Tell us what have we got here?

Well, we have a Chinchilla from Peru.

I thought that was an affluent rat, you had there.

(audience laughs)

A rat that had come into some money.

I've heard of... this is a Chinchilla.

I know the Chinchilla coats.

This was the animal they used to make Chinchilla coats.

And you can tell this...

So he'd go like over here

in this part of the coat right here.

No, I'm kidding, I like animals too.

This is incredible, they feel so soft.

Very, very dense follicles of hair.

(audience laughs)

This is not so soothing for the Chinchilla,

but for me, very calming.

This is what I do before every show,

as I have a Chinchilla brought to me and I...

(Conan sighs)

... soothing.

Very nice.

This animal very seldom even drinks,

and it, it would never take a bath in water,

because high up in the Andes it's cold.

Right.

The follicles are so dense,

it would probably never dry out and would actually die,

so it bathes in dust.

Bathes in dust?

And if you put this animal in our...

I thought that was a shake and bake,

(audience laughs)

cook it up, is this extra crispy or Cajun spice?

So if I put the Chinchilla in here,

it will take a dust bath?

I think he will, yes.

Alright, this is a amazing.

(audience coos)

Oh, that's great television right there.

(Audience laughs)

And he's done, that was it?

That's it?

You can't just take a...

and then it leaves the pan and... that's nice Clyde,

throw it back into the dust.

(audience laughs)

This is the only way they can stay clean,

is to basically roll in dust,

and many other animals do this as well.

Is it soothing for the animal?

This is the Chinchilla at a four star spa.

A little massage right there.

(Conan sings)

You must calm Chinchilla calm, that's incredible.

Let me show you something else I brought along.

Let me show you something else,

alright, that sounded sinister,

when you said it that way.

I guess he's just chilling out right here, look at this.

Just hanging out, he can hang out, he's okay.

I hope that guy works for you.

(audience laughs)

That was an audience member that just came down.

'I want a Chinchilla.'

Oh my God, look at this.

I took a group of people to Tanzania on a Safari in June,

and these are found in Tanzania,

in the Rocky areas of rather dry,

almost desert like conditions.

Yes.

And it's called a Tailless whip scorpion

or some people call them Cave dwelling spiders.

But, wait, wait, wait, which is it,

a spider or a scorpion?

Damned if I know.

(audience laughs)

I honestly...

Wait, you're whipping out a bug

and it may be a scorpion, but you're not sure?

I don't think it's a scorpion.

Well, thanks for the scientific breakdown.

(sarcastically) I don't know, it might be a scorpion.

I'm not sure.

How about if I put it on you?

Alright, okay I'm scared of these things.

They are poisonous.

(everyone screams)

It's on my crotch.

(audience laughs)

Off crotch, off crotch.

Okay, look at that.

Wait, that's great, yeah, that's nice.

Why do you put them on people?

(Conan screams)

Okay, look, it's clinging to you.

Alright, do you wanna put it on my hair?

Put it on my hair, all bugs like my hair, I've found.

It's not sticking is it?

Oh my God, oh my god, it just...

What's it doing, why is it...

Why is it on my... it's on my wrist right now.

It may be extending it's fangs.

I'm being very still, it's doing something.

It's like probing my wrist right now.

It's taking my pulse.

(audience exclaims)

They actually do have venom.

(audience laughs)

Are you an idiot, what do you mean it has venom?

Isn't the wrist the shallowest portion of the body?

So if a spider, a venomous spider,

or scorpion was to attack me,

the wrist might be the most lethal place.

It will be the main line.

Yeah, incredible, what a wonderful demonstration.

(audience laughs)

Should we remove the spiders please?

That's great.

Or scorpions or whatever they are.

How are we going to get this one off without it...

bite or it's okay?

It's going into the... okay,

it almost went into the sleeve,

which it thought of as a pale, freckled cave.

(audience laughs)

Alright, what's next?

Let's keep this moving Clyde.

Okay, here's another potentially dangerous animal.

I thought you meant her.

(audience laughs)

(Conan exclaims)

What is this, I was clowning around

and I didn't see you bring out this thing.

What is it?

Accurately enough,

it's called a black headed Python from Australia.

And these animals don't get quite as large

as some of the Asian and African Pythons.

They get about eight feet long and they're constrictors...

Oh, constrictors, good.

(audience laughs)

Put around neck and then mention the constricting part.

(audience laughs)

When they are ready to kill prey, they wrap around it,

they squeeze it tightly,

and the animal dies of suffocation or cardiac arrest.

That's great.

(audience laughs)

That's really great.

It is constricting a little bit right now around the throat.

Is that because it senses that I'm scared

and it's squeezing.

I think he's afraid of falling,

he wants to wrap around very tightly.

Okay, alright, so I should support him,

now, could it bite you in the face,

if I jammed this into your head right now?

(audience laughs)

If I came at you with this would it bite you in the head?

It could, yes he could.

So there's a chance

he would bite you in the head while it was strangling me.

(audience laughs)

But, it probably would turn around and bite you

because you have the tail end, and you know...

But at the last second,

the Chinchilla springs from its dust bath

and saves me, alright.

He could consume the Chinchilla.

They swallow their prey whole.

Their jaws distend enough

that this animal could swallow something as long as...

Do you ever make these animals fight each other?

Is that as HBO kind of thing, Cinemax?

No we don't.

Fox TV, definitely, alright.

Do you want to, maybe we should remove this.

Maybe we could hang him on the Christmas tree

as an ornament.

(audience laughs)

Hi, how are you?

This animal was confiscated

by the U.S. fish and wildlife service.

It was an illegal animal brought into this country.

That animal is a criminal, you're saying?

The person who brought it in.

Oh, someone brought it in illegally, it was confiscated,

and then you went to the Lost and Found.

It went to the Lowry Park Zoo where it lives today.

I think we have time for one more,

and this is... oh wow, look at this.

I got this one, this looks to me like an Owl.

I need a glove, I think.

That's an owl, there's a glove here.

I get a glove, alright.

Now tell me about this Owl.

This looks like an Owl to me.

Yeah, this is a Eurasian Eagle Owl.

Owls are broken into two groups.

The typical Owls and the Eagle owls,

our Great Horned Owl, in fact,

is very closely related to this animal.

And they really can turn their heads around

like 360 degrees, right?

Well, not 360 but about 270.

I'm pretty sure it's 360.

(audience laughs)

Let's compromise, about 310 degrees.

Is it true that their heads detach...

(audience laughs)

... and there's candies inside?

I've just been told...

I don't know as much about animals as you,

but this is a... look at the eyes.

Tell us about the eyes Clyde.

(Conan 'hoos')

Well, first of all, they can't move their eyes very much.

It's ignoring me.

They're positioned with boney rings

that give them far vision.

Yes.

And it's almost binocular.

It's excellent for, if you're a predator like this,

and you're looking for prey animals at some distance.

In fact if you'd like to see an example of how well they see

we could put that glove on your hand.

I got the glove on, yeah.

I thought this was for a medical exam.

Do we have a piece of meat back here?

We have meat, do we have some meat here

or just a little piece of meat?

What is this we're using?

Make a little clucking noise if you would,

just to get his attention.

You just want me to look stupid.

That has nothing to do with this.

Do a clucking noise?

Okay, and it's going to...

Okay, this is cool.

Alright, let's see what happens.

(Conan clucks)

These are silent flyers.

(Everyone screams)

(Audience cheers)

Wow, what an unprofessional show.

(Audience laughs)

Look at that.

I love that camera work there.

Well, should we leave it there?

I think they've retrieved it,

and it's got a woman's wig with it.

(Audience cheers)

(Conan clucks)

This thing is blind.

It's got the biggest eyes in the world, and it's like,

"I'm sorry, I'm not getting it, they're not seeing."