- Hi, Dad. - How you doing?

- I never wanted any of this. - You kind of asked for it,

you know, with the roaming penis of it all.

This is where we are now.

I can't start over

with every yenta in town talking about my divorce.

Well, you've been watching upskirt videos all day.

Chadwick must've upskirted half the school.

Hey, I'm not watching, I'm listening.

You know, I really hate it.

- Hate what? - That they're smarter than us.

- Ten dollars, right? - These are on me.

- But I only asked for one. - What?

You want me to join you for a drink right now?

Dominating win for Hurley Ho.

Can I make a gameplay suggestion?

Don't come out too strong.

Did you patch things up with Hook?

It's just, I'm not comfortable using the Student Council

for illegal activities.

It's all legal as far as you know.

Tell Hook I unlock the snack bar two hours before game time

and to not involve me in whatever legal thing he's doing.

[upbeat music playing]

[Farrah] Isn't it weird how we all have

this amazing ability to share and reshare

our connection to the outside world,

but we neglect the one we're actually walking in?

If we want to feel outrage,

why do we bury ourselves in our newsfeed?

There's plenty of injustice right in front of us to go around.

Where's Hurley?

You seen this Buzzfeed video yet?

I saw it.

Gosh, it's horrifying.

I mean, these are children.

[drumline music playing]

- This is normal. - [loud clattering]

Whatever that sound is, it's getting closer.

Uh... should we be running?

[clattering]

What is this?

The school is cutting girls cross-country and lacrosse.

They say they don't have the money for them.

I'm not getting the bras.

It's part of the protest. Like bra burning in the '60s.

Oh, bra burning wasn't a real thing.

It was a myth. You can Google it.

Sorry. Why is there suddenly no money?

I don't know, but if I don't play,

I don't get a scholarship.

Farrah: If you're willing to post a story about the treatment

of sea turtles 1,000 miles away from home,

you'd better also be willing to fight for the friend

who has stood by your side since you were eight.

- [mic feedback] - [theme song plays]

♪ In a manner of speaking ♪

♪ I don't think we'll be speaking at all ♪

How is the protest this morning not the top story right now?

Because it's girls cross-country and lacrosse. Nobody cares.

Angry girls waving metal bats is a huge story.

I suppose the no-bra angle could generate some clicks.

I can make a jiggle .gif of Jane with the Ds.

Okay, I realize most of your posts are hot indexes

and new-couple alerts,

but sometimes the gig is actually important.

Don't make this about something it's not.

[quietly] I'm kidding.

I will give the protest the juice it deserves.

[whispers] Thank you.

I don't care what they do as long as they don't cut

- chick volleyball. - You're into girl's volleyball?

I'm into camel-toe shorts.

How exactly did they afford

to resod the football field this year?

And what about that brand-new scoreboard outside?

Yeah, the football team takes

five buses of fans to away games.

How do they not have enough money for girls cross-country?

It's just girls and land. Someone needs to explain this.

I heard the athletic director

wasn't even in the building this morning.

Ooh, and the Jayne's gettin' tricky.

And I'm pretty sure Principal Cowher

is still hiding under her desk, so.

Which is why we're gonna do it in front of the school tomorrow.

Ooh, braless girls in front of the school.

- That'll wake this town up. - Uh-huh.

What time are you guys marching?

What do you mean "you guys"?

I'm not on a sports team.

You were just complaining about human cruelty two hours ago.

And you freed the nip in protest.

I mean, what was that, just a cool thing to do

for a good Instagram post?

What are we actually protesting?

I mean, the fact that the girls team didn't sell enough brownies?

This isn't human trafficking.

Let's keep it all in perspective.

How about the fact that no boys teams got cut?

Sometimes girls sports just get screwed.

The US women's soccer team makes half of what the men make,

and they're actually good.

So what was all this for you?

Just make some noise and hope it all works out?

- [scoffs] - What about you?

You saw Wonder Woman the day it opened.

I'm always down for a fight.

Good, maybe we should do something

a little more than protest.

What do you want me to do?

Well, if we want to know where the money's going,

we have to know how much is coming in.

Do you think you could find out how much

- the fundraisers bring in? - Oh, so use my girl power.

I never said that I wasn't into the fight.

I probably have a girl power, too, that I could use.

You want a girl power?

How about a trump card, twat bags?

Are you and Plain watching "how to win at bridge" videos

- on YouTube? - Grace gave us a few tips.

It's just girls working together.

You should support the U-N-I-T-Y.

That's incredibly annoying.

[drumline music playing]

We've lost five games in a row.

What do you think Grace told them?

I think the question is why did Grace tell them?

I mean, the tips are clearly a passive-aggression.

Really? Grace seems kinda mousy for any aggression,

even a passive one.

Maybe she just wants to keep us as new friends.

Madame President doesn't need us anymore.

She has plenty of new friends.

The little mousy is quicker on her feet than you think.

Do you remember in her election speech

when she said, "Candidate Ilo said a few minutes ago

that you don't know me, but you do"?

I mean, I didn't write that. I wrote most of her speech.

But I couldn't have written that part.

That was Grace reacting to Ilo's speech

in the moment, and she crushed it.

All I'm saying is don't sleep on mousy

because a pile of passive aggressions

usually leads to an aggressive aggression.

I'll keep an eye on her, but what should I do

about the other thing while With-a-Y does her thing?

Just protest your face off tomorrow.

I'll see if I can dig up anything tonight.

[girl] That's why soccer works for me.

I have a purpose on the field.

But if I'm standing alone with nothing to do,

I get antsy, and I want to leave.

Please wear pants. Please wear pant-- pants!

Hide your stiff sock

and put your hands where I can see 'em!

Did I actually catch you watching porn this time?

What was it? Plushie?

Time stop. Oh, begging.

Your vast knowledge of weirdo porn is not going unnoticed.

Eh. Birds of a feather. So what are you hiding?

Nothing. I was, you know, logging the Chadwick tapes.

Oh, yeah? Where's the paper?

It was there.

Mm-hmm. Who were you watching?

- Nobody. - Well, you shut that laptop

pretty quickly, so it has to be someone.

It was just this freshman with social anxiety.

It's not a big deal.

Similar to yours, or...

I don't know. She barely says.

Now did you come here to ride me,

or do you actually need something?

So she's a she. Is that why the paper was down?

No, God, no.

Clearly you're hiding something

because you closed the laptop very quickly.

Then when I asked you about it, you said it was a freshman

instead of a freshman girl,

which is a very convenient leave-out.

It's not a convenient leave-out.

You can just say that you're interested in her.

It's cute. What's her name?

Why do I have to tell you her name?

You never talk to me you about Will,

or any other guys, for that matter.

Yeah, because I don't want to make you jealous.

Now who is it?

- Fine, it's Hannah Hampton. - Ilo's sister.

No wonder you didn't want to tell me.

And PS, I tell you way more about me than I do anyone else.

- Including Hurley. - [car approaches]

- Oh, your mom's home. - Using me to get my mom. It's a dick move.

I'm not using you, and speaking of dick moves,

Ilo will totally kick your ass

if he finds out that you're interested in his sister.

- Don't manipulate my mom. - She loves me.

I realize that your primary goal is to keep order in the school,

but you're also a strong, independent woman

and a feminist.

I like to think of myself that way.

And on top of all of that, you're raising a semi-normal son

who I'm sure you want to respect women.

Okay, that's a little heavy-handed, Farrah.

I know I went a little too far with the "semi-normal" bit.

I get what you're driving at.

It's devastating to lose funding

for any art or sports, especially women's sports,

but that's just how school budgets work.

I just don't understand how we could have

a brand-new scoreboard on the football field,

yet we have to cut girls teams altogether.

Well, that scoreboard is used for girls soccer

and field hockey.

I love your passion, but the money just isn't there.

I mean, maybe if more people came out to support

our girls, then we could sell more snacks

at the snack bar and maybe even sell a few tickets.

I know, I go to every single one of the games.

Girls soccer's playing right now.

Then I am late for a game.

- Bye, Farrah. - Bye, Mrs. Cowher.

- Wait. - What?

Who are you? That was not combative at all.

And yet I got all the info that I need.

What info?

I need to know where the buck starts

and where it ends, and neither is with your mom.

- Which means? - Someone else is holding the purse.

Are you really going to a girls soccer game?

- I really am. - Why?

Good luck with Hannah.

Don't ruin your entire sock collection.

[players shouting]

[line out rings]

[Jayne] Hey, Fare.

- Hey. - Working on it.

All good.

I need you to find something else out.

And this requires use of your other special skills.

Okay, what do you need?

- [Plain Jane] What's the story? - I'll call you back.

Do you always deliver your product to the snack bar

while an actual game is going on?

Welcome to Wednesday Night Lights.

- Except it's day. - Right.

No one of consequence is ever here.

So our real water goes here on the left,

and our loaded stuff here on the right.