You look great, bud. Thanks so much

for coming on the show, and actually I want to thank you

for coming on the show back when we first started doing

the show from home, from the -- where we started the quarantine,

early in the quarantine. -Yeah, you weren't in a good way

when the quarantine started. I remember.

You were like -- I was like, "He better get back to work soon."

You were like, "How long am I going to have to stay home?"

-[ Laughs ] -I mean, seriously.

I remember getting off of our Zoom and I was like,

"Oh, he's not going to like this.

He's not liking quarantine at all."

-That was challenging, man. But I did -- now I look back

and I go, "Oh, yeah, I think it was fun, the home shows."

But I don't remember them really.

It just like -- just happened so fast.

It was just me -- it was Nancy and I.

There was no one -- could I say me and Nancy?

Just me and Nancy.

-It's just Nancy and me

is really what you should be saying.

I mean, I hate to constantly go over grammar with you.

It's exhausting.

-We just started the interview. That's one.

-I know. -I get three strikes.

-In this interview, you get three strikes.

In our history -- -In our history, oh, forget it.

I'm already -- oh, please. Are you kidding me?

I'm awful. I'm bad with that.

I've got to figure that out. Next time I talk to you,

you can test me on grammar and see if I'm getting better.

-All right, that sounds like a fair shake. Thank you.

-That sounds like a really exciting part of the interview.

-Yeah, it sounds like an episode people are going to be

dying to see. [ Laughs ]

-"Oh, did see the Chelsea Grammar episode?"

-Chelsea -- [ Laughs ] Chelsea Grammar.

I can team up with Kelsey Grammer

and we can both double team you on your grammar.

-Do you have your Halloween costume yet?

If not, you could be Chelsea Grammar.

-That's it. -I'm just saying.

Are you a Halloween person? I feel like you were

and now you're not.

-It's weird that you would think that,

but I'm not into dressing up.

I feel like it's degrading.

You know what I mean? -Yeah.

-I'm not into costumes. You're a good sport,

and I don't have a good sport attitude.

I'm kind of like a Scrooge when it comes to people telling me

what to do on a certain day of the year.

I take offense to that.

[ Laughter ]

It's like Christmas, "No, don't tell me

when I'm supposed to give my friends and family gifts

and celebrate something I don't even believe in."

-I agree with you about that. Don't tell me what you want

for Christmas. That's the whole idea --

No, I'm giving a gift. I'm just giving

and either you take it or you go, 'Wow, okay.'"

-Yeah. -You get what you get.

-This Christmas is going to be different because like --

you know, like you, I spend a lot of time with my family.

But I spent a lot of time, they descended upon my house

when quarantine started.

My sister, Simone, who I used to like a lot more,

and her three children.

They lived with me for two months.

And that was, you know, wonderful to see my house

being used in that way.

But it was a lot of time with children that I chose

not to have on my own, you know?

So it felt like, wait a second, I made the right decisions

in my life, yet I'm being punished.

And then over the summer,

we went on like a two-week family vacation

with my entire family. -Aww.

-And with all my nieces and nephews.

So for Christmas, they're like, "What's the plan for Christmas?"

And we usually go for Canada.

I'm like, "We can't get into Canada this year

because we're pariahs.

We can't go skiing."

I said, "So I guess everyone's

on their own this year for COVID."

You know, we already had the vacation at Martha's Vineyard.

And my brother actually had the audacity to say to me,

"What about you coming East and we all go skiing in Vermont?"

I go, "I don't think you're getting the message.

I'm not celebrating Christmas with you guys, okay?

I want to be alone." -No.

You're like, "I don't go to you, we go to a place.

But I'm not gonna go -- what are we --"

I think you're going to go.

-I'm not going to Vermont. I'm not.

-Turns out I don't know you at all.

-No, you don't. It doesn't seem like --

The more we talk, the less it seems like you know.

-I've read the books, I've seen the specials, I watch the show.

I've watched -- I've seen everything, the whole --

the evolution.

I'm not segueing yet, but the evolution of your career.

I've been there. We're getting close.

-You have. -I have the long setup.

So I say "evolution,"

then eventually we'll get to the setup.

But not yet. -Okay, should I just wait here?

Should I just wait here? -Yes.

You should just wait there. I was thinking,

is my grammar correct on that?

You're very open about how therapy has helped you

become a more patient person in some ways.

Is that something that you have to work on

all the time and still do? -Well, yes.

I mean, for sure. If I could learn

how to get a handle on my patience, anyone can.

And you know, you think you're doing well, like I -- you know,

I'm making a lot of improvements, I'm less reactive.

But when I came home this last trip,

I had been gone for like two months.

I went and shot my special, I went on my family vacation,

then I rented a house in Maine for a couple weeks.

And I came home and my assistant had had all the decks

painted black, dark, dark black.

Paint on my wood, my Ipe wood, and my house.

And this is -- and I think, you know, like "Oh, I'm reasonable.

I'm a rational person."

I walked outside, saw my -- and my decks, and my house,

and compass, everything.

And I went off.

I was like, "How could you think

that I would think that this would look good?

Black paint!" I go, "It's too hot to even walk on.

The dogs are going to scald their little baby paws."

And then -- I couldn't believe it.

I go, "How could you think I would like paint?"

-Yes. -"How could you paint wood?

And how could paint it this color?"

-"Am I a person that looks like they like painted wood?

Don't you know me?" -Yeah, and I looked --

And I'm like -- oh -- as soon as it's out

and I'm screaming and saying these words

and being such a small person and I'm worried about

my stupid decks when we're in the middle of a pandemic,

I was like, "Shut up, shut up, shut up,

you're being a bitch. Shut up, shut up.

Stop talking! Stop talking."

And I'm like, you think you're all, you know, fixed or better

and then you have a slip-up like that,

and that was really embarrassing.

I had to apologize to my assistant

'cause I had an outburst like I hadn't had in years.

So it's a work in progress.

-Yeah, I have to call your therapist,

'cause I have the same problem.

Did you -- let's get into something that's less stressful.

Did you watch the debate last night?

[ Light laughter ]

-You know what? I took myself out to dinner

instead of watching the debate,

because I've heard that idiot talk for four years

and I don't need to hear him say another word.

-[ Laughs ]

-I mean, seriously. My blood pressure,

you can already tell when I get enervated.

It's not good for anybody. -No.

-So I can't watch him talk. No, thanks.

-I think -- -And you know --

-Go.

-You heard about my ex-boyfriend, right?

50 Cent and his support of Donald Trump?

How he tweeted about it. -Yeah, what's going on?

I saw your tweets and I go, "Wait, what's happening?"

'Cause you said he was your favorite ex-boyfriend.

And then he -- what does he do? He's supporting Trump?

-He says he doesn't want to pay 62% of taxes,

which by the way, isn't a plan of Joe Biden's.

That's a lie.

So he doesn't want to pay 62% of taxes

because he doesn't want to go from being 50 Cent to 20 Cent.

And I -- and I had to remind him that he was a black person,

so he can't vote for Donald Trump

and that he shouldn't be influencing

an entire swath of people who may listen to him

because he's worried about his own personal pocketbook.

So I haven't heard back from him yet, but I am willing to,

you know, seal the deal in more ways than one

if he changes his mind

and publicly denounces Donald Trump.

I might be willing to go for another spin,

if you know what I'm talking about.