[ Imitates buzzer ] That's it!

[模仿蜂鳴器] 就是這樣！

Good game, pal. I won.

好遊戲，夥計。我贏了

I don't know who you are,

我不知道你是誰

but it was fun playing against you.

但它是有趣的與你玩。

-You didn't win. I won. -What?

-你沒贏我贏了-什麼？

-No, you didn't. Look at the score.

-不，你沒有。看看分數

-Stop the count. -We did stop the count,

-停止計數-我們已經停止了計數

and I won. -Keep counting.

我贏了-繼續數吧

-I don't need to. Look at the scoreboard.

-我不需要看看記分牌

-We're demanding a recount, folks.

-我們要求重新計算，夥計們。

Can you can believe this? I'm being totally cheated.

你能相信嗎？我完全被騙了。

Everyone agrees.

大家都同意。

I'm in the process of suing PlayStation right now.

我現在正在起訴PlayStation。

-What, uh -- President Trump? -Fake news!

-什麼，呃... ... 特朗普總統？-假新聞！

-Oh, come on, just admit you lost so we can all move on.

-哦，來吧，承認你輸了，我們就可以繼續前進了。

Besides, don't you have more important things to do

再說了，你不是有更重要的事情要做嗎？

to be playing video games? -I could ask you the same thing.

玩電子遊戲？ - 我也可以問你同樣的問題。-我也可以問你同樣的問題

-It's time for the show. I gotta go.

-演出時間到了，我得走了我得走了

-Hey, Dad, can I play? -Get out of there, Eric!

-嘿，爸爸，我能玩嗎？-離開那裡，埃裡克！

-I'm Don Jr.

-我是小唐

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

-From Rockefeller Center,

-來自洛克菲勒中心

in the heart of New York City,

在紐約市的中心。

it's "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon."

這是 "吉米-法倫主演的今夜秀"。

Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests --

今晚，加入吉米和他的嘉賓 --

Chance the Rapper, Erin Andrews,

Chance the Rapper, Erin Andrews,

musical guests G Herbo and Chance the Rapper --

音樂嘉賓G-Herbo和Chance the Rapper -------。

and featuring the legendary Roots crew.

並有傳奇的Roots團隊參與。

And now here he is -- JimmyFallon!

現在他來了... JimmyFallon!

-Do it!

-去吧！

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Whoo!

嗚！

Hey! Thank you!

嘿，謝謝你！

Hello, and welcome!

你好，歡迎！

Thank you very much. Please.

非常感謝你。請吧

That is so nice.

這真是太好了。

Oh, my goodness!

哦，我的天啊！

Oh, that's what I'm talking about!

哦，這就是我說的！

Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

謝謝你，謝謝你，非常感謝你。

Wow. What a crowd.

哇，好熱鬧啊好多人啊

You're not gonna believe this,

你不會相信的

but the White House just told me

但白宮剛剛告訴我

we got a million people in here tonight.

我們有一百萬人在這裡今晚。

Amazing, amazing. [ Cheers and applause ]

驚人的，驚人的。[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Amazing.

驚人的。

Well, let's get to the news and jokes.

好了，讓我們來看看新聞和笑話吧。

Well, guys, as the pandemic gets worse,

好了，夥計們，隨著疫情的惡化。

President Trump is making it even tougher

特朗普總統正在使其變得更加艱難

for President-Elect Biden to deal with the crisis.

為當選總統拜登處理危機。

Apparently, he's still not letting

顯然，他還沒有讓...

his coronavirus task force talk to Biden's.

他的冠狀病毒專案組與拜登的談話。

I'm really shocked by this, 'cause, up until now,

我真的很震驚，因為，到現在為止。

Trump's handling of the pandemic has been flawless.

特朗普對疫情的處理是無懈可擊的。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Seriously, why is it so hard for Trump?

說真的，為什麼對特朗普這麼難？

He's been passing off COVID responsibilities

他一直在推卸COVID的責任。

for eight months. Why stop now?

八個月了。為什麼現在停止？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I'm not surprised the transition of power is taking so long.

權力交接這麼久，我並不奇怪。

Every time Mike Pence hears the word "transition,"

每次Mike Pence聽到 "過渡 "這個詞的時候... ...

he runs and hides under the bed. [ Laughter ]

他跑，躲在床下。[笑聲]

"Mother, put on 'David and Goliath.'"

"媽媽，放《大衛與歌利亞》"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Not sure any of this matters.

不知道這些是否重要。

Trump's task force probably wrote like one memo that says,

特朗普的專案組可能寫了這樣一份備忘錄，說。

"We think you get it from licking stuff."

"我們認為你是從舔東西得到的。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Honestly, do we even want Trump's task force

老實說，我們甚至希望特朗普的特別工作組

training Biden's? That's like

訓練拜登的？這就像

getting legal advice from Rudy Giuliani.

從Rudy Giuliani那裡得到法律諮詢。

[ Laughter ] "I'd like to represent myself."

[笑]"我想代表我自己。"

[ Laughter ] But here's some good news.

但這裡有一些好消息。

After last week's announcement from Pfizer

在上週輝瑞公司發佈公告後

that their vaccine is more than 90% effective,

他們的疫苗有效率超過90%。

another company, Moderna,

另一家公司Moderna。

has made an announcement of their own.

已經發布了自己的公告。

Watch this. -This morning, breaking news

看這個-今天早上，突發新聞

on the coronavirus vaccine.

關於冠狀病毒疫苗。

Moderna announcing its vaccine could be up to 94.5% effective.

摩德納宣佈其疫苗的有效率可達到94.5%。

-That's an amazing achievement. Scientists are like,

-這是一個驚人的成就。科學家們就像：

"We've harnessed the power of mRNA,"

"我們已經利用了mRNA的力量，"

while Americans are like, "Does it come in grape flavor?"

而美國人卻說，"它有葡萄味嗎？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"Can I get it in the gummy shape like Fred Flintstone?"

"我可以買到像弗雷德-弗林特斯通那樣的膠質形狀嗎？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I had to read that joke as Brian Regan,

我不得不把這個笑話讀成布萊恩-里根。

'cause it felt like -- it sounded like

"因為它感覺像... ... 它聽起來像 -

Brian would have nailed that, so that was for you, Brian.

布萊恩會有釘子，所以這是給你的，布萊恩。

[ As Brian Regan ] A gummy like --

[作為布賴恩-雷根] 一個膠質的像 -

like, Fred Flintstone type of gummy.

就像，弗雷德-弗林特斯通類型的軟糖。

Bet I could do that.

我打賭我可以做到這一點。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Normal voice ] Meanwhile, this weekend in Washington,

與此同時，本週末在華盛頓，

Trump supporters gathered to protest the election.

特朗普的支持者聚集在一起抗議選舉。

And Trump even drove by on his way to the golf course.

而特朗普甚至在去高爾夫球場的路上開車經過。

Take a look.

看看吧

-Mr. Trump saluted a rally from his motorcade

-特朗普先生從他的車隊中向集會人員致敬。

as thousands of Trump supporters claimed election fraud.

由於數千名特朗普支持者聲稱選舉舞弊。

-Yeah, nothing says "Thanks for your support"

-是啊，沒有什麼能比 "謝謝你的支持 "更讓人感動的了。

like barreling through the crowd on your way to a golf course.

就像在去高爾夫球場的路上穿過人群一樣。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

If you read his lips, I think he's saying,

如果你看他的嘴脣，我想他說：

"They wasted a Saturday for this?

"他們為了這個浪費了一個週六？

Could have gone golfing."

可以去打高爾夫。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Can we show it again? Just him going by his followers?

能不能再展示一下？只是他按照他的追隨者去做？

-Mr. Trump saluted a rally from his motorcade...

-特朗普先生從他的車隊中向集會人員敬禮... ...

[ Laughter ] -Yeah, man.

[笑] 是啊，男人。

And this was cute.

而這是可愛的。

Trump's car -- I don't know if you saw it --

特朗普的車... 我不知道你是否看到了... ...

even had a bunch of tin cans hanging off the back

甚至還有一堆鐵罐頭掛在後面

and a sign that said, "Just Lost the Election."

和一個寫著 "剛剛失去了選舉 "的牌子。

I don't know. [ Laughter and applause ]

我不知道。[笑聲和掌聲]

But Trump was overwhelmed by the support.

但特朗普卻被支持率壓得喘不過氣來。

And he was like, "I love you guys.

他說："我愛你們。

You're doing the white thing. I mean, the right thing."

你在做白色的事情。我的意思是，正確的事情。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Well, if it's not clear by now,

好吧，如果現在還不清楚的話。

Trump still isn't ready to move on from the election.

特朗普仍然沒有準備好從選舉中繼續前進。

But yesterday, for the first time,

但昨天，是第一次。

it seemed like he was admitting that Biden won.

他似乎是在承認拜登贏了。

Trump tweeted, "He won because the election was rigged."

特朗普在推特上說："他贏了，因為選舉被操縱了。"

Yep, that might be as close to a concession speech

是的，這可能是一個接近讓步的講話

as we're gonna get, folks.

作為我們要去得到的，夥計們。

But it was short-lived, because he went on to say,

但這是短暫的，因為他接著說。

"I concede nothing," and, "I won the election."

"我什麼都不認輸"，"我贏得了選舉"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Trump won't give up, while the rest of us are like,

特朗普不會放棄，而我們其他人就像。

"Dude, we've moved on to Netflix shows about chess.

"哥們，我們已經轉到了關於國際象棋的網紅節目上。

We -- We don't care. We don't care, dude."

我們... 我們不在乎。我們不在乎，夥計。"

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Even though Trump's lawsuits keep getting tossed out,

儘管特朗普的官司一直被駁回。

it's clear the president is not planning to concede

很明顯，總統不打算讓步。

anytime soon. So you know what?

很快所以你知道嗎？

We thought we'd do it for him and give us

我們認為我們會為他做的，給我們

the concession speech that we all deserve.

我們都應該得到的讓步演講。

Take a look.

看看吧

[ "America the Beautiful" plays ]

["美麗的美國 "戲劇]

-My fellow Americans, a short time ago,

-我的美國同胞們，不久前。

Joe Biden beat me in the election.

喬-拜登在選舉中擊敗了我。

And not only did he win, he won by a lot, actually.

而且他不僅贏了，其實還贏了很多。

Therefore, it is time for me to step aside.

是以，現在是我退位的時候了。

Because, let's face it,

因為，讓我們面對它。

I wasn't probably on my game, and I wasn't doing so well.

我可能不在我的遊戲中，我做得不是很好。

And you know, I'm the only President in history

你知道嗎，我是歷史上唯一的一個總統

to lose the popular vote twice and to get impeached.

兩次輸掉民選，被彈劾。

It's time for a change.

是時候改變了。

The greatest dream in the world is that Joe Biden wins,

世界上最大的夢想就是喬-拜登獲勝。

because the winner of this vote was decided

因為這次投票的贏家已經決定

by a fair and open election.

通過公平和公開的選舉。

Therefore, I humbly concede to Joe Biden.

是以，我謙讓給喬-拜登。

The American people have responded.

美國人民已經做出了迴應。

And they have said to me, "You're fired.

他們對我說："你被解僱了。

Bing. Get out."

賓。滾出去。"

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

-[ Laughing ] Wow.

-哇。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Speaking of the election, The Gap says

談到選舉，Gap說

sales of their pants have nearly doubled

褲子的銷量幾乎翻了一番

since the election week, and they think

自選舉周以來，他們認為

it has something to do with Steve Kornacki.

這和史蒂夫・科納基有關。

[ Laughter ] Watch this.

[笑]看這個。

After many news outlets reported

經多家新聞組織、部門報道

that Kornacki's signature khakis come from The Gap,

Kornacki的招牌卡其褲來自Gap。

the company reported it saw

該公司報告說，它看到

a dramatic increase in online traffic

飆升

and a more than 90% sales increase on khaki pants.

和卡其褲的銷量增長90%以上。

[ Laughter ] -Wow.

[笑] 哇。

Right now, Anna Wintour is like,

現在，安娜-溫圖爾就像。

"Why did I choose Harry Styles for the cover of 'Vogue'?!"

"為什麼我選擇哈里-斯泰爾斯做《Vogue》的封面？"

[ Laughter ] "Kornacki!"

"科爾納基！"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"I told you -- Kornacki!"

"我告訴你--科爾納基！"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Today, middle-aged white guys were like,

今天，中年白人就像。

"Is this the line for the PS5s or the Kornacki khakis?"

"這是PS5的生產線，還是科納基卡其的生產線？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Republicans don't know how to feel right now.

共和黨人現在不知道是什麼感覺。

They lost the White House, but khakis are back.

他們失去了白宮，但卡其褲又回來了。

[ Laughter ] It's actually really impressive,

[笑]這實際上是真的令人印象深刻。

because if there's one thing Americans haven't been buying

因為如果有一件事美國人一直不買賬的話

during the pandemic, it's pants.

在大流行期間，它的褲子。

[ Laughter ] Some more business news.

[笑]一些更多的商業新聞。

Costco is now offering its members a new service.

Costco現在為其會員提供了一項新的服務。

Listen to this.

聽聽這個。

-There's a new membership option at Costco.

-好市多有一個新的會員選擇。

Private jet company Wheels Up has partnered with the retailer

私用飛機公司Wheels Up與零售商合作。

to offer 12-month memberships for its service,

為其服務提供12個月的會員制。

starting at the low, low price of $17,500.

以17500美元的低價開始。

-As if someone is gonna be shopping like, "Okay,

-就好像有人要去購物一樣，"好吧。

I got the whole chicken, I got a box of Go-Gurt,

我買了一整隻雞，我買了一盒 "高德"。

uh, toilet paper, and, oh, I almost forgot,

呃，衛生紙，還有，哦，我差點忘了。

I need that, uh, jet membership."

我需要那個，呃，噴氣式會員資格。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Chuckles ]

[笑]

Can I try reading it as Brian Regan again?

我可以試著再以布萊恩-瑞根的身份讀一遍嗎？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ As Brian Regan ] Let's see, I got the whole chicken,

讓我看看，我有整隻雞。

got a box of Go-Gurt, I got the toilet paper.

我買了一盒Go -Gurt，我買了衛生紙。

Uh, almost forgot, I need that jet membership!

呃，差點忘了，我需要那個噴氣式飛機的會員資格！

[ Normal voice ] Nah, that's not it.

[正常聲音] 不，這不是它。

[ Applause ] It's not working as good.

[掌聲] 它不工作為好。

This is cool, though.

但這是很酷的。

Since it's Costco, they come around midflight

因為是好市多，所以他們會在飛行過程中出現。

and offer everyone a 10-gallon drum of peanuts.

並給每個人提供一桶10加侖的花生。

I thought that was good.

我認為這是很好的。

Hey, guys, Thanksgiving is next week,

嘿，夥計們，感恩節是下週。

And I saw that Baskin-Robbins has brought back

我看到Baskin-Robbins公司又帶回來了。

its turkey ice cream cake. Take a look.

其火雞冰淇淋蛋糕。看看吧

There it is.

在那裡，它是。

Because all kids were like, "If only our favorite treat

因為所有的孩子都說："如果我們最喜歡吃的東西...

looked more like a dead bird carcass.

看起來更像是一隻死鳥的屍體。

Unh!" [ Laughter ]

Unh！"[笑聲]

What is that? It looks like

那是什麼？看起來像...

they spray-painted Thor's helmet.

他們給雷神的頭盔噴上了油漆。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Not to be outdone, Cinnabon

不甘落後，Cinnabon(肉桂卷)

just started selling its frosting by the pint.

剛開始賣它的糖霜一品脫。

Look at this. Wow.

看看這個。哇哦

That's right, it's all the fun of eating Cinnabon

沒錯，這就是吃肉桂的所有樂趣

with double the depression.

與雙倍的鬱悶。

It's perfect for anyone looking to Flex Seal their arteries.

它是完美的人尋找Flex密封他們的動脈。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Actually, this is great.

其實，這很好。

Now I have something to baste the Baskin-Robbins turkey with.

現在我有東西可以塗抹在巴斯金羅賓斯火雞上了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Here's a crazy story from overseas.

這是一個來自海外的瘋狂故事。

A school in France had to ask parents

法國一所學校不得不要求家長

to stop throwing their kids over the 6-foot gate

別再把孩子從6英尺高的門上扔下去了。

when they showed up late for school.

當他們出現在學校遲到。

Check out the sign that they actually had to hang up.

看看他們居然要掛的牌子。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, it's dangerous.

是的，這很危險。

Apparently, while landing on the other side,

顯然，在登陸對方的同時。

some kids broke their wine bottle.

有些孩子打破了他們的酒瓶。

[ French accent ] Now what will I pair with my Lunchables?

現在我想用什麼來搭配我的午餐盒？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Normal voice ] Meanwhile, the parents

[正常聲音] 同時，父母

are already one step ahead.

已經先行一步。

Now they're taking stale baguettes

現在他們拿著變質的法棍。

and making their kids pole-vault over the fence.

並讓他們的孩子在圍欄上跳傘。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Chuckling ]

[笑著]

And finally, a scuba diver off the coast of Egypt

最後，埃及海岸的一名水肺潛水員。

just set an amazing new record. Take a look at this.

剛剛創造了一個驚人的新紀錄。看看這個。

-An Egyptian scuba diver has broken a new world record.

-一名埃及潛水員打破了新的世界紀錄。

He spent 145 hours, or almost six whole days, underwater.

他在水下呆了145個小時，也就是幾乎整整六天。

-Wow. Yeah.

-哇。哇。 - 是啊。

Yeah, he came up, learned it was still 2020,

是啊，他上來後，得知還是2020年。

and went back down.

就又下去了。

Well, guys, here's some fun news.

好了，夥計們，這裡有一些有趣的消息。

Last night, we won a People's Choice Award!

昨晚，我們獲得了 "人民選擇獎"!

Yes! [ Cheers and applause ]

是的！[歡呼聲和掌聲]