You have to treat yourself like you matter, because if you don't, then you don't take care of yourself and you become vengeful and cruel.

And you, you take.

You take it out on people around you and you're not a positive force.

None of that's good.

So you suffer more and so does everyone around you, and there's a malevolence that enters into it.

None of that's good.

So that's what happens if you don't treat yourself like you matter.

The first thing I would say is, Well, you should be afraid of taking risks and pursuing something meaningful.

One of the main reasons that people don't get what they want is because they don't actually figure out what it is and the probability that you're going to get what would be good for you.

Let's say which would even be better than what you want, right, because you know, you might be what wrong about what you want easily, But maybe you could get what would really be good for you.

Well, why don't you?

Because you don't try.

Life is a challenge that in some sense, can be surmounted, so there's no way out of your problem.

But there is certainly proper ways of dealing with it.

Sit on your bed one day and ask yourself, Oh, what's what Remarkably stupid things am I doing on a regular basis toe?

Absolutely screw up my life.

I would say that the goal in life is to conduct yourself so that life improves.

You should be more afraid of staying where you are.

If it's making a miserable clock is ticking.

And if you're miserable in your job now and you'll change nothing in five years, you'll be much more miserable and you'll be a lot older.

People don't get what they want, and they need because they don't aim at it.

And it's a hard lesson for people to learn because they're cynical to begin with, and they presume that there's no possible way of moving forward.

But it's not so unreasonable to assume that you're not going to hit what you don't aim at, or you're not going to hit what you aim at and don't shoot at, were built to contend with the world, were built to contend with reality you want to challenge and the best way that you can take on a challenge because the challenge fortifies you so you don't wanna be secure.

You want to be strong, and you get strong by taking on optimal challenges.

And so you lay out your destiny in the world and you take the slings and arrows of fate and you make yourself stronger while you're doing so and you might fail and fortune might do you in.

But it's your best bet.

A huge part of the reason that people fail is because they don't ever set up the criteria for success.

And so since success is a very narrow line and very unlikely, the probability that you're going to stumble on it randomly is zero.

So you want to save yourself a task that's difficult but not so difficult.

You can't attain it.

And then what happens is that you step up improvement across time incrementally, and there's also a certain element of humility to it.

Right, which is don't bite off more than you can chew, right?

Don't set grandiose goals, but incremental improvement will get you a tremendous distance.

Yeah, it's a luxury to pursue what makes you happy.

It's a moral obligation to pursue what you find meaningful, and that doesn't mean it's easy.

It might require sacrifice.

If you need to change your job to, Let's say you have a family and Children and mortgage, you have responsibilities.

You've already picked up those responsibilities.

You don't just get to walk away scot free and say, Well, I don't like my job.

I quit.

That's no strategy, but what you might have to do is you think, Well, this job is killing my soul.

All right, so what do I have to do about that?

Well, I have to look for another job.

Well, no one wants to hire me.

It's like, Okay, maybe you need to educate yourself more.

Maybe you need to update your your curriculum vitae.

Your resume.

Maybe you need to overcome your fear of being interviewed.

I think what you have to do and this is part of humility is you have to look around you within your sphere of influence, like the direct sphere of influence, and fix the things that announce themselves as in need of repair.

And those are often small things, you know, and they could be like your room.

Put it in order because the thing is, it isn't exactly so important that your room is in order.

Although it is, what's important is that you learn how to distinguish between chaos and order and to be able to act in a manner that produces order.

Three years from now, you can have what you need.

You gotta be careful about it.

You can't have everything you can have what would be good for you.

But you have to figure out what it is, and then you have to aim at it on when you're in the zone, you're expanding your skills at in a manner that's intrinsically rewarding because you're succeeding.

And so you want to set If you're good to yourself, You think Okay, I need to set a goal, but I need to set a goal that someone as stupid and useless as me could probably attain if they put some effort into it.

Now, if there are things about your life that are bothering you or things about the world that are bothering you, then you want to decompose them into solvable sub problems.

You could do something as simple as just sit on your bed and think Okay.

There's probably, like, five things I could do today, so that tomorrow morning is slightly better than this morning Waas at least, Or at least I'm not falling behind.

And those who usually be It's like having eat a toad in the morning, right?

It's like it's not gonna be something you want to do.

There'll be things you're trying to avoid their snakes essentially, air yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else's.

Today.

I've dealt with hundreds of people in my clinical and consulting practice, and we set ah, goal.

We develop a vision and work towards it, and things inevitably get better for people.

So it's not a luxury.

It's it's difficult.

It's a moral responsibility and it isn't happiness.

It's it's not.

The pursuit isn't for happiness.

Yeah, well, greatness is what reveals itself when you when you attempt to formulate when you attempt carefully articulate and live out what you believe to be true, it just happens because there isn't anything more powerful than truth, right?

That's the antidote.

Just suffering truth.

If you ask yourself instead of telling yourself, what is it that I could do to set things?

Mawr right today that I would actually do.

It's usually some small thing because you're not that discipline.

Then you can go do it.

Lay a disciplinary structure on yourself, get the chaos in check, and then you can move towards the state.

That's freer.

Well, what happens if you don't treat other people like they matter?

Well, you lie to them, you cheat them, you steal you, you you enter into impulsive relationships with them.

They can't trust you.

That doesn't go anywhere.

They don't like you.

You you end up alone at best and maybe like incarcerated at worst like that doesn't work.

And so you watch the people around you who thrive regardless of what they say, they act out the proposition that everyone matters.

If you're hungry and you eat while that's good, but it's over and then you're onto the next thing, right.

It's not exactly sustaining.

It's just necessary.

That's called Consume a Torrey reward, By the way, things other reward system is incentive reward, and the incentive rewards system works on dopamine.

This neurochemical dopamine, which is also the the neurochemical tracks that opiates and cocaine and amphetamines, the drugs that people really like to abuse alcohol, often for some people.

Um, activate.

And so you might say, if you don't have enough meaning in your life, then you're more prone to addiction.

And that's definitely the case.

Even with rats.

If you take a rat, you put him in a cage by himself, and he has nothing to dio.

And then you give him access to cocaine.

He'll get addicted to the point where he won't do anything but take cocaine.

But if you throw the rat back in with a bunch of the rats and he gets to do rat things, then it's very hard to get him addicted to cocaine.

And so the purposeless rat is prone to addiction.

Well, it's the same with human beings.

Kind of have this idea that that you have a certain delightful, wonderful positive freedom as a child, and then that's given up as you approach adulthood.

But the truth of the matter is, is that you have a lot of potential as a child, but none of that is capable of manifesting itself as freedom before you become disciplined and discipline is a matter of the imposition of order, and the order is necessary especially for people who are hopeless and nihilistic and lots of people are hopeless and nihilistic way more people than you think.

And part of that is because no one's ever really encouraged them.

The magnitude of the reward you experience as you're moving towards a goal is proportionate to the importance of the goal.

So that means the more important the goal you pick, the more possibility there is for the kind of reward.

Let's say it's It's really a state of being that is life affirming on.

And it is directly life affirming in that you know, like if you're in a football game and you're and it's an important football game and maybe you break a finger and you know normally that's that's a problem, it hurts, and you're gonna stop doing whatever you're doing.

But if you're right in the middle of the game, then you'll be so amped up on this reward system that it's an algae zik.

It stops the pain.

It also suppresses anxiety, people that have extracted unbelievable successes out of catastrophic failures.

And so and I'm not saying that in a naive way.

I know perfectly well what happens to people you know you're doing fine in life, and then you get cancer and then six months later you're dead and all the heroism in the world isn't going to save you at that point.

But that's not the point.

That's not the point.

Life is bounded by mortality, but that doesn't mean that you don't get out there and contend, and you develop by contending, and you minimize the net amount of suffering in the world.

And that's something, man.

That's something to do, yeah.