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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME

  • TO THE "LATE, LATE SHOW," I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD WEEKEND.

  • WE ARE ALL IN A GOOD MOOD IN HERE.

  • WE WERE JUST MISSING-- I MEAN I REALIZE, I THINK SOME DAYS I

  • THINK YOU FEEL LEAK YOU WANT TO KNOW, WE WERE JUST LISTENING TO

  • WHITNEY HOUSTON.

  • I GET SO EMOTIONAL BABY.

  • EVERY-- THAT'S I STARTED TOO HIGH.

  • >> THAT'S ON ME, THAT'S MY BAD.

  • I WAS SO EMOTIONAL BABY.

  • WE HAVE A FUN SHOW TONIGHT.

  • LATER ON THE INCREDIBLE BRYAN KRANSTON WILL BE STOPPING BY, A

  • PERFORMANCE BY DECLAN McKENNA.

  • STICK AROUND FOR THAT.

  • REGGIE, IT WAS WARM THIS WEEKEND.

  • HOW ARE YOU IN THE HEAT?

  • >> Reggie: YOU KNOW, I HAVE A WARD THING WITH HEAT, I USED TO

  • WEAR SWEATERS ALL THE TIME.

  • AND I THINK I BURNED OUT MY THERMOSTAT OR SOMETHING BECAUSE

  • I DON'T-- I DON'T SENSE IT WHEN IT IS HOT UNLESS I'M IN THE SUN

  • AND IT IS MELTING, SEARING ME, SO I AM IN THE SHADE, PEOPLE ARE

  • LUKE IT'S SO HOT, I'M LUKE IS IT?

  • I DON'T KNOW.

  • IS THAT THE ANSWER?

  • >> James: AND THAT'S THE LEVEL, THAT'S WHERE WE ARE AT.

  • SOME SORT OF INCITE, YOU CAN'T GET ANY ARE.

  • IT WAS WARM THOUGH.

  • IT WAS 100, I THINK IT WAS 130 DEGREES IN DEATH VALLEY, WHICH

  • IS APPARENTLY THE HIGHEST TEMPERATURE ON EARTH IN OVER A

  • CENTURY.

  • >> Reggie: WHOA.

  • >> James: SO YEAH, IT TERMS OUT THINGS CAN GET WORSE.

  • 130 DEGREES.

  • JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT NOTHING COULD MAKE A PLACE CALLED DEATH

  • VALLEY LESS APPEALING.

  • ALSO TONIGHT IT WAS THE FIRST NIGHT OF THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL

  • CONVENTION.

  • >> OW.

  • >> James: WHY IS THERE MORE THAN ONE NIGHT OF THE

  • CONVENTION, IT'S NOT A BACHELOR FINALE.

  • WHAT DO WE NEED?

  • IT SHOULD BE HALF AN HOUR TOPS, ISN'T IT?

  • IT SHOULD BE I'M GENTLEMEN BIDEN, SHE'S KAMALA HARRIS, IF

  • YOU ARE STILL UNDECIDED AT THIS POINT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL

  • YOU.

  • STAY TUNED FOR THE LOCAL NEWS.

  • THAT IS THE CONVENTION.

  • IT SHOULD BE A QUIBI.

  • pIT SHOULD BE ON QUIBI.

  • THAT'S-- THIS YEAR OF COURSE THE CONVENTION IS COMPLETELY VIRTUAL

  • WHICH WILL BE SAFER BUT IT DOES MEAN WE ARE WILL MISS INCREDIBLE

  • SPONTANEOUS MOMENTS LIKE THE TIME BILL CLINTON SAW BALLOONS

  • FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.

  • (LAUGHTER).

  • >> James: HE'S LIKE WHAT IS THIS?

  • WHAT IS IN THESE THINGS.

  • HOW DO THEY GET THE AIR IN THERE?

  • SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP.

  • IT'S NOT JUST POLITICIANS THAT WILL BE FEATURED AT THE DNC.

  • ACCORDING TO THE SCHEDULE BILLIE EILISH WILL BE PERFORMING AS

  • EILISH WILL ILL JOHN LEGEND.

  • YEAH, MEANWHILE THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION IS GOING TO FEATURE

  • KID ROCK, KID ROCK AND ALSO KID ROCK.

  • BIDEN'S TRYING TO APPEAL TO YOUNGER VOTERS BY INVITING

  • BILLIE EILISH TO PERFORM.

  • HE ISN'T STOP THERE, HE ALREADY CHANGED HIS HAIR TO LOOk LIKE

  • THIS.

  • HAS EVERYBODY BEEN FOLLOWING THIS POST OFFICE CONTROVERSY?

  • IAN, ARE YOU UP ON THIS?

  • >> OH YEAH, I'VE BEEN ON IT LIKE A STAMP ON AN ENVELOPE THAT HAS

  • TAKEN THREE WEEKS LONGER THAN YOU HOPED IT WOULD TAKE.

  • >> James: WHETHER IS THE HARDY3 TAKE.

  • >> I SEE IT IN SOLIDARITY WITH ALL OF MY COMRADES WHO WEAR

  • SHORTS TO WORK NO MATTER WHAT.

  • >> James: THAT IS TRUE.

  • IT COULD BE SNOWING OUTSIDE, YOU WOULD WEAR SHORTS AND THEN

  • PROBABLY A BIG DUFFLE COAT.

  • >> YEAH, YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

  • I WOULD LOOK OBSCENE, IT WOULD LIKE LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO FLASH

  • SOMEBODY BUT THE TRUTH IS I JUST HAVE HOT CALFS, HOT CALFS.

  • >> James: THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL YOU, HOT CALFS CARMEL.

  • >> SINCE WAY BACK, I'VE BEEN HOLD CALFS SINCE WAY BACK.

  • >> James: I CAN'T STRESS ENOUGH, THAT'S THE LEVEL.

  • DEMOCRATS ARE WORRIED ABOUT COST-CUTTING MEASURES THAT MIGHT

  • HARM MAIL-IN VOTING FOR THE ELECTION.

  • SO HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI IS CALLING HOUSE MEMBERS BACK FROM

  • THEIR SUMMER BREAK TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE.

  • IT HAPPENED SO FAST THEY DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO CHANGE OUT OF THEIR

  • VACATION CLOTHES.

  • (LAUGHTER) I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE FUNNIER.

  • DID YOU THINK THAT WOULD BE FUNNIER, ROB.

  • >> THEY KEPT SAYING, WE ARE STILL WORKING ON THAT TRAFFIC.

  • -- GRAPHIC, I WAS LIKE OH, IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT, SHOW IT

  • AGAIN.

  • >> IF IS AMAZING IT GETS LESS FUNNY EVERY TIME YOU SEE IT.

  • >> BIG BUILDUP.

  • >> ONE MORE TIME?

  • >> ELSEWHERE IN WASHINGTON DID YOU SEE THIS, PRESIDENT TRUMP

  • GOT A FROSTY RECEPTION WHILE USING AIR FORCE ONE YESTERDAY

  • BUT IT WASN'T FROM AN ANGRY CROWD.

  • HAVE A LOOK AT THIS.

  • >> .

  • >> OH MAN.

  • >> James: BRUTAL, BRUTAL.

  • SHE'S LIKE HOLD YOUR HAND, HAVE I SEEN YOU ON-- IF YOU GO, WE

  • ALL GO.

  • I WILL SAY, AT LEAST SOMEONE IN WHITE HOUSE IS FOLLOWING CDC

  • GUIDE LINES DURING THIS PANDEMIC.

  • THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU, IAN?

  • >> NO, WHEN I GO INTO THE HAND HOLD THAT CHECK CLEARS EVERY

  • TIME.

  • >> James: WHO ARE YOU TODAY?

  • >> EVERY TIME.

  • >> James: WHAT HAPPENED.

  • >> I GOT A WINDBREAKER ON, IT'S A NEW ME.

  • >> James: IT'S THE HOT KAFLS.

  • >> MELANIA WAS LIKE MY MUM WHEN I USED TO GO INTO DRAMA CLUB

  • WHEN I WAS LIKE 12.

  • DON'T HOLD MY HAND.

  • NO, WAIT IN-- EVERYBODY ELSE'S MUM WAITS IN THE CAR.

  • YOU'RE EMBARRASSING-- HEY GUYS.

  • NOW I HAVE SOME SAD NEWS TO SHARE.

  • PIZZERIAS ARE REPORTING A DUE TO DEMAND DURING THE PANDEMIC THEY

  • ARE FACING A SEVERE SHORTAGE OF CHEESE AND PEPPERONI.

  • THIS IS MY BAD.

  • I DO FEEL RESPONSIBLEMENT AND I WILL SAY THIS, TO THE DEMOCRATIC

  • NATIONAL CONVENTION, YOUR SILENCE ON THIS ISSUE TONIGHT IS

  • DEAFENING.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

  • >> James: YEAH, SOMEONE SAID IT.

  • A SHORTAGE OF CHEESE AND PEPPERONI.

  • THIS COULD BE THE NEWS THAT FINALLY MAKES DONALD TRUMP TAKE

  • THE PANDEMIC SERIOUSLY.

  • BUT THAT'S NOT THE ONLY SHORTAGE.

  • THERE ARE ALSO SHORTAGES, THERE IS A SHORTAGE OF CLOROX WIPES

  • AND THEY SAID THAT SHORTAGE MAY LAST UNTIL SOMETIME NEXT YEAR.

  • A CLOROX SPOKESMAN SAYS THE ENTIRE SUPPLY CHAIN IS STRESSED.

  • I MEAN GET IN LINE.

  • WE'RE ALL STRESSED AND YET HERE WE ARE ABSOLUTELY NAILING OUR

  • JOBS. YOU WANT TO SEE HOW MUCH WE'RE NAILING OUR JOBS?

  • TAKE A LOOK AT HOW FUNNY THIS PHOTO IS.

  • THAT'S HOW MUCH WE ARE NAILING IT.

  • THE BREAKFAST DEPARTMENT CAN'T EVEN PULL IT UP BECAUSE THES ARE

  • PROBABLY ON EL SEGUFDO.

  • >> STAND BY.

  • >>ARY'S STANDING BY.

  • THAT PHOTO IS [BLEEP].

  • YOU DON'T WORRY, WE'VE GOT THREE MORE BRILLIANT-- COMING RIGHT

  • UP.

  • YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL 2021.

  • A BUNCH OF NEW BRANDS OF BEING INTRODUCED TO FILL THE VOID LEFT

  • BY CLOROX SUCH AS WET PAPER TOWELS.

  • THIS ONE, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BLEECH.

  • AND FINALLY THIS ONE, YOUR MUM'S SALIVA ON A TISSUE FROM HER

  • POCKET.

  • THANKS GUYS, WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

  • GOOD NIGHT.

  • IT DOES FEEL NICE TO BE BACK IN THE STUDIO THOUGH, I MEAN THIS

  • IS THE SAME STUFF I WAS DOING IN THE GARAGE, IMAGINE HOW DE

  • PRESSING THAT WAS.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME

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