>> STILL HOURS UNTIL THE POLLS CLOSE.

>> THE UGLIEST CAMPAIGN WE'VE EVER SEEN.

>> THE NATION STILL REELING FROM THE DEADLIEST PANDEMIC EVER

SEEN.

>> THE QUESTION ALL OF AMERICA IS ASKING: ARE WE ( BLEEP ).

>> WITH MILLIONS OF MAIL-IN BALLOTS STILL TO BE COUNTED, CNN

IS NOW READY TO PROJECT... TOO EARLY TO CALL.

>> TOO EARLY TO CALL, HUH?

WAIT TILL THEY GET A L LOAD OF M ( LAUGHING )

>> THIS ELECTION, SO HISTORIC, SO CRUCIAL.

WHO WILL THE PEOPLE CHOOSE?

PERHAPS A PRESIDENT WHO DOES NOT WISH TO MURDER ME.

ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

>> SORRY TO INTERRUPT, WORLD, IT'S YOUR ONCE AND FUTURE

PRESIDENT HERE, WITH AN IMPORTANT ELECTION UPDATE.

I SMELL A LANDSLIDE!

( CHEERING ).

>> EXCUSE ME, SENATOR, MASKS ARE REQUIRED BEYOND THIS POINT.

>> OH, SILLY ME.

OFF TO THE ( BLEEP ) PIT.

I HAVE DEFEATED THE CHINA VIRUS!

AND NOW, HERE TONIGHT, I WILL DEFEAT THE CHINA BIDEN.

BILL BARR, LET'S CLOSE THE POLLS!

>> YES, MR. PRESIDENT.

>> WHAT THE ( BLEEP )?

WHY ARE YOU NAKED?

>> WE'RE ON SHOWTIME.

I CAN SHOW FULL FRONTAL, MR. PRESIDENT.

>> ALL RIGHT.

NOW, LET'S LOOK THEM UP.

>> TIME TO PUT THE "DICK" IN "DICTATOR."

♪ ♪ ♪ SEE, AMERICA, A LANDSLIDE!

TONIGHT, WE CELEBRATE ON THE STREETS OF D.C. THIS DEMOCRACY.

>> Stephen: BREAKING NEWS, I AM NOW LOCKED IN A POLLING PLACE

WITH HUNDREDS OF VOTERS, AND ONLY ONE BATHROOM.

IT SEEMS CHILI WAS A BAD LUNCH CHOICE.

THE QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S MIND: WHERE IS JOE BIDEN?

>> I'M AWAKE!

AM I PRESIDENT YET?

>> NO, IT'S THE JOE SIGNAL.

WE KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

>> THERE'S A TRAIN COMING?

I HAVE TO GET MY BAGS!

>> NO, DEMOCRACY IS IN JEOPARDY!

>> OH, RIGHT, THE THING.

TO THE BIDEN BASEMENT.

♪ ♪ ♪ ( "Y.M.C.A." )

>> WHAT A LANDSLIDE, HUH, FOLKS?

HERE'S YOUR STUPID STIMULUS, SUCKERS!

♪ YOUNG MAN, GET YOURSELF OFF THE GROUND ♪

READ IN THE CORONAVIRUS.

DON'T LET IT DOMINATE YOU.

DON'T BE AFRAID!

YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL 20 YEARS YOUNGER!

♪ I SAID YOUNG MAN, WHEN YOU'RE SHORT ON... ♪

>> MEGA-MAY GO-MEGA.

MONEY-MONEY-MONEY.

WHO DO YOU TRUST?

ME?

I'M GIVING AWAY FREE VACCINES.

( LAUGHING ) ERIC HELP ME OUT!

AND WHERE IS JOE BIDEN?

HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS MASK!

>> I GOT ICE CREAM ON IT, GEEZ!

FOCUS, JOE, TIME TO SUIT UP!

TO THE BIDEN MOBILE!

COME ON!

WE'VE GOT TO STOP HIM.

>> HERE TEAR GAS ASS IS GRASS.

>> WHY IS HE NAKED?

>> IT'S SHOWTIME, JOE!

>> ALL RIGHT,.

>> REDACT THIS, BITCH!

>> THIS IS TURNING ME ON!

>> WE'VE BEEN FREED, AND JUST IN TIME TO USE THE LITTLE ANCHOR'S

ROOM.

>> SKIPETY-DO FOLKS.

>> E.T., GO VOTE!

>> DUMP TRUMP.

>> I KNEW HE WAS JUICEIN'.

>> COME ON, YOU SLEEPY BASTARD!

TIME TO STOP THE MALARKEY, YOU LYING DOG-FACED PONY CLOWN!

LET'S SETTLE THIS LIKE MEN.

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO GO AWAY, 130,000.

>> YOU CAN MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO PERRY CUOMO.

>> I GUESS WE'RE DOING THIS.

>> REPORTER, JUST YOU AND ME NOW.

MONO E-- ERIC!

>> I LOVE YOU, DAD!

>> YOU LOSE, JOE.

>> WHATEVER HAPPENED-- UGH!

TO DEMOCRACY?

>> MAYBE I'M IMMUNE.

I DON'T KNOW.

>> NOT SO FAST.

PERSON.

>> WOMAN.

>> MAN.

>> CAMERA.

TV.

AND WE'RE LIVE.

>> DEMOCRACY DON'T DIE THAT EASY, JACK.

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE STILL GOT A SAY WHO WINS AND WHO LOSES.

>> STAY BACK!

I GOTTA STAY PRESIDENT!

I'M 400 MILLION IN DEBT TO SOME REALLY BAD UKRAINIANS!

NOW PUT THE DEMOCRACY DOWN, AND NOBODY GETS HURT.

OH, MAN, WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!

BA-BA-BING.

>> IT'S RIGGED!

THEY'RE ALL RIGGED!

A-HA-HA-HA!

I HATE EVERYBODY!

WHAT ABOUT HILLARY'S EMAILS?

>> YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS SAID IT WAS GOING TO DISAPPEAR.

>> LIKE A MIRACLE.

( SPLASH ) >> NEW PRESIDENT!

>> OH, CRAP, THIS AIN'T OVER!

EVERYONE KEEP COUNTING THE VOTES!