That would be me.

那就是我。

And do you know why?

你知道為什麼嗎？

Because I eat everything with a knife and fork.

因為我吃東西都要用刀叉。

Literally everything.

從字面上看，一切。

You name it.

你的名字。

I eat it with a knife and fork.

我是用刀叉吃的。

The answer is yes.

答案是肯定的。

Right now, wherever you are.

現在，無論你在哪裡。

If you're screaming out options at me, the answer is yes.

如果你對著我喊出選項，答案是肯定的。

I eat pizza with a knife and fork.

我吃披薩是用刀叉的。

I eat wings with a knife and fork.

我吃雞翅是用刀叉的。

I eat sandwiches with a knife and fork.

我吃三明治的時候用的是刀叉。

I eat everything.

我什麼都吃。

Hamburgers with a knife and fork.

漢堡包用刀叉。

For exactly that reason, I don't like to get things on the fingers.

正因為如此，我不喜歡把東西弄到手指上。

I don't like it.

我不喜歡它。

I'm not as worried about it.

我沒有那麼擔心。

Getting in my eyes.

進了我的眼睛。

I don't like the one might.

我不喜歡那個 "可能"。

When your fingers smell after you eat something, you get mustard on there.

當你吃完東西后手指聞到味道，就會有芥末味。

Or ketchup or whatever it might be literally anything.

或者番茄醬什麼的，可能是字面上的任何東西。

I don't like the feeling of it.

我不喜歡這種感覺。

I also don't like my disgusting kating hands touching the food that I'm then eating at any time.

我也不喜歡我那雙噁心的卡丁手隨時接觸到我然後吃的食物。

I was germophobe chi didn't need a pandemic to be a germophobe, so I don't like any of that So, Coach Nolan, listen to me.

我是個細菌恐懼症患者，不需要大流行病就能成為細菌恐懼症患者，所以我不喜歡這些，所以，諾蘭教練，聽我說。

The defense is struggling.

防守很吃力。

I can't help you with that.

我幫不了你

I don't know what you're what you're 34 should be morphing into.

我不知道你34歲的你應該蛻變成什麼樣子。

I don't know why you're linebackers air struggling as they are.

我不知道為什麼你的後衛們都在掙扎，因為他們是。

I don't know why you can't cover.

我不知道為什麼你不能掩護。

I don't know why you're not getting to the quarterback.

我不知道為什麼你不去找四分衛。

I can't help you with any of those things.

這些事情我都幫不了你。

But the Tabasco on the finger.

但手指上的辣椒醬。

I can solve that problem like that.

我可以解決這樣的問題。

Knife and fork for everything, my friend.

刀和叉是用來對付一切的，我的朋友。

Trust me, it works.

相信我，它的工作。

People are asking me.

大家都在問我。

How about a cookie?

來塊餅乾怎麼樣？

Yes.

是的，我知道

I eat a cookie with a knife and fork if it can't be eaten with a knife and fork.

如果餅乾不能用刀叉吃，我就用刀叉吃。

I'm not interested in eating the cookie.

我對吃餅乾不感興趣。

People are asking sandwiches.

人們都在問三明治。

Yes, Reese is Yes.

是的，里斯是的。

I will eat a Reeses with a knife and fork.

我會用刀叉吃瑞思的。

Throw one at me.

扔一個給我。

Go ahead, E.

去吧，E.

Even like pizza with a knife and a fork.

甚至像披薩一樣用刀叉。

Like I don't.

就像我沒有。

You have 100% like a chicken wing or something like Are you taking out a knife and fork?

你有百分百像雞翅之類的東西，你是不是要拿出刀叉？

And from someone you like?

你喜歡的人呢？

Not fun.

不好玩。

You don't find that odd at all now I don't.

你一點也不覺得奇怪，現在我不覺得。

I find myself e I find it.

我發現我自己e我發現它。

Have you ever had, like Eminem's or Skittles or anything of that nature?

你有沒有吃過，像阿姆的或Skittles或任何性質的東西？

Because you can't Yes, in my life, yes.

因為你不能 是的，在我的生活中，是的。

But generally, no.

但一般來說，沒有。

And if I schedules, I don't particularly care for the Eminem's.

而如果我時間表，我並不是特別在意艾明的。

I used to like a little bit.

我曾經喜歡過一點。

And if I were to eat them now, I would probably eat them with some sort of protective device.

如果我現在要吃它們，我可能會帶著某種保護裝置吃。

Like I might have a napkin or something like that to use to eat them with.

比如我可能會有一張餐巾紙之類的東西，用來吃它們。

But I'm not going to get them on the fingers.

但我不會把它們弄到手指上。

I don't like any.

我不喜歡任何。

I don't like food.

我不喜歡吃東西

I'm just loving how shocked everyone is because I mean this.

我只是喜歡大家的震驚，因為我是認真的。

This is just, you know, I've known this for 15 years now.

這只是，你知道，我已經知道這15年了。

E for Bubba, this is only home week.

E為布巴，這才是主場周。

John Passman wrote me Are you telling tweeted at me?

約翰-帕斯曼給我寫了封信，你是在告訴我推特上的內容嗎？

Are you telling me you ate Buffalo Joe's with a fork and knife?

你是說你用刀叉吃了水牛城的東西？

Yes, I did.

是的，我有。

Friends.

朋友。

Buffalo Joe's is the wing place in Evanston.

水牛城喬氏是埃文斯頓的翼店。

Delicious.

好吃極了

I ate there.

我在那裡吃了。

I probably ate there.

我可能在那裡吃了。

I swear to you, I'm not exaggerating.

我向你發誓，我沒有誇大其詞。

I 88 meals a week there.

我每週在那裡吃88頓飯。

How long have you been doing this?

你做這個多久了？

For?

對於?

How long you been doing the four spoon thing for everything like you've even in your lifetime.

你像你這輩子都在做四勺子的事情，多久了。

Most of my life, I would say certainly all of my adult life and probably e not as a child.

我一生中的大部分時間，我想說的是，當然是我成年後的所有時間，可能e不是作為一個孩子。

I'm not sure exactly when this affliction sort of came over me, but for a very long time now, a very long time.

我不知道這種苦惱究竟是什麼時候出現在我身上的，但已經有很長一段時間了，很長一段時間了。

I do not eat things with my hands.

我不會用手吃東西

I don't like it.

我不喜歡它。

I don't like the way it feels.

我不喜歡這樣的感覺。

I don't like anything about it.

我不喜歡它的任何東西。

A from your wife when she saw you pull out a knife and a fork when you're about to eat a slice of pizza, well, you'd have to ask her, Um, but this may have started in Chicago because pizza is very different in Chicago.

當你妻子看到你在要吃一塊披薩的時候拿出刀叉時，你要問她，嗯，但這可能是從芝加哥開始的，因為芝加哥的披薩非常不同。

So I grew up in New York until I'm 18 and then I moved to Chicago for 11 years.

所以我在紐約長大，直到18歲，然後我搬到芝加哥11年。

Now, as you probably know, pizza, it does not.

現在，你可能知道，披薩，它不。

It's not the same entity.

這不是同一個實體。

It's not the same food.

這不是同樣的食物。

When people ask me, Do you prefer New York style pizza?

當人們問我，你喜歡紐約式披薩嗎？

Chicago style pizza?

芝加哥式披薩？

I always say they aren't comparable to me just because they have the same name.

我總是說他們和我沒有可比性，只是因為他們有相同的名字。

They're completely different.

他們是完全不同的。

Foods, New York style Pizza is a slice and you fold it and eat it with, you know, with you can eat it with a couple of napkins if you have enough napkins, if I'm forced to hand eat a slight of a slice of pizza so long as there was enough napkin re, then I'm generally okay.

食品，紐約風格 比薩是一個片，你摺疊它，吃它，你知道，與你可以吃它與幾個餐巾紙，如果你有足夠的餐巾紙，如果我被迫手吃一個輕微的片比薩餅，只要有足夠的餐巾紙，然後我一般還好。

But there's it requires significant napkin re in order for that to be an option.

但有的它需要大量的餐巾紙再為了這是一種選擇。

But if a fork and knife is an option, it's always preferable.

但如果選擇叉子和刀，總歸是最好的。

What was Stasis?

靜止狀態是什麼？

Reaction?

反應？

Look on the list of things that I think she's concerned about.

看看我認為她所關心的事情清單。

This is so low, you know?

這麼低，你知道嗎？

I mean, Dale tweets at me.

我的意思是，戴爾在推特上發了我。

We doughnuts with a fork.

我們的甜甜圈用叉子。

Really?

真的嗎？

Yes, I do.

是的，我有。

I eat doughnuts with a fork.

我是用叉子吃甜甜圈的。

Tim, Do you eat chips with silverware?

蒂姆，你吃薯片時有銀器嗎？

Tim.

蒂姆

I don't eat chips.

我不吃薯片。

Don't care for chips.

不關心芯片。

Not a big chip thing again.

又不是什麼大籌碼的事情。

Snap says to me, I want to see you eat wings.

驍勇對我說，我想看你吃翅膀。

Let's go eat some wings.

我們去吃點雞翅吧。

I love wings.

我喜歡翅膀。

Wings are my weakness.

翅膀是我的弱點。

Ask anyone who eats with me.

問問和我一起吃飯的人。

I went all over.

我走遍了所有的地方。

I eat nothing but wings on golf trips, which is when I allow myself to eat whatever I want with no rules.

我在高爾夫旅行中只吃雞翅，這時我允許自己想吃什麼就吃什麼，沒有規則。

Ask any of the guys in my golf trips.

問問我高爾夫旅行中的任何一個人。

They will tell you I eat the wings with a fork and knife.

他們會告訴你我是用刀叉吃雞翅的。

Always.

總是這樣

Um, there was one other one in here.

嗯，這裡還有一個人。

Tacos.

玉米餅。

Greedy.

貪婪的。

How do you eat a taco with a fork and knife?

用叉子和刀子怎麼吃玉米餅？

Very easily.

非常容易。

I only eat the soft tacos.

我只吃軟玉米餅。

I don't like the hard tacos anyway.

反正我不喜歡吃硬玉米餅。

You know the crunchy, the crunchy shell tacos they get all over the place.

你知道，脆脆的，脆脆的外殼玉米餅 他們得到所有的地方。

It's not easy to eat.

吃起來不容易。

It's almost impossible to eat with a knife and fork, which is why I don't do it.

用刀叉吃飯幾乎是不可能的，這也是我不做的原因。

I like the soft shell tacos and those air easy to eat with a knife and fork.

我喜歡軟殼玉米餅，那些空氣容易用刀叉吃。

I don't know why people think I'm kidding.

我不知道為什麼人們認為我在開玩笑。

I've been telling you this for years.

我跟你說了這麼多年了。