEER, BECAME A TOTAL STAMP TRAMP, YOU KNOW.

>> James: BECAME A WHAT?

A STAMP TRAMP.

>> James: I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HEAR YOU.

YOU SAY YOU GOT A TRAMP STAMP?

>> NO, A TRAMP STAMP IS A SUGGESTIVE TATTOO IN THE LOWER

BACK.

WHAT I AM IS A STAMP TRAMP.

>> James: I DON'T THINK ANYBODY HERE KNOWS WHAT A STAMP

TRAMP IS.

IS A STAMP TRAMP A THING?

>> OH, BELIEVE ME, IT IS, JAMES.

I GET OUT MY CREDIT CARD, I GO TO USPS.com AND I ORDER A

BUNCH OF STAMPS -- I'M TALKING A NAUGHTY AMOUNT OF STAMPS, IF YOU

KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

( LAUGHTER ) >> James: BUT I DON'T.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

I DON'T THINK I WOULD EVER CALL ANY AMOUNT OF STAMPS "NAUGHTY."

>> WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU >> WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVEN'T

SEEN THE POSTAL SERVICE'S MORE ADULT STAMP SELECTION.

>> James: I HAVE NOT.

I HAVEN'T SEEN A STAMP IN YEARS.

>> I BOUGHT THIS STAMP.

THEY ARE PRETTY STEAMY.

I'M NOT SURE WE CAN EVEN SHOW IT ON TV, BUT I'LL TRY.

>> James: IT'S TOMATOES.

>> JAMES, IT'S A BUNCH OF JUICY FRUIT AT SOME SORT OF NAKED

PARTY.

>> James: IT'S VEGETABLE-THEMED POSTAGE.

>> I KNOW, IT'S PRETTY SHOCKING, I KNOW.

BUT THIS IS THE KIND OF HARDCORE THING I'M INTO NOW, JAMES.

BECAUSE I'M A STAMP TRAMP.

>> James: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS, BUT I MISS IAN.

( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

>> I DIDN'T STOP THERE.

NO.

I DIDN'T STOP THERE.

I GOT A WHOLE PACK OF THESE BOYS.

>> James: THAT'S ARNOLD PALMER.

>> IT SURE IS.

AND THIS STAMP MAKES ME WANNA MIX SOME ICE TEA WITH LEMONADE,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

>> James: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU MEAN.

>> THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A PRUDE AND ME?

I'M A GRADE-A STAMP TRAMP.

I JUST DROPPED FIFTY BUCKS ON THESE SAUCY LITTLE STICKIES.

>> James: SAUCY LITTLE STICKIES?

WHAT?

>> YES, THESE LUSCIOUS LITTLE LICKABLES.

>> James: LICKABLES?

NATE, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE BUYING EXTRA STAMPS TO HELP THE

UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE.

THIS IS YOU JUST BEING A GOOD CITIZEN.

>> OH, REALLY?

WOULD A GOOD CITIZEN DO THIS?

AAAHHH!

, AHHH.

>> Jams: YEAH, GOOD PEOPLE LICK ENVELOPES.

MAYBE NOT LIKE THAT.

>> DON'T SHAME ME, JAMES.

>> James: THAT'S NOT WHAT I HAVE TO MEAN.

>> Reggie: I HAVE TO AGREE WITH NATE, THOSE ARE SOME TRAMPY

LITTLE STAMPIES.

>> James: NOT YOU AS WELL, REGGIE.

>> BASICALLY, JAMES, THESE ARE TOASTY LITTLE TOASTIES.

>> James: OKAY, TOASTY TOASTIES!

>> THEY'RE SASSY LITTLE SQUAREYS.

>> James: STOP.

I ALSO CALL THEM ( BLEEP ) STAMPS.

>> James: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

YOU'RE BUYING STAMPS, THAT IS A TOTALLY NORMAL, WHOLESOME THING.

>> SURE, SURE.

I GUESS BUYING STAMPS IS A GREAT WAY, TO YOU KNOW, SUPPORT THE

POSTAL SERVICE AND, YES, THE POSTAL SERVICE PLAYS A HUGE ROLE

IN PROCESSING VOTE BY MAIL BALLOTS AND, OF COURSE, I'M

WORRIED THAT THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION IS UNDERMINING

THE POST OFFICE IN AN ATTEMPT TO SUPPRESS THE VOTE IN THE

UPCOMING ELECTION.

>> James: YES, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

>> BUT THAT IS NOT WHY I BUY STAMPS, JAMES.

I DO IT BECAUSE I HAVE TO.

I DO IT BECAUSE I'M A SICK LITTLE BISCUIT!

I DO IT BECAUSE I AM A TRAMP FOR THE STAMP!

READ IT AND WEEP, JAMES!

( LAUGHTER ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

YOU GET IT?

BECAUSE -- >> James: NO, WE ALL GET IT.

BACK HAS TWO MEANINGS HERE.

>> James: I UNDERSTAND.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> IT'S A HOMONYM.

>> James: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MAYA RUDOLPH AND FRED

ARMISEN, EVERYBODY!