Look at that.

We've got a little camera push tonight.

Little camera push tonight.

Welcome to L H O I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

Well, let's just get straight to the breaking news.

There was a debate two days ago.

It's been 48 hours, and I've almost rinse all the blood out of my ears.

Tuesday's debate was a colossal waste of time that diminished everyone unfortunate enough to have watched it.

Just asked moderator and man demonstrating how much control he had over the debate.

Chris Wallace yesterday.

While has described the experience as a terrible missed opportunity, Chris is kind of a tame way to describe an unmitigated disaster.

I'd love to see you cover the Hindenburg on the frame is crashing to the ground, not quite to the mooring mast.

Oh, the missed opportunity.

Even Trump's inner circle was shaken by the president's just awful performance.

As CNN's Dana Bash reports, I will tell you one person who is familiar with his debate prep, Anderson said they prepared him to be aggressive, but not to be Jason from Friday the 13th.

Okay, that's not fair.

They might both be giant, lumbering maniacs who have a lot of blood on their hands.

But at least Jason wears a mask, and the reactions in the Republican Party at large aren't really any better.

GOP senators have described the debate as awful and an embarrassment.

And apparently Trump's performance Stokes fears among Republicans about November.

Oh, now they're worried.

I don't know, you know.

When he ignored a pandemic and paid no taxes and called dead soldiers, suckers and losers and asked Ukraine to interfere in our elections and was credibly accused of multiple sexual assaults, I thought, That's my guy.

But then he interrupted Chris Wallace, and I'm starting to think we backed the wrong horse.

Also, Did you hear what he did to that horse?

Tuesday night was so bad that yesterday the Commission on Presidential Debates announced it will be making changes to the format off the two remaining debates.

Can I suggest a small tweak to the format where we never have them again?

But instead, no, the commission suggests cutting off the microphones of President Trump and Joe Biden if they break the rules, Okay, But if you do, Trump's just gonna use semaphore.

Yeah, and Come on.

Why are you pretending these changes are aimed at both candidates?

Okay, I'm going to cut the mic if either of you goes off on a deranged tangent about shower pressure or how hot you find your daughter.

Ivanka, either of you Biden hope that something would change, but he wasn't optimistic.

I hope that this next debate is gonna be in front of, uh, real live people.

It's gonna be a town hall.

I just hope we're able to I'm looking forward to it on I hope were ableto get a chance to actually answer the questions that are asked by the persons in the room.

But God only knows what he'll do.

Mhm.

Is that true?

God, Do you know what Trump's gonna dio hell if I know.

Stephen, I've had your country on mute for the last year.

Is it still Infrastructure Week?

Gotta go.

That's my sour dough.

Got everybody but Donald trumps debate performance polled really well with one demo.

Narcissists age 74 to 74.

Who are him?

Because here's what he said last night in Minnesota.

Bye.

Really enjoyed last night's debate with Sleepy Joe.

The verdict is in and they say that we we all of us one big last night?

Yes, we we we up on that debate stage.

All of us were up there disgracing our democracy.

And if we don't win in November, we we are all going to jail because we cheated on our taxes.

Remember, there is no I in Eric is the fall guy.

Despite Trump's claims, polls show that six in 10 Americans say that Biden won the debate.

The other four said the winner was a sleeve of Oreos dunked in at a van.

Now you can see why charms I'm nervous, cause right now the New York Times poll of polls has Biden up by eight points.

No surprise.

Tuesday he gave voice to the message All Americans have been longing to hear.

Well, you shot a man who refreshing So today his campaign released this ad.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut your shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Help!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Up!

Dani, I'm Joe Biden and I approve this message.

Of course, what really matters is the swing states.

And right now Biden leads in Michigan, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Nevada, New Hampshire, Arizona, Ohio, North Carolina and Iowa.

From the redwood for us to the Gulf Stream waters, this land is sick.

Give me J.

D.

Yeah, I took guitar for a month.

Evidently, Trump actually reads the polls, and that's what made him lose what was left of his mind at the debate.

Maggie Haberman tweeted.

People close to him are blunt that the president knows he's losing and is scared of it.

So he did what he does when afraid or anxious, and tried to impose his will on the night.

Yes, Trump just reacted like a cornered animal.

Good question, Chris, but before I answer that, I'm going to express my must sack all over this podium.

It's a gland.

Want to guess where the gland is?

I'll need a mirror.

Plus, I never said anal.

I never said Anil grabs.

Plus.

This week, Biden got another huge endorsement miracle on the Hudson Pilot and a AARP magazine.

Sexiest Man still alive, Captain Sully Sullenberger.

On Tuesday, Sulley landed this ad right on Trump's face.

Leadership is not just about sitting in the pilot seat.

It's about knowing what you're doing and taking responsibility for it.

It's in that highest calling of leadership that Donald Trump has failed us so miserably.

Nearly a quarter million Americans won't have a voice casualties of his lethal lies and incompetence.

All we have to do his vote him out, man, suddenly brought it.

That's gonna get Biden, the Suburban dad vote right there that's a good is getting endorsed by self locking grilled tongs.

Well, the brats returned the broth.

I'm not saying Trump's goose is cooked, but it's definitely sucked into the starboard engine Now, with things looking this bad, Trump stopped running against Biden and turned his attention to his true opponent.

Democracy.

We're not gonna lose this except if they cheat.

I've been telling you, this whole ballot scam is going to cause a lot of problems for our country.

They're going to try and steal the election.

We have a big problem and you see it every day.

You see it happening every day with ballots when the ballots and when the system is rigged, which it is, obviously it is, and the only one that knows that better than me or the Democrats, and they're going to close rooms, and they must laugh like hell.

I'm sure they're all laughing.

Hey, that reminds me of a joke.

Why did the chicken cross the road to escape to Canada?

Because Bill bars turning dissidents into McNuggets.

Now there's no proof that wide scale election fraud ever happens.

It's so rare that even Trump's Voter Fraud Commission couldn't find evidence.

But that hasn't stopped Trump from already filing lawsuits in North Carolina, Pennsylvania and elsewhere to restrict voting by mail.

It's all part of his public service campaign.

The vote.

During the debate, Trump urged his followers to intimidate other voters by being a so called poll watcher.

And now Don Jr saying I'm helping to Dad.

The radical left are laying the groundwork to steal this election from my father.

President Donald Trump Way cannot let that happen way.

Need every able bodied man woman to join Army for Trump's election security operation?

Yes, every able bodied man and woman which does not include Donald Trump Jr because he is clearly hammered.

Okay, the radical left is trying to steal the election, but I'm not gonna let him because we will fight the rack left like I fought the store guy when he wouldn't let me put my mouth on the slushy machine.

And I don't know how those white claws got down my pants.

Officer baby, come here.

I want you guys to meet Scream he can, he say The best is yet to come.

Things say it.

Hello, but there are some heroes out there fighting to make sure all Americans voices are heard.

For instance, with just a month until the election, Snapchat says it's helped over one million people registered to vote but the registration on the last 24 hours.

So be sure to take a screenshot.

Of course, If you register through Snapchat, you need two forms of ID one where you're a dog and one where you're puking.

Rain bows.

There's a new get out the vote drive called Get Your Booty to the Pole, organized by exotic dancers.

How could you cinnamon Cheyenne candy with an eye at to boot?

A.

The dancers explained the importance of voting in this online video.

One trades and coding taught in our schools.

Then vote for the school words that will prepare us for the job market.

Wanna end cash bail will then vote for the sheriff's and county officials that feel the same way you do.

Don't let other people decide who's going to run your community.

Get your booty to the pole.

Get your booty to the pole.

Get your booty to the pole.

That, my friends, is democracy at work.

The P S.

A.

Ends with this call to action for information on how and where to vote as well as resource is to find out who's running where you live.

Go to get your booty to the poll dot com.

We had to blur so much of the booty that you can't even read the u R L There's gotta be.

There's gotta be a line here.

I understand this is CBS, and we cannot show everything that God gave her.

But a girl?

No, no.

You know what?

I'm not surprised The dancers did this.

I'm only surprised that the website get your booty to the poll was somehow not taken already.

Well, I say good for you, ladies.

Thank you.

I also say this seems like they're trying to horn in on my turf.

Of course, that's the Late Show's website.

Better know a ballot which has voter information for all 50 states and the District of Columbia.

Join the millions who have already checked out are helpful videos.

But here's the thing.

Now that I've seen get your booty to the pole, I realized that better know a ballot needs more sex appeal.

Now, I'm not an exotic dancer.

I'm just a middle aged white guy.

So I don't think that I'm actually going Thio, take your buttocks out and vote.

You could take your powerboat if it's chilly, Wear a coat.

Uh, pull the lever.

Take what the line.

Pull the lever.

Shake that rump you convert, You get the idea.

You get the idea.

We got a great show for you tonight.

Ethan Hawke is here.

But when we come back, I might have to apologize for what I just did.