And then looking back, there are four main lessons I've worked on that have helped me regulate my emotions, improved my quality of life and embody a more mindful me one.

How you talk to yourself can transform your life when you're kind to yourself, forgiving with yourself, encouraging of yourself.

Watch as your life flourishes myself.

Talk used to be incredibly critical, mean and non compassionate.

You're such in English.

Of course, you're sucks so bad.

But when you're aware of yourself talk, you can then improve it.

Now my rule is that I talk to myself the same way that I would talk to a close friend.

Okay, That wasn't your best moment.

But we learned a valuable lesson here that we can implement in the future.

Yeah, Yeah.

I'm glad this happened.

I'm glad this happened.

This was good.

This was good and grateful for this two.

You can't make emotional appointments.

Whatever you're feeling is valid because feelings are fax.

Even if someone had good intentions, if they've said something or done something that has hurt you, you are allowed to feel her.

It's really important to give yourself the space and permission to feel whatever it is that you're feeling so you can process it and move forward.

And though you cannot control your feelings, your reaction to them is something well within your control.

So when conflict inevitably happens, instead of shoving feelings down and letting resentment fester, take a step back, reflect and then talk directly to the person about how they made you feel when you make plans with other people, like right in front of me.

And then you don't invite me out for these plans, I just feel really, like, left out and excluded and like, I'm not important or something.

And so if you're gonna make plans with other people, I would just love it if you could do it in private.

Three boundaries are actually a blessing.

You know, I used to be very uncomfortable with saying no to things, but now I realize that that's incredibly healthy.

If things are too overwhelming, it's okay to communicate that it's okay to say that Hey, this makes me really uncomfortable.

It's okay to speak up about the values that are important to you.

Setting boundaries not only honors yourself But it honors the people in your life because it shows them that you could be honest and up front with them and that you trust that they can handle it.

Hey, so when you jump, like, from the headboard onto my boobs in the middle of the night, it's really disrupting my sleep.

So if you can refrain from doing that, I'm gonna have to close my door when it's bedtime.

You know, I'm sorry.

Okay?

You don't have to be like that for this one is really blow my mind.

Like I had a lot of resistance to this idea.

At first I was like, No, I don't like it.

Are you ready?

We are more hurt by our own expectations of other people than by their actions were more hurt by our own expectations of others than by their actions.

I did not like this idea because I mean, besides the obvious caveats of abusive action, it felt like a little victim blaming.

But then I realized Well, okay, maybe like, I don't like this because something about it resonates with me.

The idea that maybe it wasn't anyone else that was hurting me but myself.

Didn't like that because that means I'm responsible for my own pain and, like who wants to be responsible for their own pain?

But when I really analyzed, like, recent wounds, that guy I ended things with because he wouldn't commit, I was more let down by the potential of a relationship and of our connection growing into something beautiful, a k a.

My expectations.

Then when he decided to reveal that he wanted to keep things more casual and wasn't ready, that friend who I distance myself from because I felt like she wasn't there for me during hard times, I was more disappointed that the level of giving I was extending wasn't reciprocated.

But maybe that's just not in her nature and that job that I almost booked but didn't because the director changed his mind at the last second, I was fully expecting to go in and just be a movie star.

This is a lesson that I also learned about when I was studying Buddhism in my early twenties.

But I think it's one of the hardest ones because the mind likes to plan and my mind loves to plan.

And with planning comes expectations and with expectations, comes the inevitable disappointment when they're not met and, though it's unrealistic to assume, will never have any expectations.

Weaken.

Certainly recognize when our reality isn't lining up to the fantasy in our head of who someone is and what they should dio.

So there you have it for impactful lessons from my last decade of therapy that will be $150.

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