Correctional Training Facility and Soledad Cell number three or six in Hefling on potential yard.

I live in Elk Grove, California Wow, Gays, Minorities Over 7000.

So it's like a 7300 something I've been out of prison for 44 days.

April 20th, 2000 Yesterday on Eldorado Trail, January 1st of this year Ah, law passed called Senate Bill 14 37 which stated that an offender who did not commit an actual murder should not be charged with murder.

Um, we were engaged in robbery on my commitments and our victim was killed by my co defendant.

The law stated that whether you are the actual killer or not, if you were involved in the felony, you were guilty of murder.

And that's what I was convicted.

Under July 27th of 2000 and 19 I was recommended by the secretary of CDCR for 11.

70 d, which is a penal code that states that if a an incarcerated person has demonstrated exceptional behavior while incarcerated than the secretary has the right the authority to recommend that a sentencing for re sentence and vacate that incarcerated persons time and I was awarded that recommendation based on my conduct and present either a fan blowing or CEOs blacking the bar.

Which means taking a metal clanger and claiming the bar to alert inmates that it's time for work.

The first thing I hear is like a It's a It's a bouncing sound.

Imagine a kid bouncing in a crib going A.

The last thing I see is either the prison lights coming through the window or my television, which is I usually put on a sleeper timer so well, not off to that.

The last thing I hear is my wife said, I love you goodnight on a pay phone on the central P R E in my bedroom that I share with my wife.

She's getting further along in her pregnancy, which makes her a little bit less easy to keep comfortable.

See, ifthis is her pregnancy pillow, so I know that there is a very good possibility that something favorable will happen on the ninth.

I expect the themes the judge is going toe is going to rule.

The judge is going to decide if I do in fact qualify for relief under the Senate bill 14 37.

I hope that he finds in my favor.

On September 9th 2019 Judge denied my petition.

He found that the law was actually unconstitutional.

Moreover, he believed that I was a major participant in the crime.

It's challenging because a lot of people I want to encourage me.

And I guess for lack of a better term, excuse me with hope like Oh, man, it's gonna happen.

You're going home.

It's still very surreal.

It's very surreal the possibility that I could be going home soon.

I think initially I felt disappointment a little bit shocked.

I think I think that the shock came from like in my heart.

I believed that I qualified and I had had that.

That sentiment kind of reinforced by a lot of my loved ones and friends who felt that I would be getting relief subjectively like for being the worst thing about being in prison right now is not being a resource that I could be for myself from my son with my wife, my mother left orders objectively speaking, you know, like 20 years of experience in years.

The worst thing about prison is that a culture that prisoners have created is an incredibly alluring temptations for individuals to choose to spare, just believe that they are not capable of doing things.

And it takes really an extraordinary effort to break through that culture and discover that, you know, there are a lot of resources available to you to become the person that you wanna be.

The worst thing about being in prison for me is a sense of helplessness when it comes to being able to care for people I love.

I'm literally unable to help my wife around the house.

I am literally unable to one of the most like, paralyzing experiences for me was something so simple is hearing my son cry over the phone and not being able to pick him up and hold him.

So an overwhelming sense of powerless to powerlessness to me, um, to be there for the people who I care about, Um, that's the hardest part of prison.

There are aspects of the culture that are are challenging.

For sure, it's a It's a daily challenge to keep a positive perspective when you're surrounded by a context of negativity, and largely that's true.

That's largely true in prison.

That's a challenge.

It's a challenge to wake up and say, Well, I'm going to do something positive with my day.

My wife is a very realistic moment.

You know, She came back into my life eight years ago.

We got married five years ago, and she chose to be with me, support me to be on inside nonetheless, So she's hopeful.

At the same time she protects herself from, you know, extreme pain by appreciating the reality that until it happens, I'm still in prison.

She didn't think like that.

She doesn't think like that anymore.

Excited about the future.

Now she's more like I can't wait for what's next.

Until very recently, people who were sentenced to life terms in prison were not eligible for family visits.

When she married me, I still had another 10 years at least to do in prison before they would think about paroling me.

The only thing we had waas periodic regular visit coming into a space of visiting room Uh huh, and sharing it with 200 to 300 other people sitting at a like a picnic table, always under the supervision of multiple cameras.

Always watching you always monitoring behavior.

My parents, my son being born.

The biggest thing that's happened in my life.

I was released from prison on April 2nd.

I mean, the answer would be the birth of Jackson.

But that's over a year, and Tristan isn't here yet.

The fact that both of my sons were conceived while I was incarcerated in a 46 hour window once every three months.

So that's like a miracle in itself.

Eight mark, three months old.

My son was born on January 11th, 2019.

So he is 15 months and some change.

Last weekend, I'll get 26 this morning.

When I dropped him off a daycare, he didn't want to let me go That I love you.

Uh, from now, what would I tell my son?

Well, I'm so grateful for today and all the days to come.

Can I get to be in your life?

He'll be too.

Be a good brother.

I want to take into the beach for sure.

We hear from our I want to expose him to new environment.

At a early age.

It would be like potty training because I'm tired of changing diapers, but I don't know.

I don't even know if that's right in the timeline.

My son.

He's the greatest thing I've ever done in my life.

Without a doubt.

Asi faras like literally objective accomplishments.

How we have to say my master's thesis for my master's degree in philosophy.

It was the most, um, exhaustive piece of work I've ever done.

And I was very proud of myself for seeing it all the way through.

Such a scarce resource is available when I look at you know, my degrees or, uh, you know, senatorial recognition, my certifications when I look at having my sentence commuted by the governor of California.

I mean, it's incredible documents, but none of that comes even close to my boys.

Yes, I dio have several.

I'm pretty much I feel done with school.

But I do have this, like, far off, uh, dream, I guess.

I don't know fantasy.

Perhaps, I dare say, a vision of retiring in my sixties, going back to school and receiving my PhD writing some type of dissertation about all these years of work that not only that I've done in prison, but that I will continue to do for the next 20 years at least.

Porter.

We married housing clerk artery, but I would say we need is the official title.

I am the director of restorative programs for the crop organization Crop Organization.

Um, it stands for creating restorative opportunities and programs.

It's a nonprofit with the mission of transforming the culture of prison and helping to redefine the purpose of prison in America.

How people relate to each other.

When I came to prison, I had a Nokia cell phone that the coolest feature on it was the fact that you could take off the front of it could change the way it looked.

A social media and, ah, lot of the technology that is available stages working around back then in 1999.

So, um, I have heard, and I suspect that the way people relate to one another is is very different.

So I'm curious to see how I'm going to adjust.

I mean, I'm used to being in conversation with people looking them in behind Uh huh.

And I'm I'm very curious if if I'm gonna seem strange, like I don't fit in with the way things are in contemporary fine today.

How good of a driver I am.

I know it sounds That might sound stupid, but it's true.

I mean, just being a passenger in the car, when we do go places, I wonder like, am I gonna be a good driver?

Because that my experience is that so many people aren't my wife included it way have to entertain you.

I'm not sure I know that.

Yesterday I got a notification on my phone saying my screen time was down.

Uh, like it was like it 2.5 hours.

So I don't know if that's a good number or not, but I guess we could We could round it up to three, three times 7 21 hours a week.

And I mean, the most amazing thing to me is Google.

I know that might sound weird, but the fact that I can just type in any question I have or or speak it in rather and it's right there that's amazing to me, like literally the it seems like pretty close to the depth and breadth of human knowledge is available in a search engine.

I'll go back to my housing units and I will shower.

I will check in with my supervisors, see if there's anything that needs to be done in the wings.

Uh, sporadic conversations with a small group of friends that I keep and I'll have dinner and then I'll go to get what time is it was 4 16.

I'm gonna go get my son off my wife and put on Motel Magic.

It's the first thing he does when he wakes up, and he is the last thing he does when he goes to sleep.

So I'll get my boy and enjoy the rest of my evening with him and my wife.