You're quite tall.

Hey, I am very tall.

You're, how tall are you?

Well I'm five-nine Conan.

Perfect.

How tall are you?

Ooh.

I know I'm yeah, it's creepy Conan.

(crowd laughs)

I'm also Irish Catholic, just like you are.

Are you seriously?

Yeah.

That's you, you know, it's funny

because everybody knows because of my name.

Right.

And also because of the red hair and the freckles.

Right.

People just know that I'm Irish.

They just know, but I would think,

you don't have that traditional Irish look.

I'm what's known as Black Irish

which I think had something to do

with the Spanish Armada or something.

Okay.

You're really, you're the authentic Irish.

You're like so Irish you're like the forgotten people.

The redheaded freckled.

Yes.

Do you know what I mean?

Yes, well I'm like the cliched Irish.

Yes.

There aren't that many of us.

Well, think of the famous redheads throughout history.

OB?

(crowd laughs)

Exactly.

Lucy.

The only two I can think of were on Happy Days.

Right.

Lucy.

Lucy.

A fake, she's a fake redhead.

Exactly.

But then there's you and you really have to,

I just feel for you and your people,

you have to carry the weight of your.

(crowd laughs)

Yeah, you know, yeah.

Why do you feel for me?

Don't you feel the pressure?

Cause don't you feel the pressure

of being like the most famous redhead?

That's, I don't think I'm the most famous redhead.

I think you are.

Who else is?

Remember we've learned tonight

that I'm on at 12:30 at night.

(crowd laughs)

That's what Regis taught us.

I'm on at eight opposite Friends.

So together we'll make sweet, sweet music.

Yeah, your show.

You have this new show,

and today, you know they gave me this whole dossier

and I'm reading.

Yeah. Critics, the critics really like this show.

Yeah.

They say it's smart, it's funny.

And then they put it opposite Friends.

How does that feel?

That piece of crap, it's going down.

(crowd laughs)

Right.

Right.

Yeah,

Wow.

That was so convincing.

I bet they're all trembling over there.

Yeah. It's a, you know, it's bad,

but someday things will be better.

All you can do is control what you can control, right?

That is so true.

I believe that, I believe in that kind of zen,

worry about your own golf swing.

Don't worry about that guy's ice skates.

You know what I'm saying?

(crowd laughs)

Yeah. So.

(crowd laughs)

Re just rattled me man, he just rattled me.

Did he?

Because he's so loud and he's Irish too.

(crowd laughs)

It's Irish night.

Yes.

You didn't know but it is.

That's how I book the show now, yeah.

I know.

I pretty much pull up in a van at an Irish pub,

come on in here.

Now you used to, you're of course,

we do this show in New York city,

you're here.

Yeah.

You're here visiting, you used to live here.

Yes.

Is that where you started acting?

Did you start it in Manhattan?

I started acting here,

I had my first paying job.

I went to college here and everything,

I graduated and I got an agent and I had,

and they called me and they said,

we have a paying job for you,

it's so exciting.

And they were like, because it's exciting,

cause you fit the costume.

(crowd laughs)

The old Johnny Bravo syndrome

on The Brady Bunch, you fit the costume.

Right, you're the second person who said that to me.

Yeah.

And, so what it was Conan was that I was hired

to be the world cup soccer mascot,

Striker, that is his name.

The world cup has a soccer mascot?

Whatever, they did then.

And what if,

(crowd laughs)

let me guess.

You're the reason they don't anymore, right?

Probably.

Wait, what, who is Striker?

What kind of an animal is Striker?

Well, Conan, Striker is a friendly lovable dog and.

Soccer and dog?

Exactly, yeah.

I don't know.

I don't get the connection.

I don't either, because dogs love balls.

I don't know.

(crowd laughs)

If you're gonna talk that way, I'm gonna leave,

read my Regis Philbin book.

(crowd laughs)

No, no, wait, there's more.

Oh yeah, okay, there's more, all right, so?

Okay, so the thing is that I'm trying

to be a good actor you know?

And I'm thinking well, I wear a costume,

but I still am playing a character.

So I wear the costume and people are being mean.

How big is the costume?

It's a head,

it's like a big paper mache head.

Like the one we just had out here?

It's sweaty.

Yes, yes, like that.

So, you know, we.

Yes it's like that, but you didn't wear that.

Did you?

What?

The Conan one?

Your own Conan head.

Yeah, I do at night.

Yeah. Well.

(crowd laughs)

So it was very, very uncomfortable,

and people like, people hate characters.

Unless you're at Disneyland,

people look down on you

and they would go up and knock on my head

and like talk through my nose.

(crowd laughs)

Oh, that's so rude.

I know.

They would really bang on the head?

Yes, they'd be like, are you a girl dog or a boy dog?

They were awful, and then,

but then to add insult to injury,

they would wanna take their picture with me,

and I realized like seven hours into the 20 hour day,

that every time somebody went to take their picture with me,

I would smile.

(crowd laughs)

You would smile inside the head?

I would smile inside the head.

Oh that's so sad.

And no one could see?

And no one could see.

And so by the end of the day, I was so angry.

I would just frown.

(crowd laughs)

Yeah, that showed them.

That'll show them.

That'll show them.

Yeah.

That picture where my giant head is smiling,

I'm frowning inside.

I was mad.

(crowd laughs)

Yeah.

You'll get yours.

That's sad.

That was my first job I know it is sad.

Well now things are going great.

You start low, you work your way up.

That's right.

The opposite of how I'm doing it.

(crowd laughs)

Gilmore Girls is on Thursday nights.

Yes.

At eight o'clock

on the WB and people really like the show.

Yes they do.

So check it out.

All right, I do already but you should.

When there's a commercial on Friends.

Yeah.

(crowd laughs)

Yeah.

Lauren, thanks for being here,

good to have you.

Thank you.

Lauren Graham everybody.

Louis classic.