♪ ♪ ♪ >> WELCOME BACK.

歡迎回來。

IF YOU'RE JUST JOINING US, I'M SAM WATERSTON.

如果你剛加入我們，我是薩姆-沃特斯頓。

AND IF YOU'RE JUST JOINING US NOW, HELLO, I'M SAM WATERSTON.

如果你現在剛加入我們，你好，我是薩姆・沃斯頓。

SO FAR, WE HAVE SEEN STEPHEN COLBERT VALIANTLY COVER THE

到目前為止，我們已經看到了斯蒂芬-科爾伯特（STEPHEN COLBERT）的忠實報道。

CHAOTIC EARLY DAYS OF THIS CAMPAIGN.

這場宣傳活動的早期階段是混亂的。

BUT WE NOW TURN TO-- ( "LAW & ORDER THEME SONG )

但我們現在轉向-- （"法律與秩序主題曲 "播放）

OH, SORRY.

哦，對不起。

I SHOULD TAKE THIS.

我應該採取這種。

HELLO?

你好？

>> Stephen: HEY, SAM WATERSTON.

>> Stephen:嘿，薩姆・沃斯頓。

>> STEPHEN!

>> 史蒂芬！

>> Stephen: YEAH, I JUST TURNED ON MY TV, AND I SEE YOU'RE DOING

>> 是的，我剛剛打開我的電視，我看到你正在做的。

SOME KIND OF CLIP SHOW EPISODE OF MY SHOW, OR SOMETHING?

某種類型的剪輯顯示我的節目的情節，或什麼？

>> YOU GOT IT, BIG GUY.

>> 你明白了，大塊頭。

>> Stephen: TONIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A RERUN.

>> Stephen:今晚應該是重播。

I DON'T KNOW WHO SIGNED OFF ON THIS OR WHO EVEN LET YOU IN THE

我不知道是誰籤的字，也不知道是誰讓你進來的。

BUILDING DURING COVID, BUT I DID NOT AGREE TO--

建設期間的COVID，但我不同意 -

>> OOPS, DROPPED CALL.

>> OOPS, DROPPED CALL.

ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING, WE NOW TURN TO STEPHEN COLBERT'S

總之，正如我所說的，我們現在來談談史蒂芬-柯爾伯特的...

MONOLOGUES FROM MARCH OF THIS YEAR.

今年3月的獨白。

THIS WAS WHEN THE CORONAVIRUS TOOK COLD IN AMERICA, FORCING

這是當冠狀病毒採取冷在美國，迫使

PEOPLE TO QUARANTINE IN THEIR HOMES.

人們在家中進行檢疫。

AND COLBERT WAS FACED WITH THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE OF HIS

科爾伯特面臨著他最大的挑戰。

PROFESSIONAL LIFE: DOING MONOLOGUE JOKES WITHOUT A TIE.

職業生活：不打領帶的單口相聲笑話。

TAKE A LOOK.

看看吧

DA-DA-DA-DOO-DOO.

DA-DA-DA-DAO-DOO-DOO。

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

>> Stephen:嘿，大家好！

HI!

嗨！

WELCOME TO MY BATHROOM.

歡迎來到我的浴室。

I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

YOU'RE WATCHING A VERY SPECIAL SOCIAL DISTANCING EDITION OF

您正在觀看的是一個非常特殊的社會遠距離版本的

"THE LATE SHOW"."

"晚間秀"。

THE BIG STORY TONIGHT IS, ALL OF YOU PEOPLE, PEOPLE ALL OVER

今晚的大新聞是，你們這些人，世界各地的人

AMERICA HAVE HUNKERED DOWN IN THEIR OWN HOUSES TO RIDE OUT THE

美國人已經蜷縮在自己的房子裡乘涼了。

CORONAVIRUS.

CORONAVIRUS：

THE C.D.C. IS SAYING THIS MIGHT GO ON FOR THE NEXT EIGHT WEEKS,

C. D. C. 說這可能會持續到未來八週。

SO GET COMFORTABLE.

所以得到舒適的。

TRY TO LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE-- YOU'RE FINALLY GOING TO GET A

試著往好的方面想... 你終於會得到一個...

CHANCE TO BINGE WATCH ALL THAT TOILET PAPER YOU BOUGHT.

有機會去看你買的所有紙巾。

AND YOU BETTER WATCH IT, JACK.

你最好小心點，傑克。

BECAUSE I'M COMING FOR IT.

因為我是衝著它來的。

I DID NOT PLAN WELL.

我沒有計劃好。

I AM COMING TO YOU FROM "THE LATE SHOW'S"ITARY" SET.

我從 "晚間秀 "的 "伊塔裡 "節目組來找你。

THE ED SULLIVAN MY HOUSE.

ED SULLIVAN MY HOUSE.

PLUS, NOW I'VE GOT TO WASH THE MONKEY'S 53 FOR 20 SECONDS.

還有，現在我得把那隻猴子的53號洗20秒。

BIDEN PLANS TO CONTINUE CAMPAIGNING VIRTUALLY FROM HOME.

比登計劃繼續在家中進行競選活動。

IT MAKES SENSE-- YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING: IF IT AIN'T BROKE,

有道理，你知道那句老話：如果它沒有壞，

DON'T FIX IT.

不要修復它。

AND IF IT IS BROKE AND RISING IN THE POLLS, LOCK IT IN THE

如果它是破產的，並在民意調查中上升，鎖定它在。

BASEMENT.

地下室：

REPORTEDLY, THE REASON TRUMP WANTED THIS MEANINGFUL PHOTO IS

報道稱，特朗普想要這張意義非凡的照片的原因是。

BECAUSE HE WAS UPSET BY COVERAGE OF THE FACT THAT HE HAD BEEN

因為他對自己被報道的事實感到不安。

RUSHED TO THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER ONED FROM NIGHT.

從晚上趕到地下碉堡。

ONE PROBLEM: THERE WAS A CROWD OF PEACEFUL PROTESTERS IN THE

有一個問題：有一群和平的抗議者，他們是在 "大馬士革 "中的和平示威者。

WAY.

辦法。

SO HE HAD MILITARY POLICE OPEN FIRE WITH RUBBER BULLETS, FLASH

所以他讓軍警用橡皮子彈和閃光彈開火。

GRENADE AND TEAR GAS.

等級和催淚瓦斯。

NOT ONLY IS THAT A HORRIFIC HORR ABUSE OF THE OFFICE OF THE

這不僅是一個可怕的濫用辦公室

PRESIDENCY AND OUR MILITARY.

總統和我們的軍隊。

THE TEAR GAS IS COMPLETE UNNECESSARY.

催淚瓦斯是完全沒有必要的。

WHEN PEOPLE SEE TRUMP WALKING TOWARD THEM DOWN THE STREET,

當人們看到特朗普在大街上向他們走來時，

THEY NATURALLY CRY AND VOMIT.

他們自然會哭泣和發洩。

IF TRUMP IS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO BLAME, HE SHOULD CHECK OUT

如果特朗普想找人指責，他應該去看看。

HIS REFLECTION IN THE RIOT SHIELDS, BECAUSE THAT NEW POLL

他在防暴棚裡的反思，因為新的民意調查。

ALSO SAYS 61% DISAPPROVEOF HIS HANDLING OF THE PROTESTS.

又說61%的人不贊成他對抗議活動的處理。

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

這是不公平的。

HE'S HANDLING THEM JUST AS WELL AS HE HANDLES A BIBLE.

他處理他們就像處理聖經一樣好。

THIS DELAY IN THE RESULTS DOES NOT BODY WELL FOR NOVEMBER.

這種延遲的結果不適合11月。

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT FEELING YOU HAD BETWEEN 9:00 P.M. AND

因為你知道你在晚上9點到9點之間的那種感覺。

MIDNIGHT ON ELECTION NIGHT?

選舉當晚的午夜？

GT READY TO BE THAT DRUNK FOR FIVE DAYS.

GT準備好喝上五天。

THE POINT IS THIS ELECTION IS NOT GOING TO BE A SPRINT.

重點是，這次選舉不會是一次衝刺。

IT'S GOING TO BE A MARATHON IN THAT BEFORE IT'S OVER, YOU'RE

這將是一個馬拉松比賽，在結束之前，你將是

GOING TO BE POOPING YOUR PANTS AND YOUR NIPPLES ARE GOING TO BE

會是你的褲子和你的NIPPLES會是尿褲子的

BLEEDING.

流血。

I'M BACK IN NEW YORK CITY, AS YOU CAN SEE, LOOK.

我回到了紐約市，你可以看到，看。

IT'S NEW YORK.

這是紐約。

RIGHT THERE.

就在那裡。

HERE, IN THE HISTORIC ED SULLIVAN THEATER'S OFFICE

在這裡，在歷史悠久的ED SULLIVAN劇院辦公室裡

BUILDING.

建築物：

I GOT-- I GOT MY DESK CALENDAR RIGHT HERE.

我有... 我有我的檯曆就在這裡。

MARCH 12.

3月12日：

JUST LEFT IT RIGHT HERE, HAVEN'T CHANGED IT SINCE WE LEFT.

只是把它留在這裡，還沒有改變它 自從我們離開。

THAT WAS THE LAST NIGHT, RIGHT, MARCH 12, IN THE STUDIO?

那是3月12日在工作室的最後一晚，對嗎？

THERE IT IS.

在那裡，它是。

OKAY?

好嗎？

I'LL JUST-- I'LL UPDATE THAT RIGHT NOW.

我只是... ... 我將更新，現在。

OKAY.

好的。

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE...

我不知道這裡發生了什麼... ...

( LAUGHTER ) OKAY THAT-- THAT-- THAT FEELS

（笑）好吧，那 - 那 - 那感覺

ABOUT RIGHT.

關於權利。

FEELS ABOUT RIGHT.

感覺是對的。

THIS IS AN HISTORIC ANNOUNCEMENT BECAUSE HARRIS IS THE FIRST

這是一個歷史性的公告，因為HARRIS是第一個

BLACK WOMAN AND THE FIRST PERSON OF INDIAN DESCENT TO BE

黑人婦女和第一個成為印第安人後裔的人：

NOMINATED FOR NATIONAL OFFICE BY A MAJOR PARTY.

被一個主要政黨提名為國家官員。

SO TRUMP'S GOING TO HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING EXACTLY HOW TO BE

是以，特朗普將有一個艱難的時期決定究竟如何成為

RACIST ABOUT HER.

她有種族歧視

"I DEMAND TO SEE BOTH OF HER BIRTHDAY CERTIFICATES."

"我要求看她的兩個生日證書"

>> SHE WAS EXTRAORDINARILY NASTY.

>> 她是非常討厭的。

SHE WAS NASTY TO A LEVEL THAT WAS JUST A HORRIBLE THING.

她是討厭的程度，這只是一個可怕的事情。

SHE WAS PROBABLY NASTIER-- SHE WAS VERY, VERY NASTY.

她可能是討厭的... ... 她是非常，非常討厭的。

>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD!

>> Stephen:哦，我的上帝！

HOW LAZY ARE YOU?

你有多懶？

YOU'RE JUST REPEATING WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT HILLARY.

你只是在重複你對希拉里的評價。

YOU'RE STUCK IN 2016, AND THAT'S NOT FAIR.

你在2016年陷入困境，這不公平。

WHY SHOULD YOU BE THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO LIVE IN A TIME WHEN

為什麼只有你能生活在這樣一個時代？

YOU'RE NOT PRESIDENT!

你不是總統！

ONE PERSON TRUMP THINKS HARRIS WAS PARTICULARLY NASTY TO IS HER

特朗普認為哈里斯特別討厭的一個人就是她。

NEW RUNNING MATE.

新跑友。

>> SHE SAID THINGS DURING THE DEBATES, DURING THE DEMOCRAT

>> 她在辯論期間說了些什麼，在民主黨人的時候

PRIMARY DEBATES THAT WERE HORRIBLE ABOUT SLEEPY JOE, AND I

關於《可愛的喬伊》的可怕的初選辯論，而我...

WOULD THINK THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE PICKED HER.

我還以為他不會選擇她。

>> Stephen: IT IS TRUE.

>> Stephen:它是真實的。

DURING THE DEBATES, KAMALA HARRIS SPANKED BIDEN, AND TRUMP

在辯論期間，卡馬拉-哈里斯打了比登和特朗普的屁股。

WOULD NEVER WORK WITH A WOMAN WHO DID THAT TO HIM FOR FREE.

我絕不會和一個免費對他做這種事的女人合作。

FOLKS, FOR FOUR YEARS, WE'VE LOOKED ON IN HORROR AS DONALD

夥計們，四年來，我們一直驚恐地看著唐納德的表演

TRUMP TORE DOWN EVERY NORM IN AMERICAN LIFE FROM THE

特朗普撕毀了美國生活中的一切規範，從

CONSTITUTION TO ENGLISH SYNTAX TO THE DEFINITION OF FOOD

《食品定義的英文同義詞》章程

PYRAMID.

PYRAMID：

WELL, TONIGHT, TONIGHT THE DEMOCRATS BEGIN WHAT JOE BIDEN

今晚，今晚民主黨人將開始喬-比登的工作。

HAS CALLED "A BATTLE FOR THE SOUL OF THIS NATION."

他呼籲 "為這個國家的靈魂而戰"

BUT THAT WE'RE CALLING...

但是，我們叫...

>> DEMOCRATS ASSEMBLE.

>> 民主黨人大會。

>> ARE YOU READY SNO TO GO!

>> 你準備好了嗎，要走了嗎？

>> PERSON, WOMAN, MAN, CAMERA, TV.

>> 人，女人，男人，攝影機，電視。

>> PERSON, WOMAN, MAN, CAMERA, TV.

>> 人，女人，男人，攝影機，電視。

>> Stephen: SO BEAUTIFUL.

>> 史蒂芬：太美了。

>> SO GREAT!

>> ON GREAT!

>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF JOHN KASICH, THE FORMER REPUBLICAN

>> 史蒂芬: 談到約翰-卡西奇，前共和黨人。

GOVERNOR OF OHIO WAS ONE OF THE SPEAKERS TONIGHT.

俄亥俄州州長是今晚的演講者之一。

HE WAS THERE TO UNDERLINE THE THEME OF THIS CONVENTION

他是來強調這次大會的主題的。

"UNITING AMERICA."

"團結美國。"

SLIGHTLY MORE INSPIRING THAN THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION THEME "GAS

比共和黨大會的主題 "汽油 "稍有啟發。

PROTESTERS AND THROW MAILBOXES INTO THE SEA."

抗議者，並把郵箱扔進海里。"

IN LIEU OF A PLATFORM THE RNC RELEASED A RESOLUTION OF THE

全國婦女委員會發布了一項決議，以代替平臺。

UNDYING SUPPORT OF TRUMP.

違背了對特朗普的支持。

THAT'S NOT A PARTY.

這不是一個黨。

IT'S A CULT!

這是一種文化！

"WELCOME TO THE CONVENTION, EVERYBODY.

"歡迎來到大會，各位。

TAKE OFF YOUR MA MASKS AND PUT O YOUR MATCHY NIKES AND MAGA HATS.

脫掉你的馬甲，戴上你的馬甲和帽子。

THEN DRINK UP YOUR KOOL-AID.

然後喝掉你的酷愛。

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LEADERS AND FIGHTERS FOR LIBERTY AND THE

>> 女士們、先生們，自由和自由的領袖和鬥士

AMERICAN DREAM.

美國夢：

THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

最好的還在後頭呢!

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IS THE LOUD LADY

( 笑 ) >> 史蒂芬: 是大嗓門的女士嗎？

GONE?

走了？

I'M SCARED!

我嚇壞了！

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I'VE HAD TO TURN DOWN THE

這是我一生中第一次不得不把音量調低。

VOLUME ON C-SPAN.

C-SPAN上的音量。

I'M GLAD WE ALREADY HAD OUR KIDS BECAUSE I THINK I WAS TOO CLOSE

我很高興我們已經有了孩子，因為我覺得我離孩子太近了。

TO THE TV.

對電視。

I MIGHT HAVE BEEN STERILIZED BY THAT.

我可能是被這句話嚇到了。

( LAUGHTER ) IT ALL BUILT TO A CRESCENDO WHEN

（笑）這一切都建立在一個高潮，當

TIM SCOTT FINISHED SPEAKING FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE END OF THE

蒂姆-斯科特在會議結束前5分鐘完成了發言。

RESIDENTIAL RUN TIME.

駐地運行時間。

SO THEY JUST SHOWED "B" ROLL OF THE WHITE HOUSE.

所以他們剛剛展示了白宮的 "B "卷。

IT ENDED EARLY!

它早早結束了！

I CAN'T IMAGINE THE CHAOS IN THE CONTROL ROOM.

我無法想象控制室的混亂。

"WHAT?

"什麼？

FIVE-- WE CAN'T WASTE FIVE MINUTES OF PRIME TIME.

五... 我們不能浪費五分鐘的黃金時間。

QUICK, SEND GUILFOYLE OUT THERE FOR SOME FREE SCREAM!

快，把吉魯福爾送出去，讓他免費尖叫！

HELLO, I NEED AN OBJECT AND THE REASON THE DEMOCRATS ARE

你好，我需要一個目標和民主黨人的原因。

DESTROYING IT.

毀掉它。

THANK YOU.

謝謝你。

BASED ON YOUR SUGGESTION OF CHIA PET AND SHARIA LOVE, WE TAKE YOU

基於您對CHIA PET和SHARIA LOVE的建議，我們將您

TO MY LARYNX.

致我的LARYNX

ALL I CAN SAY-- AND THIS IS ALL I CAN SAY-- IS THAT WHEN IT

我只能說... 我只能說... 是，當它

COMES TO DONALD TRUMP, I HOPE GETTING OUT EARLY IS A TREND

談到唐納德-特朗普，我希望早點出來是一種趨勢。

THAT CONTINUES IN NOVEMBER.

這將在11月繼續。

>> COMING UP, "THE LATE SHOW'S"" BEST CAMPAIGN MOMENTS IN THE

>>即將到來的 "晚間秀""最佳的廣告宣傳時刻

FIELD.

FIELD：