DID YOU GUYS WATCH LAST NIGHT?

REGGIE, DID YOU SEE IT?

>> Reggie: I DID.

>> James: YEAH?

WHAT DID YOU THINK?

>> Reggie: IT WAS ALARMINGLY MELLOW.

>> James: IT WAS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE?

IT REMEANED ME OF A TIME THAT WE WERE GOING, I THINK ABOUT 13,

AND WE WERE GOING TO MY AUNTIE MARILYN'S AND I HAD BEEN QUITE

BADLY BEHAVED THE LAST TIME WE WERE THERE, RIGHT, AND I CAN

REMEMBER SO VIVIDLY, AND I ONLY REMEMBER IT WATCHING THE DEBATE

MY MOM GOING, NOW, NO MORE OF WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

YOU'RE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.

ANY MESSING AROUND, ANY CHATBACK, ARGUING, FIGHTING,

THAT'S IT, WE'LL JUST GO.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

I SAID, YES.

AND THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE, I WAS, THANK YOU, AUNTIE,

MARILYN.

AUNTIE MARILYN, IS THERE ANY CHANCE I COULD HAVE A CUP OF

TEA?

THANK YOU, AUNTIE MARILYN, I REALTY APPRECIATE IT.

THAT'S WHAT THE TWO OF THEM LOOKED LIKE ON THE STAGE.

THEY'D BOTH BEEN TOLD OFF.

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> James: I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHO THAT DEBATE WAS FOR.

MORE THAN 47 MILLION AMERICAN VOTERS HAVE ALREADY VOTED.

WHO HASN'TMADE THEIR MIND UP?

I THINK PEOPLE ACTUALLY VOTED EARLY JUST SO THEY DIDN'T HAVE

TO WATCH THAT FINAL DEBATE.

WATCHING THE AT THE BAIT?

NO, I'VE SENT MINE IN.

I'LL BE WATCHING THE GIANTS-EAGLES GAME.

HAVE A GOOD ONE.

IT WAS FOR THE ONE REMAINING UNDECIDED VOTER.

I CAN TELL YOU HIS NAME IS CRAIG, HE LIVES IN DENVER, AND

FUNNY FACT ABOUT CRAIG, HE IS AN (BLEEP).

( LAUGHTER ) LET'S TALK ABOUT THE DEBATE.

IT STARTED OUT PRETTY CIVIL WITH BOTH TRUMP AND BIDEN STAYING ON

TOPIC.

THE FIRST SUBJECT WAS THE CORONAVIRUS EPIDEMIC WHICH LED

TO THIS EXCHANGE -- >> WE'RE ABOUT TO GO INTO DARK

WINTER, A DARK WINTER, AND EHE HAS NO CLEAR PLAN AND THERE'S NO

PROSPECT THAT THERE'S GOING TO BE A VACCINE AVAILABLE FOR THE

MAJORITY OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE BEFORE THE MIDDLE OF NEXT YEAR.

>> PRESIDENT TRUMP, YOUR REACTION, HE SAYS YOU HAVE NO

PLAN.

>> I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A DARK WINTER AT ALL.

>> James: THESE GUYS ARE SO EMO.

DARK WINTER SOUNDS LIKE AN "AVENGERS" MOVIE OR A SEQUEL TO

"THE HUNGER GAMES" THAT WILL NEVER BE IN THEATERS BECAUSE TO

HAVE THE DARK WINTER.

( LAUGHTER ) IT'S ACTUALLY GOING TO BE A

FAIRLY WELL LIT WINTER BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE STUCK

INSIDE.

FOR ANY YOUNGER VIEWERS, WHEN I SAY WELL LIT, I DON'T MEAN THE

WAY YOU MEAN LIT.

( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW, TIM KNOWS.

( LAUGHTER ) TIM'S THE POINT REFERENCE

WHENEVER I WANT TO GO, TIM, ONE OF THE YOUNG HIP AND GROOVY

GANG GOING FOR.

AND HE'LL COME BACK GOING, OH, HE'S, LIKE, FLOSSING IN THE

CORNER AND -- ( LAUGHTER )

AT ONE POINT, PRESIDENT TRUMP WENT ON THE ATTACK AND ACCUSED

BIDEN OF HIDING FROM COVID IN HIS BASEMENT.

>> WE'RE LEARNING TO LIVE WIT.

WE CAN'T LOCK OURSELVES UP IN THE BASEMENT LIKE JOE DOES.

HE'S OBVIOUSLY MADE A LOT OF MONEY SOMEPLACE, BUT HE HAS THIS

THING ABOUT LIVING IN A BASEMENT.

PEOPLE CAN'T DO THAT.

BY THE WAY, I, AS THE PRESIDENT, COULD DON'T THAT.

I'D LOVE TO PUT MYSELF IN THE BASEMENT OR IN A BEAUTIFUL ROOM

IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND GO AWAY FOR A YEAR AND A HALF UNTILT IT

DISAPPEARS.

>> James: YEAH, WE WOULD LOVE IT, TOO!

IMAGINE TRUMP DISAPPEARING LIKE THAT.

AFTER HE SAID THAT, EVEN MELANIA LOOKED UP FROM HER MAGAZINE.

( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP SAID HE'D LOVE TO HIDE IN

THE BASEMENT FOR A YEAR.

BUT I GUESS HE'LL HAVE TO MAKE DUE WITH HIDING ON A GOLF COURSE

FOR BASICALLY THREE YEARS.

( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THE NIGHT STARTED OFF A

LITTLE SLOW, BUT THEN JOE BIDEN REALIZED EXACTLY WHO HE IS.

>> HE'S A VERY CONFUSED GUY.

HE THINKS HE'S RUNNING AGAINST SOMEBODY ELSE.

HE'S RUNNING AGAINST JOE BIDEN.

I BEAT ALL THOSE OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE I DISAGREED WITH THEM.

JOE BIDEN HE'S RUNNING AGAINST.

>> James: JOE BIDEN.

BIG BABY B.

THE BIG MAN.

THE SULTAN OF SLEEP.

COME ON, MY GUY!

EITHER JOE BIDEN FOUND HIS FIGHTING SPIRIT OR HE FORGET

THAT HE'S JOE BIDEN, BUT EITHER WAY, I'M PUMPED!

AT ONE POINT, THOUGH, TRUMP WENT AFTER BIDEN'S SON, HUNTER, AND

IMPLIED THAT BIDEN HIMSELF WAS INVOLVED IN SOMETHING UNETHICAL.

>> TO EVEN HAVE A STATEMENT THAT WE HAVE TO GIVE 10% TO THE BIG

MAN.

YOU'RE THE BIG MAN, I THINK.

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU'RE NOT.

BUT YOU'RE THE BIG MAN, I THINK.

>> James: THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

ANYTIME ANYONE -- THE ONLY TIME ANYONE USES THE PHRASE BIG MAN

IS IF THEY FORGET SOMEONE'S NAME.

YEAH, HOW YOU DOING, BIG MAN, BIG FELLA, TIM, REGGIE, BIG

( BLEEP ) PLAYER.

( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T THINK JOE BIDEN IS THE

BIG MAN.

NO ONE LOOKS AT JOE BIDEN AND CALLS HIM THE BIG MAN.

IF I WAS GOING TO CALL HIM THAT, I WOULD CALL HIM, LIKE, SLICK,

NIGHT TIGER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: THAT'S GOOD.

>> James: TRUMP TRIED TO PORTRAY HIMSELF AS BEING TOUGH

ON RUSSIA SAYING THE UKRAINE ASKED FOR WEAPONS TO DEFEND

ITSELF FROM RUSSIA BUT OBAMA AND BIDEN GAVE THEM SOMETHING ELSE

INSTEAD.

>> I SOLD WHILE HE WAS SELLING PILLOWS AND SHEETS, I TOLD TANK

BUSTERS TO UKRAINE.

THERE HAS BEEN NOBODY TOUGHER ON RUSSIA THAN DONALD TRUMP.

>> James: AND IF YOU'RE INTERESTED ON PILLOWS AND SHEETS

IT'S AVAILABLE AT HIS NEW OUTLET STORE BED, BIDEN AND BEYOND.

( LAUGHTER ) ONE OF THE BIG JAW DROPPING

MOMENTS TO HAVE THE NIGHT IS WHEN TRUMP SAID THIS.

>> NOBODY HAS DONE MORE FOR THE BLACK COMMUNITY THAN DONALD

TRUMP, AND IF YOU LOOK, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN,

POSSIBLE EXCEPTION, BUT THE EXCEPTION OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN --

>> James: WOW.

THE HUMILITY.

IT'S A TOSSUP, ABRAHAM LINCOLN ENDED SLAVERY, DONALD TRUMP --

MET KANYE THAT ONE TIME.

( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW, TRUMP SAYS NOBODY HAS

DONE MORE FOR THE BLACK COMMUNITY, AND YOU CAN SEE THIS

BY HOW MUCH THE BLACK COMMUNITY COMES OUT TO SUPPORT TRUMP AT

HIS RALLIES.

( LAUGHTER ) BUT TRUMP DIDN'T START THIS.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER HE HAD THIS TO SAY.

>> I AM THE LEAST RACIST PERSON.

I CAN'T EVEN SEE THE AUDIENCE BECAUSE IT'S SO DARK, BUT I

DON'T CARE WHO'S IN THE AUDIENCE, I'M THE LEAST RACIST

PERSON IN THAT ROOM.

>> James: THAT ROOM MUFFIN PRETTY DARK BECAUSE HE COULD

UPPT SEE THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN MODERATOR TEN FEET IN FRONT OF

HIM.

THE LEAST RACIST PERSON IN THE ROOM.

THAT WOULD ONLY BE TRUE IF HE WAS IN A SINGLE-STALL BATHROOM.

DONALD TRUMP, JR. WAS AT THE DEBATE MEANING DO DONALD TRUMP

ISN'T EVEN THE LEAST RACIST PERSON IN THAT ROOM.

THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE WHO ARE RACIST DO, THEY COMPARE HOW NOT

RACIST THEY ARE.

THEN THEY GOT INTO THE ISSUE OF CLIMATE CHANGE, AND TRUMP

PAINTED A PICTURE OF...

SOME BIZARRE ARCHITECTURE.

TAKE A LOOK.

>> WHEN HE SAYS BUILDINGS, I WANT TO TAKE THE BUILDINGS DOWN■

BECAUSE I WANT TO MAKE BIGGER WINDOWS INTO SMALLER WINDOWS.

IF YOU HAD NO WINDOW, IT WOULD BE A FUNNY THING.

>> JAMES: I GOT TO HAND IT TO TRUMP.

THAT'S A FUNNY IMAGE.

BIG BUILDING, LITTLE WINDOWS-- THAT'S JUST CLASSIC COMEDY.

BUT THERE'S A VERY SIMPLE REASON WHY TRUMP IS AFRAID OF TINY

WINDOWS.

THE MOST COMMON PLACE YOU FIND THEM IS IN A PRISON.

TINY WINDOWS?

>> Reggie: JAIL.

>> James: THAT'S RIGHT, IN JAIL, IN PRISON.

REGGIE, I WILL GIVE YOU $100 IF YOU CAN EXPLAIN WHAT TRUMP WAS

TALKING ABOUT.

>> Reggie: I THINK, UH, HE'S TALKING ABOUT IN THE '80s,

WHEN THERE WAS A MANDATE BY FEDERAL LOCAL INSTITUTES SUCH AS

SCHOOLS TO MAKE THEM MORE ENERGY EFFICIENT, THEY TOOK AWAY

PROBABLY 60% TO 70% OF THE WINDOW SIZE, AND IT WAS VERY

TINY AND KIND OF DEPRESSING AND NOW WE SEE A REVERSAL ON THAT

TREND.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: HERE'S THE THING

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: HERE'S THE THING

ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAW, RIGHT, NUMBER ONE, REGGIE WATTS,

SMARTEST GUY IN THE ROOM AND, NUMBER TWO, NOT ONE OTHER PERSON

IN THIS ROOM KNOWS WHETHER THAT'S RIGHT OR NOT.

( LAUGHTER ) AND WHAT WE'VE ALL DONE IS GO --

( LAUGHTER ) SOUNDS CONVINCING.

TRUMP THEN HAD THIS TO SAY ABOUT WIND.

>> WE'RE ENERGY DEPENDENT.

I KNOW MORE ABOUT WIND THAN YOU DO.

>> James: OKAY, EASY THERE CAPTAIN PLANET.

YOU KNOW WHY TRUMP DOES KNOW MORE ABOUT WIND?

FULL OF HOT AIR!

HIT ME, GUILLERMO!

( RIM SHOT ) ♪

♪ ♪

♪ >> James: SO THAT'S IT!

THAT IS IT, GUYS.

NO MORE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES.

WEWERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THREE, WE ENDED UP WITH TWO, ONE WAS

ILL BEHAVED, NASTY AND OFF THE RAILS, THEOUT WAS BORING, IT

BASICALLY SUMS UP BOTH TO HAVE THE CANDIDATES.

AND, NOW, AMERICA, IT'S UP TO YOU.