WHAT WE WON'T HAVE IN-PERSON AUDIENCES FOR THE TIME BEING DUE

TO SAFETY PRECAUTIONS, PLEASE CHECK OUT PAST EPISODES IN ALL

OUR CAR POOL KARAOKE VIDEOS ON OUR YouTube PAGE, FOLLOW ME ON

TWITTER AT

" RHAMES ME ON VING, FIND ME A

FLIGHT ON KAYAK, SHOW ME AN OX ON MYYAK, MEET ME ON ZOOM, NAME

ME ON TUNE, CUDDLE ME ON SPOON, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM WANT ME IN

ME ON TUNE, CUDDLE ME ON SPOON, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM WANT ME IN

YOUR ROOM, MANAGE ME ON GOOGLETASK, YELL AT ME ON WEAR A

MASK, FIND ME A PLAYLIST ON SPOTIFY, FIND ME A DANISH ON

SPOT-A-PIE, CHECK MY TEMP ON FAHRENHEIT, TALK LIKE TRUMP ON

YO-SEMITE, MESSAGE ME ON WHATSAPP, MEGAN THEE ON WHATSWAP

MATCH WITH ME ON BUMBLE, "GET KNOCKED DOWN!" ON CHUMBAWUMBLE

WET ME ON MOAT, SWAB ME ON THROAT, MILK ME ON OAT, "OH MY

GOD, NO, I CAN'T EAT ANOTHER THING" ON BLOAT, SET UP MY

WORKFLOW ON TO-DO-IST, GET ME A NEW PHONE ON YO, WHODIS?

MESSAGE ME ON GROUPME, GWYNETH ME ON GOOPME, CANCEL MY REZ ON

OPENTABLE, BETRAY MY BROTHER ON CAIN-N-ABEL, STREAM ME ON HULU,

LIVE YOUR TRUTH ON DOYOU!

BUY ME A GIFT ON SHOPIFY, FORGET SOMEONE'S NAME ON "HEY, BIG

GUY?" PAY ME TOMORROW ON PAYPAL, RAY

ME ROMANO ON RAYPAL, MAKE ME RICH ON P.O. TRADE, POWERS ME ON

OH, BEHAVE!

WATCH ANIME ON CRUNCHYROLL, MATILDA ME ON TRUNCHYBULL,

SUNDAY ME ON BRUNCHYSTROLL, GET MAD AT ME ON PUNCHYHOLE, CHAT ME

UP ON DISCORD, HIT ME UP ON DIS CORD, ORDER ME ON CAVIAR, TWIRL

MY STACHE ON HANDLEBAR OR, IF YOU WISH, FEEL FREE TO WRITE ME

AN OLD FASHIONED LETTER BY ADDRESSING IT TO TELEVISION CITY

STUDIOS, 7800 BEVERLY BOULEVARD, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90036.

BECAUSE THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION MAY BE ACTIVELY

SABOTAGING THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE, THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE

YOUR LETTER ACTUALLY GETS TO ME IS TO WRITE ME 25 LETTERS AND

DROP THEM OFF AT 25 DIFFERENT MAILBOXES.

AFTER A FEW DAYS, ONE OF YOUR LETTERS ARRIVES.

THE NEXT DAY, TWO MORE ARRIVE AND THE DAY AFTER THAT, I'LL

FIND SEVEN MORE IDENTICAL LETTERS IN MY MAILBOX, AT WHICH

POINT I'LL BE LIKE "OH, WOW.

SOMETHING'S OBVIOUSLY GONE WRONG HERE."

INSTEAD OF REPLYING, I'LL ALERT CBS SECURITY TO PUT YOU ON THE

LIST OF "HIGH-RISK FANS" AND QUIETLY BLAME MYSELF FOR SEEMING

TOO FRIENDLY AND APPROACHABLE ON AIR.

MEANWHILE, HAVING NEVER GOTTEN A RESPONSE, YOU'LL GROW

DISENCHANTED WITH CELEBRITY AND DECIDE TO DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO

PUBLIC SERVICE, TAKING A JOB AT THE COUNTY CLERK'S OFFICE,

WORKING YOUR WAY UP TO CITY HALL AND EVENTUALLY WINNING A SENATE

SEAT.

YOU'LL HELP PASS MANY NEW LAWS THAT USHER IN THE FUTURE AND

THE PRESIDENT WILL APPOINT YOU AS POSTMASTER GENERAL OF THE

UNITED STATES.

YOU'LL DO THAT JOB FOR 30 YEARS.

ONE DAY, CURIOSITY WILL GET THE BEST OF YOU AND YOU'LL TYPE MY

NAME INTO THE MAIL DATABASE.

LOOKS LIKE YOUR OLD LETTERS TO ME WERE DELIVERED AFTER ALL.

ALL 25 OF THEM.

FURIOUS, YOU'LL TAKE THE DAY OFF, FLY TO L.A., SHOW UP AT THE

STUDIO GATES, STORM PAST SECURITY, WALK RIGHT UP TO MY

DESK AND CONFRONT ME ABOUT THE LETTERS.

AFTER EVERYTHING YOU SAY, I'LL JUST SIT THERE SILENTLY SMILING

UNTIL YOU GET SO FRUSTRATED YOU TAKE A SWING AT ME.

BUT YOUR FIST WILL GO RIGHT THROUGH MY HEAD AND MY IMAGE

WILL START TO FLICKER BECAUSE AT THIS POINT IN THE FUTURE CBS HAS

REPLACED ME WITH A CHEAPER, MORE EFFICIENT HOLOGRAM.

AND YOU, A FORMER SENATOR, WERE THE TIE-BREAKING VOTE THAT

PASSED THE "NO LIVE HOST HOLOGRAM" BILL.

HOW COULD YOU?

I'M GLAD I NEVER WROTE YOU BACK.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "LATE LATE SHOW."